Last year I decided I was tired of my old garden hose that leaked and had been repaired several times.  I went to the hardware store and bought a fancy new hose, 100 feet long and heavy duty. I also got a new nozzle, the metal kind that does not break all the time and squirt water in your face.

I was in hose heaven for a while. I could water my flowers, clean the patio and wash the fallen crabapples off the driveway. The hose was so heavy it didn’t get kinks in it. It was a beautiful hose, just what I needed – until today.

I was working on my “to do” list this week. I was going to wash the windows outside today. I can’t remember the last time they were done. I’m getting too arthritic to climb a ladder, but I thought I could at least wash them with a garden hose, even if it left a few water spots.  I got an early start as the weather had been incredibly hot and humid and I wanted to finish before the heat of the day.

The idea I had was to unscrew the nozzle on the hose that I use in back of the house and put it on another shorter hose that I use in the front yard. Good idea, except I could not get the nozzle off no matter how hard I twisted or what I called it. Well, I would try the other end, the one fastened to the faucet. It was my lucky day; it unscrewed easily. So, I will simply move the entire hose to the front and use it instead, I thought. No problem.

But the hose would not cooperate. It apparently had been laying around in the grass longer than I thought as grass runners had grown over the top of it. I finally managed to get it untangled from the grass and started dragging it toward the front of the house. There was no way I could carry it. It was way too heavy.

As I dragged it along, it managed to grab onto every obstacle along the way. It knocked over the trash can. It tied itself into a knot. It wrapped itself around a bush. I had emptied the water to make it lighter, but that didn’t seem to help. That hose felt as if it weighed a hundred pounds.

I finally made it to the front but my back was almost broken. After I untangled the hose from the lilies it had latched onto, I tried to screw it on the faucet in the front yard. As usually, it would not cooperate. It went on sideways; it wouldn’t tighten; it popped loose. Eventually, though, I managed to get it on enough that it only leaked a little.

Sweat was running into my eyes and burning. It was dripping off the end of my nose. I will not be defeated by a stupid hose, I thought. With sheer grit and determination, I managed to clean the windows and finish my chore.

I was so tired I could not drag it back. It was left on the sidewalk in front of my house. I would cut it into shreds, but I guess I was too exhausted for revenge. I was so worn out that I went inside and took a nap — dirt, sweat and all. When I woke up, I took a shower, washed my hair and spent the rest of the day recovering from the hose ordeal.

I am not anxious to talk about my day.  Guess I can mark “wash the windows” off my list now. After this experience, the windows may never be cleaned again.  

I will keep the drapes closed so I can’t see them and it will not matter. 

Copyright 2014 Sheila Moss