Well, it’s that time again. Nerds beware! It’s the macho celebration of the year – SuperBowl weekend. Every year they do it — go nuts over football! The only good thing about it is that that it signals the end of another season. Soon we will have our absentee husbands and boyfriends back. We only hope that we will be able to pry that remote control out of their hand and that they have not gone into rigor mortis.

The media is hyping it up as usual. Every year they try to make a bigger deal over it than the year before. Of course, I don’t really care myself since the Titans are out of it. The way things are supposed to work, they tell me, is that you are supposed to root for the division that your favorite team is in even if your favorite team is not playing. That means I’m supposed to root for Kansas City, which is the team that beat the Titans to knock them out of contention. What? No sore losers allowed?

This year it is called SuperBowl LIV. Why do they use Roman numerals? Are regular numbers not good enough for the SuperBowl? I have to stop and figure it out every time. What does L mean and is IV four or six? Roman numerals. Guess it has something to do with gladiators, stadiums, or something of that sort. Anyhow, I wish they could just use regular numbers and name it for the calendar year instead of the number of times the SuperBowl has been played.

Both teams have gathered in Miami for a media week. The game gets a day, but the media get a week? Does that tell you something? Which reminds me, have you heard about the drones? The FAA has banned drones at the Superbowl and within 34 miles, which some people think is overkill since the dome has a top on it. They have cameras all around the top of the stadium to take pictures of the game from every possible angle. The fine is $30,000 for violation of the “no drone zone.” Wow, wonder what that would be in Roman Numerals?

A lot of people still think college football is more exciting, but others argue that nothing can beat the excitement of pro ball and especially the SuperBowl which is the biggest of the pro games. The SuperBowl even has it’s own website. On it you can buy a baseball cap with your favorite team logo for $32.99. Why a baseball cap? Well, they don’t call it that, they call it a locker room hat, but it looks like a baseball cap to me. I can’t remember the last time I was in a locker room, so I don’t need one.

They say the teams are so evenly matched that it is almost impossible to predict a winner. That, of course, is right before they predict a winner. Bet that anyone in San Francisco or Kansas City could predict a winner. Why don’t they just ask them?

Now they are even trying to convince us that women actually like football. Yeah, right! They have Women’s Clinics to “educate” women on football – presumably men need no education. They say that millions of women will watch the SuperBowl and that 40% of football fans are women. They don’t mention that men sit on the remote control and threaten violence so that women have no choice.  Sure, women may SAY they like football, but they probably say they like Gatorade too.

I never watch the game myself, just the commercials and the last 5 or 10 minutes. That’s all anyone ever talks about anyhow. Y’all have fun! Hope your favorite team wins. I’ll just wear my Titan’s sweatshirt and be a sore loser.

Copyright 2000 Sheila Moss
Updated 2020