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You grandchildren come on in here to the kitchen! We are going to have some fun today! We are going to dye Easter eggs – none of those phony plastic eggs at grandma’s house. Grandma has REAL eggs, the kind the Easter bunny lays.

Grandma has years of experience with this. I remember when my kids were your age and we did this every year.

First, we will put newspapers on the floor. Don’t ask; just help me with the papers. Grandma can’t get down on her knees like she used to. Now, we will get out the coffee mugs. We need BIG cups so the dye will cover the eggs. Line them up on the paper where you can reach them.

Okay, now we will open the dye package and you can put one pill in each cup. NO! Don’t eat that pill! Well, they were non-toxic the box says. We just won’t have any pink eggs this year, I guess.

Now, add the vinegar… Vinegar?  I always forget about vinegar. Grandma is getting old. Fortunately, a grandma always keeps a supply of everything. Just hold this little stepping stool for me while I reach… Uh, oh! It jumped off the shelf. Don’t cry; grandma broke it. She will clean up the mess. We will just use pickle juice.

Now, grandma will add water. See the pretty colors? Grandma has already boiled the eggs for you. (A grandmother has to plan ahead so she can keep up with the grandkids.) She only cracked 2 or 3 eggs, and she can make yummy egg salad out of those.

Okay, put one egg in each cup. ONE EGG! Well, it slipped, didn’t it? That’s okay, we have others. Accidents will happen. No! Don’t put your hands in the cup. Too late… Well, maybe your mom can get it washed off before Easter. Purple hands won’t match your new Easter outfit very well.

WATCH OUT! Oh no! You dropped the egg basket and squashed them. Well, let’s clean up the mess; we still have a few left.

No, we can’t use the ones out of the refrigerator. They have not been boiled. Don’t cry.

What about those little paper things in the box, you say? Those little paper things are called “tattoos.” We will save them for later. I told you we would SAVE the tattoos! How did that get on your face? I just hope we can wash it off.

Take the rest of the eggs out of the cups. Use your hands. What does it matter? Maybe we should just make potato salad instead of Easter eggs. Potato salad is always nice.

Yes, you can have the little cardboard things and some toothpicks to make twirly tops.  Here, just put the rest of these tattoos on your face and go watch cartoons on TV.

Your mother will be here pretty soon to get you. She can stop at Walmart on the way home and buy you some nice, plastic Easter eggs with jellybeans inside.

Might as well face it, holidays are just not what they used to be.

©2001