Facts About Fathers


By Sheila Moss
Humor Columnist Blog

* Never forget, if it wasn’t for your father, you wouldn’t be here.

* No matter how old you are, you are still a snotty-nose kid to your dad.

* Fathers don’t get paid for a job well done – unless you count satisfaction.

* When a father says “no,” he really means, “ask your mother.”

* What father says is law. But that’s because kids are not old enough to vote yet.

* Your father knows more about you than you think he does – but you can trust him not to tell.

* Fathers are perfect — problems are created by children

* If at first you don’t succeed, ask your father for a second chance.

* There may be several opinions, but dad’s is the only one that counts.

* When your father gets quiet, he is planning – if he is snoring, the plan worked.

* Always agree with your father. Then he cannot say “I told you so!”

* If you can’t remember when you hugged your dad, maybe he can’t either.

* Never tell father he is wrong, it will only irritate him.

* Never criticize your father’s driving unless you prefer walking.

* If you have your father’s complete approval, he is probably making a big mistake.

* You may fool mother but you can’t fool dad – he pulled the same stunts when he was a kid.

* You can’t keep anything from your father. If you can hide it, he can find it.

* Never argue with your dad. And if you do, never think you will win.

* There is no such thing as a father without radar – it’s standard equipment.

* There are always exceptions to dad’s rules, but he is the one that decides what they are.

* Experience is something your father will always have more of, and you cannot get enough of.

* Your father will forgive your mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you should repeat them.

* Fathers are the only judges that can convict without evidence.

* If you have outgrown your need for fatherly advice, be sure not to mention it to him.

* No matter what is broken, dad has a tool that can fix it or render it unfixable.

* If dad does not have an answer, he will pretend not hear the question.

* Father’s memory is always better than yours, especially when you borrow money.

* Father is the person that you can always call on – just be sure to call during halftime.

* Dad owns the remote control, but you are welcome to use the lawnmower.

* A father’s gratitude is priceless, but a big screen TV is not.

©2004 Sheila Moss

About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
This entry was posted in Family, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Facts About Fathers

  1. geezer94 says:

    Ms Sheila … yep … that’s about right (well, except for maybe the newfangled riding lawnmower)

    Liked by 1 person

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