With the recent heat wave and all the concern about beating the heat, we decided to go to the source and interview the deity in charge of heat – Old Sol himself.
1. What sort of job do you have, Sol?
Well, I’m busy all the time. People depend on the sun to give warmth and light to the world. If it were not for me, there would not be any life on your planet, you know. I really do not get the credit I deserve, which is why I get a little hot once in a while to remind people who is in charge.
2. Do you try to keep a positive attitude?
Yes, but it gets a bit hard at times with people calling me lazy and saying all I do is roll around in space. They seem to think it’s easy being in charge of an entire solar system. Good thing I have such a sunny disposition.
3. Do you have any time for fun?
It isn’t like the good old days when the Greeks and Romans were around. Back then I had a lot of fun, driving across the sky with flaming horses in a golden chariot. I even had a day of the week named after me. These days people do not even treat me like royalty.
4. What do you think about humans?
They have a lot to learn about respect. Everyone from Egyptians to Aztecs worshiped me. Nowadays, the only ones who worship me are beach bunnies and a few jocks that think a suntan is good for them
5. Do you ever think you would like to give up?
No, I’ll stay on the job for the rest of eternity or until I’m burned out. People have created so much pollution and dust, though, that it is reflecting my rays. My job gets harder and harder. Don’t know what’s going to happen to the world if they don’t wise up.
6. Speaking of pollution, what about global warming?
It really isn’t my fault. I’m just doing what I’ve always done, but the world keeps getting hotter all the time, the polar ice caps are melting, and the ocean is rising. Unfortunately, there is no way for me to cut back my on my energy.
7. Do you like being the center of the universe?
It’s sort of nice having people depend on me. I wish they would use my solar energy more as a source of power. It’s clean and it’s free. It would also be nice if people could sweat it out, and quit complaining so much about my heat.
8. You must get a warm feeling from being needed?
Warm? I’m burning up! But, the sun shines on everyone, regardless of whether they appreciate it or not. They try to keep me away with suntan lotion, hats, umbrellas, all sorts of stuff. But, shade is only temporary.
9. Do you always make a good impression?
No, sometimes I cause blisters, or worse, on those too stupid to protect themselves from the intensity of my rays. I don’t do it on purpose, but a lot of people get burned trying to be my friend.
10. Do you ever feel a bit useless, or do you always try to shine?
Useless? I’ll tell you what’s useless. This stupid interview is what’s useless. You’re starting to give me a solar flare! Get out of my face and quit trying to eclipse me. I have important work to do and the entire universe is waiting.
Well, maybe we better call it a day — if you’ll pardon the expression. I’m starting to get a bit sunburned from being so close to you anyhow.
So… that’s it from your suntanned reporter, folks. Thanks for the interview, Old Sol. Good luck, and I’ll see you later out at the pool!
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