The Conspiracy

telemarketerI don’t know why, but the telemarketers have been ringing my phone off the hook lately. Is there a telemarketer season that I don’t know about? I am on every “Do Not Call” list I can find, state and federal. Still, they call. I just found out that when you pick up the phone and no one is there, it is a robo call. They are on another call and can’t pick up on yours. I almost wish I did not have a phone.

I will NEVER be courteous to a telemarketer again! This time I’ve had it! Really had it! I received my credit card bill and as I glanced over it, I noticed a couple of strange charges. They were small, $7.80. But, what in the world were they? So, I called the 800 number and found out it was an insurance company.

“How’s the weather in Nashville? Getting ready for Fanfare in July?” They were my best friends, you’d think. But I didn’t call to pass the time of day.

“There are some charges on my credit card bill here. Who are you and why are these charges on my bill – two in one billing cycle?”

“Oh, that’s the accident policy you took out. Remember? We called you on the phone and you said it was okay to send it to look at.”

I bristled! No, I didn’t remember, and I did not have any intention of taking out a policy with them. I have insurance and if I didn’t I would not be buying it off the phone from a telemarketer!

“Cancel it and take it off my bill.”

“You don’t want it?”

“Right!”

We went back and forth for a while, and I was not in the mood to be pleasant. Finally it came down to this: If I wanted to cancel the policy, they would have to send me papers which I would have to sign and return before they could cancel the policy. Well, I didn’t have to sign anything to buy it, just inadvertently agree to look it over, into their hidden microphone, apparently, and that was considered consent.

Never again! Warning to all telemarketers: WATCH OUT! I’m EVIL, I’m MEAN! I’m waiting for you! I will slam down my receiver in your ear in a New York minute. I do not have to be nice to you unscrupulous, double dealing, rip off artists and I do not ever intend to listen to you long enough to be taken to the cleaners again!

Well, after I cooled down enough to think, I called VISA and asked them what was going on, and how these people got my phone number and credit card number.

“Oh, they don’t have your number, we authorized them to call and we put it on your account!”

AH, HA! The credit card company is in on this!

“In that case, I want to make a complaint about you being involved in such unscrupulous dealings!”

Now, unlike stupid insurance companies that won’t remove erroneous charges, VISA has wised up. It’s not worth losing a high interest, paying customer for $7.80. So, they quickly agreed to remove the charges, both of them and one extra that I will probably get before the papers are processed. They apologized over and over and made excuses and even volunteered to take me off their solicitation list. List? LIST??? They have a list???

Everybody immediately call your VISA and ask to be taken off their telephone solicitation list! Do it NOW before you forget!!!

The insurance company can still be turned in to whoever regulates them. They must think I’m an idiot not to know insurance is one of the most highly regulated products there is – and this is exactly why! Shysters!!!

All I have to do is figure out who to write the complaint to. The Insurance Commission? What is the insurance equivalent of the Federal Trade Commission? Boy, companies really hate it when they get turned in to the FTC. I’ll find out! After all, the Internet is good for a few things besides just surfing.

If you will excuse me now, I think the phone is ringing. Gee… I sure hope it is not a telemarketer. I really hate to hang up on them and hurt their feelings. Maybe I’ll just listen for a few minutes… What can that hurt?

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss
Edited
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About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites. SUBSCRIBE to my weekly columns hot off the keyboard and not available on my blog: humorcolumnist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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4 Responses to The Conspiracy

  1. Almost Iowa says:

    That happened to my father with magazine subscriptions. It was his bank, the holder of his mortgage, who acted quite shocked that he did not want the magazines that they took it upon themselves to subscribe him to.

    I worked for the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension at the time and had a meeting at the State Attorney General’s offices. When I got there, I asked to use one of their phones to call the bank – and during the conversation, I instructed the worker bee to check her caller id. Worked like a charm.

    Like

  2. energywriter says:

    I hang up as soon as I hear their first words, that usually sound vaguely like a sales pitch.

    Liked by 1 person

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