My Kitchen Tis of Thee

Samuel Francis Smith wrote the words to “My Country Tis of Thee” as a hymn. Actually, you might say it was a parody of sorts as the music belongs to an old patriotic German tune. It was also set to other words in England and later became the English National Anthem, “God Save the Queen.”

So much for history. Here’s my warped version, a parody of a parody.
HINT: (It’s better if you hum along while you read.)

kitchen1aHousewife’s National Anthem

My kitchen tis of thee,
Sweet land of misery,
Of thee I sing.
Place where the biscuits died,
That once were mama’s pride!
From every country side,
Let freedom ring!

My kitchen tis of thee,
That took my liberty,
Of thee I sing.
I hate thy heat and steam!
I hate to mop and clean!
I think I’m gonna scream!
Let freedom ring!

Fling aprons to the breeze,
Throw dishtowels in the trees
Let women sing!
Let frozen food awake;
Let all that eat partake;
Let it their dinner make,
My life prolong.

Our kitchen tis of thee,
Which took our liberty,
At thee we scream!
Long may our pots be bright;
We scrubbed them half a night!
The microwave has saved our life,
It is our King!
When I did the song parody for housewives, a reader suggested that I do one for the guys too. I liked the idea, and so I’ve done exactly that.

lawnmowerHusband’s National Anthem

My lawnmower tis of thee,
Sweet tool of misery,
Of thee I sing.
Lawn where my father died!
He should have stayed inside!
Protect me from his foolish pride,
Let freedom ring!

My grassy backyard, thee,
Lawn of the never free,
I see you grow.
I hate thy rocks and rills,
I hate to mow up hills;
My heart with loathing fills
I cut too low.

Let mowing swell the breeze,
Watch out for flowers and trees,
The lawnmower hums.
Let nature now awake;
I’ve had all I can take;
I’m ready for a break.
My life prolong.

This lawn is work to me,
I need my liberty,
To clear my head,
Long may my work be light;
I tried with all my might;
My Saturday’s will now be quiet,
My lawn is dead!


Which one do you like better? Both are about freedom from stereotypical disliked household tasks.

About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
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2 Responses to My Kitchen Tis of Thee

  1. energywriter says:

    Thanks for the giggles and grins. Good job on both. sd


  2. Nice kitchen. I have never never lived in a place where at least on of those kitchen drawers opened and closed correctly. The was one always askew and nothing I tried fixed it.

    Liked by 1 person

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