Are You a GROUCH?

Oscar-The-GrouchHave you noticed how people who are grouchy never seem to know it? Is someone you know a grouch? Could it be that YOU are a grouch and unaware of it? Here’s a little quiz to help you decide:

  • Do you go to bed hoping that you will wake up in a bad mood?

  • Do you ever pretend to be sleeping to keep from having to talk to anyone?

  • Do you often speak in short grunts instead of using words?

  • Do your teeth ever feel sore from grinding them together?

  • Do you wake up in the mornings with a bad breath and an attitude to match?

  • Have you ever screamed at the alarm clock?

  • Do you avoid taking pictures because you really don’t want to remember?

  • Do you often complain that a restaurant is no good, or could have been better?

  • Do you frequently use the phrase: “Get Over It”?

  • Have you ever volunteered to be the designated wet blanket at a party?

  • Do you like it when people avoid you because you’d rather not be bothered anyhow?

  • Is a major source of your nutrition black coffee and aspirin?

  • Have you never had a GOOD hair day?

  • Do you call vacations a reason for slackers to avoid working?

  • Did the local undertaker advise you to cheer up?

  • Do you love a traffic jam as it gives you a reason to rant?

  • Do think taxes are too high, politicians are crooks, and there’s no point in voting because it doesn’t do any good?

  • Is your best moment when you say to someone, “I told you so!” ?

  • Are you are always in a hurry to get there late?

  • Do you ever argue with the newscaster, the sports announcer, or MTV?

  • When someone says, “How are you?” do you tell them the truth?

  • Is the some of the best advice you give when you tell people where to go?

  • Do you avoid celebrating birthdays because smoke from candles aggravates your allergies?

  • Are you afraid to smile as it might break something?

  • Does your dog only like you when its time for his food?

  • Do people walk around you on tiptoes?

  • Do you avoid television because there’s nothing worth watching?

  • Can you spit nails faster than a nail gun?

  • When you walk into a room does the temperature fall?

  • Have you ever been accused of snarling?

  • Have you been offered a transfer to the Complaint Department at your company?

  • Are you unable to remember why you are mad?

  • Do you use your spouse or co-workers as a sounding board or a dart board?

  • Would you have to improve your disposition to be a called pessimist?

  • Could your attitude benefit from CPR?

If you answered yes to most of the above, you are probably perfectly normal. If you denied them all, you are undoubtedly a grouch and need a major attitude adjustment.

If you think this should be passed along to some other grouches in your life, feel free to do so. The management is not responsible for accidents.

Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss

About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Are You a GROUCH?

  1. The Lawn-Cutting Crew says:

    Yikes! Maybe I’ll put my head in the sand (or the trash can, rather), and pretend none of these points applies to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You really came up with some golden ones in the list!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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