Ladies, I’m talking to you here. Men, just put your fingers in your ears while we ladies have a chat.
Men just do not understand the problems we ladies have with our hair, do they? Oh sure, guys have their bad hair days, but chances are they will just slick it down and go on. Ladies, however, are supposed to look beautiful. Our hair is our crowning glory. When our crowning glory refuses to cooperate, it becomes a disaster that can ruin your life, or at least a day of it.
Now, here is my problem. The other week I decided to get a haircut. My hair has always been thick and fast growing – in other words, BIG hair. I have a favorite hairdresser that I always go to who always cuts my hair the same. Unlike most of them, she doesn’t think “the shorter the better” and try to cut it all off.
This time I decided that I would go to someone different for a change, someone more convenient to where I live. You ladies already know what I’m going to say, don’t you? Yes, she tried to cut it all off!
“Your hair is really long! How much do you want cut?”
“Just a trim.” They always cut three times as much as you tell them to.
“It is really out of shape! Want me to shape it up for you?”
Well, sure, I don’t want my hair to be out of shape, do I?
“Do you want me to layer it a little bit?” It is really long on top. It is going to be flat if it isn’t layered.”
Well, sure, I don’t want to be flat on top, do I?
So, scissors snip and hair falls as I watch in horror! Soon I am up to my chin in clippings. In practically no time at all, it’s all over. I open my eyes.
“Doesn’t it look great?” she says, fluffing and fixing.
“Yikes!” Who is that person in the mirror? She is nearly bald! My big hair is merely a distant memory now. I repress the urge to sweep my mane up off the floor and try to put it back.
“You could wear it curly,” says the hair guru. “Just moose it and scrunch it like this!” She bends over and demonstrates the scrunch technique.
“My hair has always been straight, unless it is permed.” I say, looking around desperately for the nearest exit.
I feel a little lightheaded. Is it merely the absence of the excess weight of my big hair? I pay the ransom and leave, wondering how long it will take for my beautiful tresses to grow back. I can’t believe I paid someone to scalp me.
At home my hair refuses to cooperate. It tries to curl. Why is my hair curling? It has always been straight. At first I try to pull it around curlers, but it is so short it won’t stay. Finally, I give up and decide to give the curly routine a try. It is the weirdest thing. It curls just like a perm. What did she do to my hair?
“I like your new perm,” say the girls at work.
“I don’t have a perm!”
“Oh sure, wink, wink,” they laugh.
It’s true! My hair has suddenly become curly, after a lifetime of being straight. It makes no sense at all. What a mystery. How can hair change completely all on it’s own just from a haircut?
I’m starting to get used to it now. Maybe I just wasn’t ready for such a drastic change. Just call me “Curly” – or “Frizzy.” I promise, if it ever grows back, I’ll never complain about my big hair again.
Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss