I Might Be a Redneck

atticDo you have junk around the house that you want to get rid of? Does the trash man refuse to take it because it is too big to fit in the trashcan?

Since I am probably one of the few in my neighborhood without a pickup truck, I just keep such items and stick them in the garage or attic, figuring when I get enough for a load, I’ll pay someone to haul it away. But I never do. It just sits there accumulating dust until I move to another house or the junk takes over and I am forced to get rid of it.

Sounds like a redneck, huh?

Well, maybe YOU don’t do this, but I have a feeling rednecks are not the only ones. Some people can’t even park the car in their garage any more because it is already full – or they have to buy storage sheds just for junk.

Anyhow, the other day I was out in the garage when I stumbled on a rusty old file cabinet in the corner, far past the point of salvaging. I really needed to get rid of that eyesore. It has just been sitting there taking away valuable storage space. Being a proud redneck, however, I hated to pay somebody $20 to haul it away.

Then I remembered seeing this place over on the other side town with a fence around it and big containers. It had a sign on it that said “Community Disposal Center.” Maybe I could give it a try. I decided to check it out first, so I went for a short drive.

I’m telling you, this was a fantastic place! They had huge containers for discarded household items. They had bins for items that can be recycled if you are environmentally inclined, and finally they had compactors for people determined to be their own garbage man.

Has my life become so monotonous that a trash dump excites me, I wondered? I overheard one of the attendants say that county government provides it to help prevent illegal dumping. Guess it probably helps keep stuff off of porches and out of front yards too. Well, I wouldn’t go that far, but it is pretty hard to find a convenient dump, especially in an urban area.

With the help of my less-than-excited partner, I loaded that file cabinet in his SUV and took it off to the Community Disposal Center. I was absolutely thrilled! Now I could trim those overgrown trees with a bit of help from my partner again. I’d been putting it off because of the problem of disposing of the limbs. No more problems! A day of pruning, a couple of trips to the Disposal Center and the limbs were taken care of.

Then I remembered that old wheelbarrow I wanted to get rid off, the one with the wheel that keeps falling off and the concrete that dried up in it. That was another trip. I am getting to be their best customer.

I’m having so much fun hauling away junk, there soon won’t be much left at home. Old mattresses, old furniture, old appliances, tree limbs – you name it – they have it. Can you believe I actually saw one guy over there dumping an old couch? Guess he didn’t have room on the front porch for it.

It’s pretty sad when getting rid of junk becomes a major life experience. I never would have believed that it would come to this. But now I can actually think about cleaning the attic again. There must be all sorts of junk up there I could throw out. This could provide me with the incentive I need to get rid of years of accumulation. Yes, I have reached a new low. It takes so little to amuse me these days.

Don’t you wish that you could find a place to get rid of your junk? And, no, don’t even think about bringing all to me. I have enough of my own, thanks – unless, of course, it is a rusty car with a good transmission. I’m sure I could find a spot for that someplace. I wouldn’t want to get my redneck membership card revoked!

Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss
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About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
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14 Responses to I Might Be a Redneck

  1. My uncle bought a farm when he was in his 50s. Two huge barns. When he died close to 70, there were hundreds of broken things there (he thought he would use for parts but apparently never did). Over 100 old TVs. My aunt had to get someone to clean it out. She also had a HUGE auction on old tractors and farm equipment. I don’t ever want to get like that (it’s in the gene!).

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Good Will, Salvation Army= charitable income tax deduction. Get receipt, they let you fill it in yourself but claim far below actual value. If appropriate big usable they will also come to pick up things. Clothing great to homeless shelter too. Now if you come across some gold coins, rare stamps, or mummies, I will be glad to take such off your hands and naturally would pay for shipping.I am also looking for first edition Gutenberg Bibles and stone tablets by Moses.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. energywriter says:

    We all collect too much “stuff.” I have things that belonged to my mother and my son that my daughters have said they will never want, but I can’t throw it away. I don’t use it, but can’t bear to throw it away.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. energywriter says:

    P.S. I remember driving through West Virginia and seeing cars/trucks in the middle of fields and overgrown with weeds, some becoming trees.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. sniderjerry says:

    If my house was an airplane, it would never get off the ground because of all the things I don’t need holding it down. I better get busy. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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