I usually try to go early on Saturday morning before everyone else gets there. The trouble is, everyone else has the same idea. I probably would be better off to wait until about midnight, but I want to get it over with, just like everyone else.

The little old lady who stands at the door always has a row of buggies lined up. Proper WalMart manners require that you take the one at the front of the line. If it’s raining, you have to wait for her to wipe off the buggies that just came from outside so you don’t get your hands wet.

I’ve been there so many times that I have the fastest route mapped out in my head. Make a left and rush by the candy row as fast as you can so you are not tempted. Try not to look at the fresh flower display either or you will end up adding them to the grocery bill as well.

Make a beeline to the drug section, stopping at the first row for aspirin, and then whipping around the back to grab shampoo or whatever else is on the list from that area. Hopefully, I won’t need any toothpaste or vitamins as it is easy to get sidetracked on those rows and start looking around.

Back to the center aisle as fast the wheels will roll. I don’t look at the cosmetics as I pass, too expensive. I make a quick left at the center aisle and head for the back of the store grabbing dishwasher soap, detergent or whatever I need. I try not to pass the room deodorizers as they smell so good that it’s really hard to resist them.

Down the pet food aisle grabbing my kitty’s groceries for the week. The cat eats better than I do. Make a fast right and return to the front where the produce is. Ah, ha! Made it to the food. Good for me. Get only what’s on the list and try not to pick up anything extra. They really make those red apple displays look pretty, don’t they?

Bread goes in the cart’s kiddy seat where it won’t get squashed. Canned goods, juice, and paper goods are next. I can’t resist the cola, so I grab a pack from the big display. Down the dairy and milk aisle and back to the meat counter, which runs down the side of the store and takes me back to the front. Turn right and get the frozen foods last so they don’t defrost.

They put the snacks in a little section all their own instead of with the other groceries. Pretty clever. To get crackers I have to run the course where the chips, dips, cookies and other goodies are. Good thing I have resistance. After I make it past the sweets, I’m home free and ready for checkout.

Naturally, all the people from the parking lot finished before I did and are already waiting in line. I don’t why I was in such a hurry to shop, but finally it is my turn. The cashier scans the items and puts them in the blue plastic bags. She rings up the final bill, fifty dollars for food, and a hundred for fresh flowers, candy, pet toys, panty hose, a room deodorizer, nail polish, face cream, a Sponge Bob video, kitty litter, car wax, light bulbs, dishtowels, plastic storage bowls, and a hair dryer.

That’s why I like to shop at the discount places; groceries are cheaper so I really save money. I don’t know how all that other stuff got into my basket.

©2004 Sheila Moss

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Ever have this problem or is your resistance better than mine?