The Birthday Boy

cakeMy honey has a birthday coming up. So, what’s the big deal? I mean, we all have one every year. Why must we continue to feel compelled to celebrate long after childhood and into adulthood? Well, okay, I guess every one deserves to be special at least once a year.

Problem is, once again I’ve failed to plan ahead. The last minute has come and I have no gift. The age-old problem strikes again. What to get him? Men! They are impossible to buy a gift for. Shirts, ties? He has enough. He doesn’t want more of that stuff. After-shave? He has a five-year supply already. Computer gadgets, records, books? Too late to shop on the net like I did at Christmas. I should have planned ahead.

What does he really NEED? Shouldn’t it be something a person needs? Well, how about a pair of shoes? Dumb gift, but he did show me a hole in his sole and rant about how he had to get some new ones. Yes, SHOES are what he really NEEDS. But how can I pick out shoes? Even if I get the right size and the right style, shoes are one thing that really has to be tried on. A gift certificate? Surely I can be more creative than that.

I know, a token pair of shoes – baby shoes – with a little note that says, “These represent the new shoes you are going to get later,” or something like that. Maybe he can hang them on the rear view mirror in his car. I’ve been working on making him into a redneck anyhow.

No, somehow, I just don’t think that’s going to work. I need to come up with something else. Maybe I can just write an I.O.U. note in a card. I decide to go to the card shop. Wouldn’t you know it? Hallmark has a display case full of miniature shoes. Perfect! Look at the little sneaker! It will make a cute paperweight, and I can put a note in it that indicates it represents the real pair of shoes I will help him pick out later.

I’m pretty pleased with myself. These Hallmark folks think of everything, don’t they? Life is good.

So, I wrapped up the little shoe in the little shoebox with the little I.O.U. note inside. On the Big Day, I put the gift on his computer chair where he would be sure to find it. SURPRISE!

“I didn’t understand your gift,” said my honey. “I thought it was a paperweight.”

Argh, he didn’t like it!

“But, then I saw the note,” he continued.

Whew, saved!!!

So, I successfully procrastinated shopping for a gift one more time. It’s going to catch up with me, though. He’s already talking about going shopping for shoes on Saturday. Saturday? I’m too busy — I’m too tired. Okay, okay, I’m too lazy.

I thought only men put things off. Why must he be the thoughtful, considerate one who always shops ahead for nice gifts while I wait until the eleventh hour? I need to do better next year. I’m turning over a new leaf.

But right now, I’ve got to figure out how to put off this trip to the shopping mall until NEXT Saturday.

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss
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About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites. SUBSCRIBE to my weekly columns hot off the keyboard and not available on my blog: humorcolumnist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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4 Responses to The Birthday Boy

  1. Tell him while you’re there you want to stop at Victoria’s Secret. That will kill the interest. Or maybe a LADIES shoe store. Maybe you can get a pair of shoes too!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lois says:

    I am afraid I am not any help in this matter. I make Jeff go through the various catalogs that he likes and have him circle things that he definitely wants and just not what looks interesting to him. Then I order the items and hide them until Christmas, birthday, etc. I have already started on Christmas this year. A new record for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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