Super Bowl Survival Guide

superbowl

Here it is that weekend again, football’s “last hurrah” for the season.  The whole county will be glued to the boob tube and you hate football.  Face it, if they like football, and probably even if they don’t, they are going to watch the Super Bowl.  No use trying to stop ’em or they will resent you until next football season.

If you can get away with it and don’t mind being out of “the know” completely, it is a great time to shop.  The malls are nearly empty during the Super Bowl because everyone is home watching the game.  But, if you spent all your money at Christmas and need to stay out of malls for a while, then you are probably stuck with the BIG GAME.

Prepare ahead of time. The leftover snack crackers from New Year’s eve are probably on sale at the local discount mart. Pick up a box or two. Also, don’t forget some diet soda for yourself. He will probably remember his own beer, but you might want to pick up some lite beer before he gets a chance to buy the regular, fattening kind.

Don’t count on ordering a pizza during the game. Pizza places are very busy during the Super Bowl and it will take forever to get your order. A pot of chili is an excellent idea and goes with the crackers. You can make it early and have it ready before game time. No point fixing a big meal to be gobbled down or ignored.

Super Bowl parties are a lot of fun. If you owe invitations from the holidays, it is a quick and easy way to pay back. Sit up TVs in various rooms of the house and ask everyone to bring a snack.  You can talk and visit and the guys can do what they do best – i.e. watch sports.

If, however, you are stuck watching the game, here are a few helpful hints.  If you can stand to watch the pre-game show, you will understand a little bit about what is going on.  After the kickoff, you can read a book, do needlework, surf the net, or whatever other solitary activity you enjoy. Do not, however, miss the commercials.

The commercials are the most important part of the Super Bowl.  Companies introduce their newest and best and put mega bucks into marketing for the Super Bowl.  Everyone will be talking about such-and-such commercial and you will be out of the conversation if you didn’t see it.

Secondly and equally important: Watch the last 5 minutes of the game!  That will be all anyone talks about anyhow. As long as you have seen the last few minutes, you can be a savvy participant in any post-game discussions. In the event the game goes into overtime, you will, unfortunately, have to watch that too. Any spectacular plays will be re-run a dozen times immediately following the game, so don’t worry about missing something important.

Now, these are football widow survival secrets that I’ve known about for years.  Actually, the “watch the last 5 minutes rule” works for most any sport, but is especially useful at Super Bowl time.

So…Go team!  Rah, rah and all that kinda stuff!  Just remember that the best part is that football season is nearly over, and you will soon have back your significant other – at least until pre-season for next year.

©1999 Sheila Moss
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About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites. SUBSCRIBE to my weekly columns hot off the keyboard and not available on my blog: humorcolumnist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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7 Responses to Super Bowl Survival Guide

  1. That looks like Tom Brady on TV. Predict he’ll be on target explosive today

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had a superbowl party once. Never again. I was so bored. The other women actually watched the game. Now we have a regular meal alone. My husband watches the game and I read a book in front of the TV. If there is a lot of screaming or carrying on (from my husband) I will watch the instant playback. I will have enough knowledge to participate in any superbowl conversation that I can’t avoid. Of course there is the puppy bowl. Now that’s good watching.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t even know who’s playing. Someone at work told me, but it went in one ear and out the other.

    However, I’m sure today will be a good day to do my grocery shopping. The desserted stores and streets will look like an apocalypse scene, and I’ll feel like Will Smith in “I am Legend.”

    It’s a good thing I don’t have beer or chicken wings on my shopping list, because I’m sure the supermarket shelves are bare today.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. energywriter says:

    You nailed it! Enjoy your needlepoint.Just remember pre-season baseball starts later this month.

    Liked by 1 person

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