FACTS ABOUT FATHERS
By Sheila Moss
Humor Columnist Blog
* Never forget, if it wasn’t for your father, you wouldn’t be here.
* No matter how old you are, you are still a snotty-nose kid to your dad.
* Fathers don’t get paid for a job well done – unless you count satisfaction.
* When a father says “no,” he really means, “ask your mother.”
* What father says is law. But that’s because kids are not old enough to vote yet.
* Your father knows more about you than you think he does – but you can trust him not to tell.
* Fathers are perfect — problems are created by children
* If at first you don’t succeed, ask your father for a second chance.
* There may be several opinions, but dad’s is the only one that counts.
* When your father gets quiet, he is planning – if he is snoring, the plan worked.
* Always agree with your father. Then he cannot say “I told you so!”
* If you can’t remember when you hugged your dad, maybe he can’t either.
* Never tell father he is wrong, it will only irritate him.
* Never criticize your father’s driving unless you prefer walking.
* If you have your father’s complete approval, he is probably making a big mistake.
* You may fool mother but you can’t fool dad – he pulled the same stunts when he was a kid.
* You can’t keep anything from your father. If you can hide it, he can find it.
* Never argue with your dad. And if you do, never think you will win.
* There is no such thing as a father without radar – it’s standard equipment.
* There are always exceptions to dad’s rules, but he is the one that decides what they are.
* Experience is something your father will always have more of, and you cannot get enough of.
* Your father will forgive your mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you should repeat them.
* Fathers are the only judges that can convict without evidence.
* If you have outgrown your need for fatherly advice, be sure not to mention it to him.
* No matter what is broken, dad has a tool that can fix it or render it unfixable.
* If dad does not have an answer, he will pretend not hear the question.
* Father’s memory is always better than yours, especially when you borrow money.
* Father is the person that you can always call on – just be sure to call during halftime.
* Dad owns the remote control, but you are welcome to use the lawnmower.
* A father’s gratitude is priceless, but a big screen TV is not.
Ms Sheila … yep … that’s about right (well, except for maybe the newfangled riding lawnmower)
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