It isn’t every day that a writer has a story land practically right in their lap, but that is exactly what happened to me.

It was a rather nice late August day, not as humid as your average summer day in middle Tennessee. So, I had decided to take a break from the office and spend my lunch hour outside. I walked to Legislative Plaza, a large park-like area with fountains and such, right across the street from the Tennessee State Capitol.

There I was, munching on my granola bar and wondering what I could write my column about this week when I heard a loud crash. A large luxury vehicle made a wrong turn and jumped the curb, stopping on the sidewalk at the top of the wide stairs leading down to the plaza. The car was stuck and could not back up – so the driver just proceeded to drive forward — right down the long flight of stairs and onto the pedestrian plaza.

All the scraping and crunching attracted a lot of attention including that of the Capitol Police. The cops caught up with the car on foot, and the slightly bewildered driver still was not aware of the predicament he was in. Apparently he didn’t know that there was no way off the plaza except via stairs. Another cop joined the police officer and as they began to survey the situation, they broke into gales of laughter.

A crowd gathered and spectators watched and giggled as the story continued to unfold. After all, right in front of the State Capitol is not exactly the most inconspicuous spot in the city.

“How did that car get there?” mused newly arriving viewers.

I began to feel a bit sorry for the dazed, but humiliated, driver. Police radioed for assistance and soon the traffic division arrived. The traffic officer did not find the situation quite as humorous as the other officers. Unmarked security soon joined the other cops, and legislators on their way back from lunch stopped to survey the situation. “Oh, boy,” I thought, “With politicians involved they will never get anything done.” Tourists snapped pictures of the stranded vehicle to take home as souvenirs, and TV crews with mini-cams arrived.

A tow truck was called, but after much cell phoning, hum-hawing and head scratching, the driver was unable to figure out a way to rescue the car. Government office workers in the plaza ate their brown bag lunches and enjoyed the free lunch hour entertainment, wondering what would be next.

Eventually, a larger tow truck came, traffic was stopped, and a flatbed tow truck removed the car. The audience applauded. Officer workers drifted away back to their cubicles and paperwork. The misfortunate driver appeared to be receiving some paperwork of his own — undoubtedly they were throwing the book at the old guy. Legislators inspected the concrete steps for damage and will probably introduce a bill next week to put up vehicle barriers in front of the stairs.

And that’s the story just the way it happened, folks, from your eyewitness humor columnist on the scene with up to the minute coverage of minor auto mishaps and brown bag lunches. Once again we have proven there’s never a shortage of funny news when it comes to the lousy drivers in Tennessee.

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss