Bubba’s New Year Resolutions

Some people spend a lot of energy at this time of the year trying to change their behavior. We’ve decided to interview a well-known good ol’ boy and see what he thinks about some of the most common New Year’s Resolutions.

Columnist: A very popular resolution is to drink less alcohol.

Bubba: It’s not drinking that’s the problem – it’s not knowing when to quit and making a darn fool of yourself.

Columnist: Well, what about eating more healthy food?

Bubba: Does that mean no more fried chicken, fried taters, fried catfish, fried pork chops, fried cornbread, fried squash, fried okra, fried green tomatoes, and fried pies? How can it be bad when it tastes so good?

Columnist: It seems a lot of people want to improve by getting more education. Could you use a bit of learning?

Bubba: Experience always has and always will be the best teacher. The more education you have, the more you realize that you don’t know squat anyhow.

Columnist: What about trying to get a better job?

Bubba: Blue collar workers are what made the country great. Learn to be satisfied with what you are and quit making yourself miserable trying to be something you’re not.

Columnist: Lack of exercise is another big problem. Many people vow to get fit.

Bubba: Fit for what? Don’t need to be able to outrun anybody as long as you stay on the right side of the law and pay your taxes.

Columnist: But, don’t you want to diet or lose weight?

Bubba: You’ll just gain it back. With all there is going on in the world, can’t you think of something to worry about besides the size of your own behind?

Columnist: There are a lot of people with financial problems. What about resolving to manage debt?

Bubba: The best way to manage debt is not to make it in the first place. Buy what you can pay for and make do. That’s just common horse sense. What’s the next one?

Columnist: Okay, resolving to manage stress is a good one.

Bubba: Stress comes from trying to do too much. Go with the flow. There’s always tomorrow. Most of what we push ourselves to do could be left undone without hurting a thing.

Columnist: Nearly everyone thinks smoking is a good thing to quit.

Bubba: If we were not smoking, we would be chewing, dipping, or puffing. If that’s the worst thing we do, we are probably better off than most.

Columnist: How about helping the environment by reusing and recycling?

Bubba: Shucks, I’ve always done that. Don’t let nothing go to waste. We save our old cars for spare parts, use our old couch as porch furniture, and sell our aluminum cans and scrap metal by the pound. Anything else can be used for target practice.

Columnist: Would you like to save more money?

Bubba: You can’t take it with you. You might as well spend it while you’ve got it, before the government figures out another way to take it away from you.

Columnist: A lot of people want to travel or take that big trip they’ve put off.

Bubba: Seeing how other people live can help you appreciate how good you’ve got it compared to some. But regardless of where you visit, there’s no place like home.

Columnist: What about helping others more?

Bubba: Yep, always help out your friends and kinfolk. Never know when you might have to call on them, and it’s always better to be owed a favor than to owe one.

Columnist: It doesn’t sound to me as if Bubba plans to do much changing.

Bubba: Do the best you can stop worrying about what you can’t do.

Columnist: So there you have it folks, the lowdown on resolutions from the perspective of a good ol’ boy.

Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss

About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Southern Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Bubba’s New Year Resolutions

  1. Perhaps Bubba’s got the right ideas about these here revolutions.

    Like

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