It Might be a Redneck Wedding

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In spring we feel young, alive. Thoughts just naturally seem to turn to romance and marriage. We might even receive an invitation to a wedding. Here in the South, we have wedding ceremonies too, just like everywhere else. Well, maybe not exactly like everyone else. Some of our weddings might be just a tad different, but probably not enough you would even notice the difference unless you are looking.

It might be a Redneck Wedding…

If the groom is wearing a bowling shirt,

If the bride wears a crop top so her tattoo will show,

If the bride’s hair is bigger than her veil,

If the bride carries a bouquet of cotton bolls,

If the bride maids have fringe on their skirts and vests,

If the wedding is delayed because the groom’s truck wouldn’t start,

If the bride’s father brings a shotgun to the wedding,

If the wedding march is played on dueling banjos,

If the friends of the groom TP the church,

If the decorations include any pink flamingo,

If the best man is wearing a baseball cap,

If the preacher has sideburns and wide lapels,

If they throw corn at the couple instead of rice,

If the musical selections include Loretta Lynn or George Jones,

If the photographer is using a disposable camera from Wal-Mart,

If the groom’s men have western boots and sequins on their shirts,

If the reception is held at the local Waffle House,

If the hor dourves include pork skins and bean dip,

If guests play pinball machines or shoot pool at the reception,

If there is a jug in the back room,

If the wedding gifts include hubcaps, ammunition, or IOUs,

If the wedding buffet includes pork barbecue and toothpicks,

If the getaway car is a pickup truck with Pabst beer cans tied behind it,

If the wedding announcement is in the free advertiser newspaper,

If the couple plans to honeymoon in Branson, Mo.

If the newlyweds will reside in a mobile home,

If the groom gives chewing tobacco for wedding favors,

If the bride does too.

Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss

About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
This entry was posted in Humor, Southern Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to It Might be a Redneck Wedding

  1. alieneating says:

    hahaha, I swear Silver Dollar City in Branson, Mo is fully kept in business by redneck honeymoons and school field trips.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jvlivs says:

    Right away I thought about the Blue Collar Comedians reading this!😂

    Like

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