The Sting

waspsI know what you are thinking – a sting is a secret operation of some sort. Nope! This sting was the real McCoy, the kind that comes with an insect on the other end.

It was innocent, really. I simply wanted to hose off the patio with the garden hose, get rid of the dead leaves and stray crabapples that had fallen from the tree and were rolling around looking messy. How was I to know that a nest of wasps had turned my patio light into their own personal condominium?

Summer time, how I love it! Why is it that this seems to be my year for outdoor catastrophe? Maybe I need to check the almanac. Maybe I should just stay indoors for the rest of the season.

“Live and let live,” I always say. I saw them there looking menacing, but I meant them no harm. They didn’t seem angry and I held no animosity toward them.

Well, okay, I did make a mental note to come back later with the aerosol bug spray, but I controlled my evil fantasy and stayed with the task at hand, gently removing the hose from its parking place on the fence. The sun shone, the flowers bloomed, the birds chirped, the wasps buzzed – all seemed right with the world.

Then it happened – the STING! One crazed wasp decided I was the enemy and declared war. YOUCH! This was a “king-size” wasp packing a powerful wallop.

I made a gallant effort to be brave, but I was viciously wounded. And to add insult to injury, this venomous villain attacked and ambushed me from behind. Yes, right on my back side, like a mad Nurse Ratched with a shot of penicillin. It stung my bottom right through clothing and all. I’ve never been so humiliated by a bug in my life!

As long as one is not allergic to stings, there is not a great deal to be done. I didn’t stop breathing, so I presume I’m one of the lucky people who are not allergic to stings. But, the pain – WOW, did it ever smart! Thereafter, the ice pack and a bottle of extra strength Tylenol became my sole source of solitude for a several days.

In recovery, I read up on wasps and found that wasps don’t even give up their lives to sting. With bees, the venom bag is ripped from the abdomen when it stings, causing the insect’s own death. A wasp, on the other hand, assaults, stings, and then goes on its merry way, back to making paper, spreading pollen, or whatever unfathomable reason wasps may have for existing in the world.

And so, I’m suffering along, wearing my red itchy badge of courage in a most embarrassing place.

However, I did get my sinister revenge when eventually I foamed the nest from ten feet away with one of those special insecticide sprays purchased just for this particular pleasure.

Wicked, I know, but one can only be kind to predators for so long. And, in this case, there was not even a remote possibility that I’d turn the other cheek.

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss
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About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites. SUBSCRIBE to my weekly columns hot off the keyboard and not available on my blog: humorcolumnist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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7 Responses to The Sting

  1. The Lawn-Cutting Crew says:

    Yikes! Wasp stings are never fun. I sprayed a nest one time, but I had forgotten to check the can to make sure it was full. It fizzled and shot a tiny amount of spray — not enough to kill the wasps, but just enough to make them very, very mad.

    I remember running for my life and seeing a wasp chasing me. I didn’t get stung, but I think I ran halfway across the neighborhood before stopping. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I put a hose in a boxwood bush to water it. Unfortunately there was a wasp nest there and boy, were they mad. I ended up 15 stings (talk about pain!). Within an hour I was starting to itch and swell. I needed a cortisone shot. Now I just go get a shot when I get stung. They won’t kill me but they like to make my life miserable. Sorry it was on your tush!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sheila Moss says:

      Oh my gosh! That sounds terrible! I’m sure you must have suffered from that! Wow! I had another sting not long ago. I was messing with a birdhouse and didn’t know it had a wasp nest. It swarmed out and stung me on the hand. It hurt, but not as bad as the other one. I guess it has to do with the amount of venom they inject or maybe there are different kinds. Anyhow, I don’t want to fool with any of them. They are not human-friendly for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The Goose says:

    I feel your pain. I took a shortcut to our pasture by jumping a fence. When I landed, I landed on top of a yellow jacket nest in the ground. I actually think I hit myself harder than they were stinging me. The worst stings were on my ear.
    I avoid that fence row to this day…..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sheila Moss says:

    Wow, these multiple sting stories make me wonder what I am complaining about. I’ve heard yellow-jackets have very painful stings. Glad I’ve never had to experience more than one sting at a time.

    Like

  5. energywriter says:

    You made a painful situation funny! Great job.

    Liked by 1 person

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