Are You Too Old for Theme Parks?

Coaster.jpg

Take the Quiz

  1. Do they give you the senior citizen discount without checking your ID?

  2. Do you detest your hair and clothes getting wet?

  3. Would you like the rides better if they ran them in slow motion?

  4. Would you rather go to a restaurant for a meal than eat corn dogs at an umbrella table?

  5. Do you think there should be a law against the prices they charge for soft drinks and plan to write your congressman about it?

  6. Do you get nervous when there are no adults in line except you?

  7. Do your eyes get crossed from watching the racing coasters?

  8. Did you notice that none of the other women are carrying a purse?

  9. Do you stop at all the restrooms because you don’t know if you will find the next one soon enough?

  10. Do you go inside gift shops and look around just because they are air-conditioned?

  11. Do you complain because customer service does not have blood pressure machines?

  12. Do you end up walking around in circles all day because you can’t figure out the map?

  13. Is your favorite thing about the park all the pretty flowers?

  14. Do you buy your sno-cone with cherry syrup instead of lime, lemon, grape, strawberry, orange, tangerine, blueberry, raspberry, boysenberry, blackberry, kiwi, or watermelon?

  15. Does your back hurt? Your neck hurt? Your kidneys hurt? Are you are sunburned? Or do your feet have blisters?

  16. Do you spend most of the day planning how you will get even with the person that talked you into coming here?

  17. Could a 30 second thrill ride be long enough to last you for a lifetime?

  18. Do you buy your souvenirs long before closing time to beat the last minute rush?

  19. Do you tell young people with baggy pants to pull them up?

  20. Are you are offended by the suggestive slogans on tee shirts?

  21. Have you ever learned a new swear word while on a thrill ride?

  22. Have you lost your glasses, your wallet, your hat or your false teeth, while upside down?

  23. Do feel you can’t make it to the front gate without oxygen?

  24. Did you ever buy a three-day pass just to get a free teeshirt, and then never use either of them.

  25. Do you think that the generation gap is bigger on a roller coaster than any other place?

  26. Is your favorite phrase: “Let me offfff!”?

  27. Can you remember where you lost your camera, as well as your supper?

  28. Will the soles on your tennis shoes melt on hot asphalt?

  29. Have you ever ridden the tram around the parking lot three times because you couldn’t remember where you left the car?

SCORING 

  • Under 5 answered YES: There may be hope – get some vitamins or hormone therapy.

  • 6-15 answered YES: Over the hill, and we don’t mean the one on the roller coaster.

  • 16-20 answered YES: Senility is peeking around the corner.  See your estate planner soon… very soon.

  • 21+ answered YES: Why are you reading an article about Theme Parks?.

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About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites. SUBSCRIBE to my weekly columns hot off the keyboard and not available on my blog: humorcolumnist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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11 Responses to Are You Too Old for Theme Parks?

  1. geezer94 says:

    Yep … that’s about right …!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. George says:

    Motion sickness…it’s all about motion sickness for me and almost every ride spins to some degree. Not sure when it became an issue but somewhere along the line had to stop riding. Of course fear of heights doesn’t help..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. energywriter says:

    Funny! Great job capturing the experience.

    I work at Busch Gardens Williamsburg, so can relate to all your questions. My admission is free and purchases discounted. I can NEVER retire or I couldn’t afford to play there. I tell guests about the benefits of season and shopping passes. I don’t ride anything scary – I have vertigo standing on the ground. I know where all the bathrooms, rides and shops are. I know many shortcuts. I love the flowers, wild animals and shows – and the sissy rides, especially the wet ones. Visitors of all ages come into the shop to cool off. I remind them to drink water, sit often in the shade and visit all the shows. I try to persuade guests to buy early and use package pick up. Sometimes it works. I dress for the day/weather and would never take a purse – a small backpack – maybe. I feel sorry for visitors who are not dressed for the experience. I’m offended by baggy pants, “graphic” tee shirts – and exposed bras. sd

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lois says:

    Ditto on the above comments! As a kid I thought I would never be so old as to not enjoy the rides and would just want to shop and sit. Well, those days are way back in the rear view mirror now!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Rachel says:

    Okay, so while I’m not too old for theme parks, I have found myself enjoying them less than before…Or maybe not less but in a different way.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Those rides. I would have a heart attack. The only ride on which I go is the one in the car to and from the park.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. The grilled beef shiskabobs, corn on cob, root beer,

    Liked by 1 person

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