I Know I’m Getting Older

Middle-aged woman in bathroom looking at mirror

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m getting older, so what? My eyes are fuzzy and my roots are gray, but I’ve managed to survive and life should be all downhill from here. Remember, it will happen to all of us sometime, so here’s what you have to look forward to:

I know I’m getting older because… My idea of a gourmet meal is a broccoli casserole.

I know I’m getting older because… I get news from the newspaper instead of TV.

I know I’m getting older because… I’d rather sit it out than dance.

I know I’m getting older because… I have more invested in root canals than in electronics.

View of a retired senior woman sleeping in bed

I’d rather have a nap than an affair.

I know I’m getting older because… I’ve learned how to sleep with a snoring partner.

 

I know I’m getting older because… My high school reunion is too depressing to attend.

I know I’m getting older because… I eat bran cereal because it’s good for my system.

I know I’m getting older because… I’d rather have a nap than an affair.

I know I’m getting older because… My high heel shoes have turn into comfortable flats.

I know I’m getting older because… My idea of a tummy tuck is getting into jeans.

I know I’m getting older because… I always take a sweater along – just in case of a chill.

I know I’m getting older because… My crow’s feet are not on a bird.

I know I’m getting older because… I think bottled water is a waste of money.

I know I’m getting older because… I wear knee-highs instead of panty hose.

I know I’m getting older because… What I can’t sanitize I moisturize.

I know I’m getting older because… I spend half my shopping time looking for a restroom.

I know I’m getting older because… I’d rather wait ‘till the movie is on cable.

I know I’m getting older because… I volunteer to be carded – even if it’s only coke.

I know I’m getting older because… I talk on the phone to telemarketers instead of hanging up..

I know I’m getting older because… I’d like to get a face lift, but everything else sags too.

glassesI know I’m getting older because… I have seamless bifocals to look like I don’t need bifocals.

I know I’m getting older because… I save plastic bags and reuse them.

I know I’m getting older because… I think Starbucks coffee is too expensive.

I know I’m getting older because… I remember when TV had three channels.

I know I’m getting older because… I remember history before it was a cable TV channel.

I know I’m getting older because… I don’t want anything else for my home if it has to be dusted.

I know I’m getting older because… I’d rather not have it than go to the mall.

I know I’m getting older because… I can’t reach my toenails to paint them red.

I know I’m getting older because… My last fling is putting sprinkles on my ice cream.

©2004

How do you know you are getting older?

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About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites. SUBSCRIBE to my weekly columns hot off the keyboard and not available on my blog: humorcolumnist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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5 Responses to I Know I’m Getting Older

  1. Broccoli casserole isn’t gourmet? Bummed.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 66 now and have this that or the other and also can’t remember all that’s wrong. Have this pain in upper left thigh and all the doctors can find nothing. The surgeon finally diagnosed it as TMB. TMB ? Huh ? (too many birthdays).

    Liked by 1 person

  3. energywriter says:

    Yes – to all your statements. I must be approaching 110.

    Liked by 1 person

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