Well, my old Corvette finally died and the cost of fixing it was greater than the value of the car. I should have traded it in long ago, but it was so nice to have no car payment. My Corvette days are now over. It was a lot of fun, but it is time to buy something more practical.

I really didn’t know what I wanted. Everyone I asked suggested a different brand, so that wasn’t much help. “I don’t want to go around car dealerships looking for a car,” I said.

My son interrupted, “Mom, that is not the way you buy a car now.”

“It isn’t? Well, how is it done?”

“You find a car you like online, and they bring it to you to look at.”

“Oh, really?” I feel so old.

He has a Hyundai and suggested I look at them. “They are good cars and have a great warranty.”

I thought the Elantra was cute. My son called and before long the salesman drove up in a shiny blue car. It was love at first sight. I made the enormously difficult decision of buying the first thing I saw. Soon I was signing on the dotted line and my checkbook was coughing.

Cars have really changed since I last bought one. This car has more bells and whistles than Air Force One. I am having a hard time adjusting to all the “driver aids.” I know times have changed — there are self-driving cars and robots that are almost human. Still, I think I am capable of thinking for myself and all the noises are starting to get on my nerves.

Get a little over the line in the road and it beeps. “It’s okay, car! I am changing lanes.” Stop at a red light and it dings when the car in front of you goes. “I can see! You don’t need to tell me everything!” The salesman had gone over all the “features” when he delivered the car. I didn’t pay much attention. I’ve been driving since before he was born.

The car doesn’t start with the key; it has a button to start it. One day it rained and I figured out the windshield wipers. It came with automatic lights, so the car itself took care of that.  However, one day I accidentally changed the setting and had to figure out the lights. I’m still working on opening the trunk. I drove it for a couple weeks thinking it locked itself when I got out and walked away. Then I found out you have to press a button on the handle and it beeps once to lock, twice to unlock. Thank goodness it didn’t get stolen.

If the car thinks you are cutting off the car behind you, it buzzes loudly. One day I was going to change lanes and another car was also changing. I put on my left turn signal and my car went nuts with buzzers. “Shut up! I see the dang car!”

I drove for a long time before it needed gas. I looked it up to see what kind of gas to put in it and how to open the gas tank. It uses the cheap stuff instead of the high-priced fuel my old car sucked down. I really, really like the back-up camera, but I don’t trust it and look anyhow.

There are many more unnecessary “assists” you can add, like remote entry. I wonder if I can get all these bells and beepers turned off and drive it like a normal car. Or maybe I should try to get used to the dings and beeps as they are safety features.

If you hear something beeping, dinging, and buzzing down the road, don’t panic. It’s only me trying to drive a car that is smarter than I am.

Copyright 2023 Sheila Moss