Honey has been hinting about a new TV for some time. I ignored his hints. As long as the old one worked, I saw no reason to get another expensive gadget. But men think they need the latest model, whether it’s a car, a TV or a trophy wife.
The old TV failed to comprehend that its days were numbered and continued to have temper tantrums. When you turned it on, the picture was red and green streaks shot across the screen. “See, it is going out,” said Honey hopefully. But after a while, the picture became the right color and could be watched normally. I must admit the box was a bit of a dinosaur as television sets go, 13 years old, but the bottom line was that it worked.
Truthfully, I have hated that television set since the day it arrived. It is one of the old large-screen sets, about the size of a kitchen range. The delivery people needed Vaseline to squeeze the black monstrosity through the door when he bought it. Eventually, we put it in the living room and partially disguised its ugliness with an entertainment center.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago at Walmart. Honey zeroed in on the electronics section like a missile locked on a target. “Isn’t it great?” he asked, fondly eyeballing an over-priced flat-screen TV with a fan club of adoring guys gawking in front of it.
“Good grief, it needs its own assembly hall. That screen is as large as an I-Max.”
“Yes,” said Honey, with that unmistakable I-gotta-have-it look in his eye. “Look, the screen is curved,” said Honey as if that resolved any objection I might have about our need for a new contraption.
I thought he would forget about it if I could get him unglued and home. I should have known better. The man was obsessed. Finally, I agreed to “look” at the flat-screen monstrosities at Best Buy. We picked out the one we would get – IF – the old clunker went out completely. “Everyone says Samsung is best,” he informed me. It was only a matter of screen size: extra-large, super-size or football scoreboard.
Meanwhile, the prehistoric TV continued to hum away. Finally, the inevitable happened, Honey decided to get a new TV whether we needed it or not. Why am I not surprised? “I’ve already looked,” I said. “Get the one we picked out.” I couldn’t stand another trip through Electronic Wonderland. I did manage to squeeze one concession from him; it had to fit on the wall over the fireplace.
To make a long story short, the Geek Squad came and delivered the Space Age flat-screen. Of course, there were problems with installation. The cable box was on the wrong end of the room. Not to worry, Honey called Direct TV to install a new box. I now have a cable running across the living room floor temporarily until the company can get here.
The only good thing was that the geeks convinced him to throw out the obsolete DVD, VCR and tuner. I had been trying to get rid of those dust collectors for years. Cutting-edge people, like we now are, download movies from the Internet and record programs directly through the cable service.
So, the television is on the wall with a sound bar that can blast you out of bed at 5:30 in the morning. Don’t ask me how I know. The screen is so large that you need sunglasses to keep your eyes from watering. Technology is alive and well and we are now up to speed — at least until something better comes along and we become obsolete, as usual.