Photo by Ryan Christodoulou on Unsplash
- You can’t believe you spent 10 hours cooking it and they ate it in 10 minutes.
- You check your popup timer to see if it’s really over.
- When you hear the word leftovers, you call 911.
- You lock the door so your relatives don’t come back.
- Your turkey was generic, but guests “Can’t believe it’s not Butterball.”
- Your oven is passing a petition against you.
- Your grocery store sends you fan mail instead of coupons.
- You received a new smoke detector as a hostess gift.
- You haven’t slept since you bought the turkey.
- You fell asleep after Thanksgiving with your apron on.
- You forgot to baste the turkey but it promised not to tell.
- You had pumpkin pie for breakfast.
- Your dishwasher is having hot flashes.
- You can’t open the refrigerator because leftovers will fall out.
- You have re-occurring flash-backs of eating too much.
- You would like to jog it off, but you can’t bend over to put on your jogging shoes.
- You buy a lifetime supply of paper plates and swear you’ll never wash dishes again.
- You make a donation to Save the Turkeys and become a vegan.
- Your garbage disposer doesn’t want any more leftovers either.
- You wonder if Thanksgiving is actually a holiday invented by supermarkets.
- You are grateful that no one has invented a recipe for chocolate covered turkey (yet).
- You have to eat without forks because all the silverware is in the dishwasher.
- You call your leftovers the Butterball Mystery Meat.
- You eat fast food hamburgers the next day because anything is better than turkey.
- Thanksgiving is the only time you get to recycle all your good china.
- You know all the pots fit in the cabinet before, so why don’t they fit now?
- The stove has gone on strike for better working conditions.
- The local grocery store wants to adopt you.
- Your turkey roaster is insured against theft, fire, and explosion.
- Foodmart now has a lien against your home.
- You’re so tired, you don’t even mind watching football on TV.
- Your goal in life is to teach someone else to “do” Thanksgiving.
- You do not eat for three days because heating up leftovers is too much work.
- Black Friday is not your idea of the way to work off overeating.
- You wouldn’t go shopping if they were giving away Toys R Us.
- You wonder what to do with the turkey bones to keep the trash can from complaining.
- Your house has been designated a national turkey memorial site.
- You wonder what they eat for Thanksgiving in Turkey.
- -Pumpkin scented candles give you a pumpkin scented migraine.
- You think Black Friday should be called Good Friday because Thanksgiving is over.
- If they think a turkey can gobble, they should see your family at the table.
- Amazing how your smoke detector shorted out exactly when the turkey finished cooking.
- No use crying over spilt gravy, unless you slip and fall in it.
- If the potatoes boil over, think of it as an excuse to clean the stove.
- You wonder if it’s possible to have a candied sweet potato hangover.
- You would appreciate the compliments more if they were not followed by “See ya next year.”
- Your favorite things are turkey sandwiches, turkey soup and turkey pot pie,
because they mean Thanksgiving is finished. - You’re wondering if the turkey is the turkey or if you are.
- If you think you are upset by Thanksgiving, consider the turkey.
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Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Humor Columnist Blog 
That is cute. Nice for some chuckles, thanks.
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Funny! I’m sharing this with my daughter. She’s the one stuck with hosting all of us.
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