The Truth about Husbands

glassesman

There are two sides to every story, the way he tells it and the way it really happened.

A husband has the solution for any problem. It may not work, but he has a solution.

Only ask your husband to do something once, he won’t hear you after that anyhow.

Your husband knows you best, but you know him better.

The more you pay for a new dress, the greater the probability you will forget to remove the price tag before hubby sees it.

The most powerful motivator known to man is the smell of a steak on the grill.

The more you nag him, the greater the probability that you are wrong.

If you think you have any secrets from your husband, remember why he buys you negligees.

Never tell your husband you have nothing to do. He will ask you to bring him a beer.

If you want him to give up golf, learn to play it.

If you need an item you can’t find, ask your husband. He won’t have it either, but he will know who to borrow it from.

If you want something new, your husband can always figure out why you don’t need it.

You can’t out procrastinate your husband; don’t even try.

Your husband can always come up with a better way to do something, especially after it’s already done.

Never complain about the movie until after he buys the popcorn.

If he offers to take you out, his good suit will be in the cleaners.

No matter how long you’ve been on a diet, your husband will still take you out to an Italian
restaurant.

Never forget who puts up with your faults. That’s something else to worry about.

Never say you can do it yourself, unless you are planning on it.

The more expensive the gift he gives you, the more you will wonder what he’s been up to.

A husband’s “honey do” list has no beginning and no end.

His turf is always the exact spot where you need to vacuum the rug.

You will always need to use the car before he does when the gas tank is empty.

The older your husband becomes, the more he acts like a child.

The longer it’s been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that he will invite company for dinner.

No matter how big he is, he is never too big to wrap around your little finger.

The more you detest the plaid shirt, the more often he will wear it.

The longer the story he’s telling, the more likely you’ve already heard it.

Husbands always know everything – they just sometimes have trouble remembering.

The grass gets mowed on two occasions, when it needs it and when you want him to do something else.

Your husband is the only person that knows you better than the bathroom mirror.

Women’s intuition is the only thing more mysterious than the male ego.

The reason your husband won’t turn down the TV is because he can’t hear you asking.

The more you try to stay on his good side, the harder it is to make up the bed in the morning.

If you can’t remember whether your husband told you he would be home late, he will.

Never criticize your husband about anything that involves a hammer, saw, or screwdriver.

©2003

Okay, gals, does this remind you of anyone you know? (I won’t tell.)

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About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites. SUBSCRIBE to my weekly columns hot off the keyboard and not available on my blog: humorcolumnist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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9 Responses to The Truth about Husbands

  1. energywriter says:

    You said it!
    Re diets: my guy used to buy me a giant Snicker bar for having a good Weight Watchers weigh-in. Duh!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. geezer94 says:

    Yep … that’s about right …

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Janice Wald says:

    My husband is amazing, but sometimes we have different views it’s things like communication. You are a funny writer.
    Congratulations on being Danny Ray’s featured blogger. I was his featured blogger too. Maybe you can check out my blog if you need a blogging tip or two. That’s what I write about.
    Janice

    Liked by 1 person

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