Severe Winter Weather Bulletin


As Issued by The National Weather Service


… LIGHT SNOW TODAY THEN AN ARCTIC BLAST LATE TONIGHT… AN ARTIC BLAST IS SIMILAR TO SONIC BLAST BUT DOES NOT COME IN FOUR FLAVORS… GET YOUR MAGNIFYING GLASS READY TO LOOK FOR A SNOWFLAKE…OR TWO.

AN ARCTIC COLD FRONT IN MISSOURI IS PUSHING SOUTHEASTWARD… MISSOURI IS NOT IN THE ARTIC… BUT COLD FRONTS DO NOT WORRY ABOUT SUCH MINOR DETAILS… LIGHT SNOW AHEAD OF THE COLD FRONT HAS BEEN REPORTED BY SNOWBIRD AND THE TV WEATHER CHANNEL WHERE WE GET OUR BEST INFORMATION…AS WELL AS BY SEVERAL SCHOOL BUS DRIVERS WHO WANT THE DAY OFF…

TEMPERATURES BEHIND THE ARCTIC FRONT HAVE DROPPED INTO THE SINGLE DIGITS LOCALLY… AS THE COLD AIR MOVES IN…TEMPERATURES WILL DROP TO AROUND -5 DEGREES BY TOMORROW NIGHT… DO NOT ATTEMPT TO GO ICE SKATING UNTIL THE ICE IS MUCH THICKER… WE TRIED IT AND LOST A TV WEATHER PERSON EARLIER TODAY…

THE BITTER COLD WILL CONTINUE THROUGH THE WEEKEND BEFORE A GRADUAL WARMUP… WE KNOW THE COLD IS BITTER BECAUSE A WEATHERMAN CAUGHT SNOWFLAKES ON HIS TONGUE TO TEST IT… RESIDENTS SHOULD TAKE PRECAUTIONS TO PROTECT LIFE AND PROPERTY FROM THE BITTER COLD…UNLESS YOU NEED A DEAD BATTERY IN YOUR CAR AS AN EXCUSE TO TAKE OFF FROM WORK…

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A WIND CHILL ADVISORY… WHICH IS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM TODAY UNTIL 6 AM TOMORROW. IF YOU HURRY… YOU WILL STILL HAVE TIME TO MAKE IT TO KROGERS FOR BREAD AND MILK… A WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL TOMORROW OR UNTIL THE WEATHER SERVICE GIVES UP ALL HOPE… WHICHEVER COMES FIRST…

* TIMING… SNOW ACCUMULATION EXPECTED THROUGH MID AFTERNOON… MAY WE SUGGEST CARRYING A SNOW BRUSH AND ICE SCRAPER AS THERE IS ALWAYS THE POSSIBILITY THAT WE COULD BE RIGHT FOR A CHANGE…

* MAIN IMPACT… ONE INCH SNOWFALL EXPECTED… TRAVEL PROBLEMS AND DELAYS CAN BE EXPECTED ACROSS THE MID STATE SINCE SOUTHERNERS HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DRIVE IN SNOW…WHETHER THERE IS ONE INCH OR SIX…

* OTHER IMPACTS… SINCE WE HAD TO BACK DOWN ON THE SIX INCHES OF SNOW PREDICTED EARLIER (DRAT IT) WE ARE HAPPY TO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO RANT ABOUT… WIND CHILL VALUES TONIGHT WILL FALL TO FIVE DEGREES BELOW ZERO… THAT IS *FREEZE YOUR BUNS OFF* COLD…IN CASE YOU DONT KNOW… WIND CHILL ADVISORY IS IN EFFECT NOW… SO IF YOU HAVE ANY PLANS CANCEL THEM AND MAKE A POT OF FIVE ALARM CHILI INSTEAD…

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS…

A WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY MEANS THAT PERIODS OF SNOW WILL CAUSE TRAVEL DIFFICULTIES… BE PREPARED FOR SLIPPERY ROADS AND LIMITED VISIBILITIES… AND USE CAUTION WHILE DRIVING… IF YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF USING CAUTION… STAY OUT OF THE WAY OF THE OTHER DRIVERS WHO PROBABLY CANNOT USE CAUTION EITHER…

A WIND CHILL ADVISORY MEANS THAT VERY COLD AIR AND STRONG WINDS WILL COMBINE TO GENERATE LOW WIND CHILLS… WIND CHILL IS DIFFERENT THAN TEMPERATURE… SO DONT GET MIXED UP ABOUT IT… WIND CHILL WILL RESULT IN FROST BITE AND LEAD TO HYPOTHERMIA IF PRECAUTIONS ARE NOT TAKEN… THIS MEANS STAY INSIDE… IF YOU MUST VENTURE OUTDOORS…MAKE SURE YOU WEAR A HAT AND GLOVES… ALSO WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR IN CASE YOU ARE IN AN ACCIDENT AND HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL.. (OUR MOTHER MADE US SAY THIS…)

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS SEVERE WEATHER ADVISORY FROM THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE…WE ARE SORRY THAT WEATHER PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO USE THE SHIFT KEY AND MUST WRITE IN ALL CAPS… IF IT IS SNOWING WHERE YOU ARE…SEND IN A PICTURE SO WE WILL KNOW WHAT TO PREDICT IN OUR NEXT WEATHER ADVISORY…


Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
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4 Responses to Severe Winter Weather Bulletin

  1. Nice. Yeah we got hit with the negative temps and snow too. Chuck loves it. Always sitting near the door even if it’s 1 degree out. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lois Hunter says:

    Ok Sheila, are you the reason the Polar Vortex is now going to come and get us, up here in the southwest of B.C.? We have been watching the cold and snow for the eastern half of the country and now it looks like we are going to get it. Ours is due on Monday night, along with wind. Did you put a jinx on us? LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

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