I love being stupid. I don’t have to lie when I “play dumb” to get out of things. In fact no one even asks me to do anything very often because they figure, “Oh, her, she can’t do it…she’s too stupid!”

I love being stupid. When I can’t balance the checkbook, nobody says, “What’s the matter, you stupid or something?” (They think they already know the answer.)

I love being stupid. All my friends figure they can’t depend on me to help them with anything. I don’t even have to refuse them or think of excuses.

I love being stupid. I never have to cook. I don’t have to get my hands dirty or try to figure out how much ½ of ¾ cup of sugar is. In fact, I go out to eat a lot.

I love being stupid. I don’t have to worry about mechanical things. Obviously, when something breaks down, someone else will have to fix it. Regardless of the cost and inconvenience, it is just one of those things that can’t be helped.

I love being stupid. When my computer crashes, I don’t have to try to figure it out myself before I call for technical support.

I love being stupid. Nobody ever asks me for directions. I guess they think I’m stupid – even though they are the one who’s lost.

I love being stupid. I get invited to all the greatest parties, and never have to help with the decorating or refreshments. Everybody thinks I’ll do it wrong or spill something, so they just go ahead and do it themselves.

I love being stupid. When I drive, people let me merge. They always signal to change lanes too. They figure as stupid as I am, no telling what I might do if they cut me off or make me really angry.

I love being stupid. When I go shopping, the sales clerks all try to help me. I get great service and extra attention. They want to get rid of me before I do anything stupid.

I love being stupid. When telemarketers call, I just say, “What? I don’t understand!” And after they explain, I say: “Huh?” They finally just figure I’m so dumb they are better off to leave me with the old phone carrier or credit card company.

I love being stupid. I know that I will make it to the top as a manager without having to know a thing. I mean, just think of most of the bosses you’ve ever had. Weren’t they all just a bit… well, you know… s-t-u-p-i-d?

I love being stupid! I get to try all sorts of new things and if they don’t work out, nobody is surprised or shocked because they didn’t expect anything I do to work out anyhow. And if it should happen to work out, they’ll figure it is probably just dumb luck!

I love being stupid! I have tons of friends because nobody wants a friend who is smarter than they are.

I love being stupid. I never worry about getting anywhere on time because people just figure: “Here comes stupid – late again.”

Actually, there is only one disadvantage I can think of to being stupid. It is that I can’t rent myself out as consultant because nobody wants my stupid advice.

©Sheila Moss 1999
Edited for length