A fellow humorist and writer always looking for a easy pun, made an interesting comment the other day:

We would love to go visit my niece in Nashville, but I’m afraid we probably wouldn’t all fit in her apartment and we’re too cheap to spring for a hotel. I wonder if there are any trailers for rent in the area?

Naturally I took offense.  There it is again, a pun about the South and the insinuation that we all live in trailers.  Interesting question, though.  Wonder if he COULD rent a mobile home?  I decided to pursue the question.

I was somewhat amazed at the ingenuity of thinking of renting a mobile trailer home.  A quick check of the Metro Nashville yellow pages directory revealed a few choice locations with mobile home rentals.  We cover our bases here. Before y’all come down, though, be aware that they require an application, credit check and expect a 90-day lease.  Be careful what you call a trailer too.  Unless you want something to haul your boat around with, or have a semi-tractor that needs a back end, you could end up with something other than what you have in mind.

Nashville, contrary to popular opinion, is nothing like the image portrayed in popular culture.  Actually, it is a rather modern, cosmopolitan city.  Metro Nashville includes the entire county of Davidson, having expanded years ago to take over the surrounding small suburban communities.  We still have a “country” image.  Nashvillians work hard maintaining this image and keeping the tourists coming. There’s big money to be made from entertainment and tourism.

Too bad you are gonna bypass the Opryland Hotel. It is one of the largest and most touristy places you’ll ever see. Numerous walkways through atrium gardens, including fountains, canals, and waterfalls are the main focus of the multi-billion-dollar complex called a hotel.  Even though are staying at the trailer park, I suggest you at least go look at the hotel.

Opryland Park, the amusement park where I used to ride roller coasters, is gone.  They bulldozed it down to build a fancy new shopping mall for you tourists.  You probably have seen malls before, so I’d just skip it. By the way, most of us locals are still mad about Opryland Park being torn down.  It’s a sore subject around here, so I wouldn’t dwell on it too much.

The Grand Ol ‘Opry is still here and it’s what most of the tourists come to see.  Even if you hate country music with a passion, don’t fail to see it while you’re here.  It is the best professional entertainment show in town – plenty of country music folks all doing their best hillbilly entertainment routine, just for you.  Don’t expect to see them after the show, though.  They probably don’t live in Nashville, and if they do, they have well guarded estates.

You might enjoy a trip to 2nd Street. It is a seedy old section of town that has been refurbished, more or less, for tourists.  You can two-step at the Wild Horse Saloon or buy an overpriced hamburger at Hard Rock Café. The Ryman Auditorium, former home of the Opry, is in the area. Stop in at Tootsies Orchid Lounge, a famous dive bar on lower Broad, where country music stars used to quench their thirst in the olden days. The Tennessee Titans’ new stadium is downtown. When there is a game, the locals flee downtown for their lives while herds of sports fans take over the city.

We are a historic city. General Grant’s army occupied Nashville for most of the war, you see.  We avoided much of the devastation incurred by other Southern cites and also established the useful skill of being able to endure Yankees.

So y’all come, ya hear!  Bring your families, bring your boats, bring your campers, bring your cameras, and especially bring your money!  Our Southern hospitality runs just as deep as your good credit. Do we take care of our tourists, or don’t we?

©2000 Sheila Moss
Edited for length