The Hoarder Episode



My house was like an episode from “Hoarders.” I don’t know how it happened — but that’s what they all say, isn’t it? Okay, I do know how it happened and it’s my fault … sort of.

I wanted to get rid of the carpeting in my house. It was old and worn out and beyond the point of being revived by Merry Maids or Stanley Steamer or anyone else. At some point you just have to face the fact that nothing lasts forever and the carpet had to go. I have allergies and so do half the other people in the house. If we had to redo the floors, we might as well do something besides re-carpet.

I looked at all the ads in the magazines. I talked to other people who said how easy it is to take care of hardwood. I lusted after the new prefinished hardwood floor at the dentist office from the time I first saw it. So, I decided that I wanted hardwood … no more dusty carpets in my house.

That doesn’t sound like a hoarder, does it?

But hardwood floors were easier said than done. The installer came and measured, and then we went down to the local Lumber Liquidators and picked out a beautiful hardwood. After signing on the dotted line, I got the news. “Wood has to acclimate.”

“Acclimate?” What’s that?

Well, it seemed hardwood had to be in the house where it would be installed for a week to adjust to its new surroundings – all 50 boxes of it. It’s like a plant moving to a new location. Who would have known?

So, that’s why my dining area was full of boxes halfway to the ceiling with cats jumping around on them. It was awful, but what could I do?

And the rest of the boxes all over the house? I could explain, truly I could. But, that’s what they all say, isn’t it?

You see, when the installer was here, he didn’t like all my accessories. It happens that I like knickknacks and had a lot of things. And then I had some pictures of my grandchildren, and a few nice things that I picked up on various vacations or received as gifts. It’s was a hodgepodge of collectables, but tasteful, not overdone — in my opinion.

The installer said, “We, will move the furniture, but you need to move the lamps and all this other stuff.”

Oh dear, I was afraid of that. But I didn’t want my collectables broken. It may be junk and clutter to construction people, but it wasn’t to me.

And that’s what was in the other boxes. My son put most of them out in the garage where they would be out of the way. And some of it was on the fireplace mantel and kitchen cabinets.

Then I realized the closets would have to be emptied too. Oh-my-god! I forgot about the closets. How could I forget about the closets?

So that explained a lot more of it.

And those boxes in the bedroom that we were climbing around were honey’s “art collection.” He had a lot of art prints that we didn’t have room to hang, and so we put them in the big closet — the one under the stairs.

The dust? Did you have to bring up the dust? I dust every week. But, somehow when you start moving everything around, the dust flies. I don’t know where it comes from — but that’s what they all say, isn’t it?

After weeks of living like a hoarder, it was finally all over. I got rid of a lot of stuff that I decided wasn’t worth the trouble of packing and moving around. What was left would be clean. And this time I was going to keep it that way — but that’s what they all say, isn’t it?

Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss
Edited

About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
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2 Responses to The Hoarder Episode

  1. Yes, that is what we all say!

    Like

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