Too Much of a Good Thing

I have this thing for popcorn — popcorn with salt. My popcorn passion comes from childhood. We popped it on the stove in those days, and I knew how much oil and how much corn to add to get it to come out just right every time. You had to shake the pot periodically to get the kernels to the bottom of the pot where they would be hot enough to pop. If you put in too much popcorn, the lid would pop off the pot, so you didn’t want to do that. 

They have ruined popcorn now by making different flavors. Cheese popcorn turns your hands yellow. Carmel corn is covered with candy. You can’t even taste the popcorn anymore for all the extra stuff. When something is already perfect, they should just leave it alone.

Nowadays we don’t use a pot to pop corn. We don’t even use the electric poppers that were prevalent for a while, but are now found mostly at garage sales. In the modern world, we have microwave popcorn. Like everything else these days, popcorn went instant. As always, they tend to have too many varieties: butter, lite butter, plain, salty, movie theater, kettle corn, cheese corn, caramel corn, even Cajun corn. What’s next? Dill pickle corn?

My daughter bought me a giant bag of pre-popped corn. It was so big she could hardly carry it. “I couldn’t resist buying it for you.” she said. I appreciated the gesture, but this is the biggest bag of popcorn I’ve ever seen. The more I eat, the more there seems to be. I know that corn is still growing — in a cornfield or not. 

The bag was so large that I had nowhere to put it away. There wasn’t a cabinet in the house big enough to hold it. The popcorn ended up following me from room to room, like a pet or a mascot. I didn’t know what to do with it. I couldn’t put it in the garage as it might draw mice. I couldn’t put in the bathroom because that’s gross, and besides there wasn’t room. I was getting really tired of dragging that huge bag of popcorn around from room to room.

Finally, I decided to leave it near my computer so I could munch while I worked. It was getting a little stale by now and there seemed to be more of it than when I started. It watched me, waiting for me to notice that it had not been eaten yet. I felt guilty for ignoring it — but you can only eat so much popcorn. I wondered what happened to those big decorative cans we had at Christmas? 

I hate to waste so much popcorn, loving it the way I do. But what else can I do? It seems bigger every day. Maybe I could put it in the bird feeder for the birds — or string it for the Christmas tree, or make popcorn balls for Halloween, or take it to the park and feed the ducks, or take it to the movies and forget it when I leave. 

If you have any suggestions for old popcorn, please let me know — quickly. Meanwhile, if you happen to read in the paper that the roof popped off a house like the lid on a pot of popcorn, you will know it was mine.   

Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss

About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
This entry was posted in Food, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Too Much of a Good Thing

  1. John says:

    Look at your ceilings. Do you see 1990? If not, you’ve found a place for your multiplying popcorn (popcorns?). No need to thank me.

    Like

  2. Lois Hunter says:

    Sorry, I don’t have any suggestions for you. But maybe the birds will eat it. I remember when you bought popcorn in the aluminum pan and shook it over the burner until the top filled up with popcorn and then you would slit it open. That was just amazing back in the day.

    Like

  3. Neethu says:

    Ha ha ha ha loved this humour filled post on pop corn mam… Yes I agree pop corn has evolved over time… In my childhood I used to make it from scratch.. These days with ready to use microwaveable popcorn can’t complain cause it actually makes life easier for me..we even her pre filled microwaveable tubs to get the movies experience… In India we get the butter… Tomato chilli.. Caramel… N tikka masala flavours too.. 🙈🙈🙈

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I also make Popcorn in a pot on the stove and I take the unopopped kernels outside and fling them on the ground for the birds the next morning. I would suggest maybe hanging some as a treat for them.

    Liked by 1 person

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