Plan Ahead for a Smooth Turkey Day


I saw an article somewhere with a lot of suggestions about how to plan ahead for Thanksgiving to make things go smoothly . It seemed like a great idea,
but the following is about how my planning ahead usually goes.

Day 1
– I think I’ll have everyone to my house for Thanksgiving this year. It will be fun to have the family all together! I have nearly two weeks to make plans, so I’ll get everything ready ahead of time.

Day 2 – Call and invite everyone and ask him or her to bring a dish. Mom will bring green beans, but is it okay if she just brings them in the can? Sis is on a diet and can only eat lettuce. Daughter will bring dessert since pumpkin pies are on sale at Kroger’s. Daughter #2 will bring a can of cranberry sauce. Son will be eating with his wife’s family first. Don’t wait dinner.

Day 3 – Where is the turkey roaster? I know I used to have one. I can’t find the meat thermometer either. How do you cook a turkey anyhow? It’s been so long I don’t remember. Do they come with directions? Good thing I’m planning ahead.

Day 4 – Make up grocery list. Rob a bank and then go buy everything I will need.

Day 5– Take turkey out of freezer and start letting it thaw. Only one week left until the big day!

Day 6 – Plan ahead for using leftovers. I’ll probably be stuck with 20 pounds of cold turkey. Try to find recipes for turkey hash, turkey potpie, turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey salad, and turkey casserole.

Day 7 – Drag out all the good china that is packed away and wash it. Polish the tarnished silver. Maybe we could just use paper plates and napkins with a nice picture of a turkey next time?

Day 8 – Pumpkin-scented candles will make a nice centerpiece for the table as long we don’t forgot to blow them out and burn the house down like Aunt Maxine did a few years ago.

Day 9 – Do I have enough extra chairs? Oh, my, gosh! Let’s see, I can use the ones from the card table, the typing chair with wheels from the computer desk, the rocking chair from the bedroom, and the small stepladder from the garage if worse comes to worse.

Day 10 – Continue looking for stupid recipe book with sweet potato recipe and how-to-cook-a-turkey directions. Clean out kitchen cabinets and drawers. Finally find recipe book behind the pots. Oh, well, the cabinets needed cleaning anyhow.

Day 11 – Pray that glass dish with sweet potato casserole does not crack in oven after being in refrigerator all night. It was the only one I had that was big enough.

Day 12 – Thanksgiving – PANIC! Turkey is still frozen. Cook it with paper & giblets inside because they won’t come out. Fix instant stuffing from a box — no one will know.

Guests arrive and offer to help — after everything is done. The men only want to watch football on TV. The turkey sticks to the bottom of pan and won’t come out. The kids chase the cat and it jumps on table. Everyone fills up on the cheese ball and crackers and isn’t hungry.

Everything is ready to serve, but no one will come to table until the football game is over.

They finally eat, brag about how good the dressing is, and suggest that we do it again at Christmas.

I’ve started a holiday tradition.?

After I recover from my heart attack and restart my heart, I suggest that we
alternate houses and I offer to bring dessert. No one says anything.

After they leave, I put the battery back in the smoke alarm and feel thankful. No, not because it is Thanksgiving. I’m thankful because they are all gone, the potato casserole didn’t crack, I only have 10 pounds of leftover turkey, the football game is over, and I remembered to blow out the candles.

Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss

About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites.
This entry was posted in Family, Food, Holidays, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Plan Ahead for a Smooth Turkey Day

  1. energywriter says:

    Funny, you described the experience very well.

    At this point my daughter hosts the holidays. She has the biggest house. biggest tv and the most toys. She cooks the turkey and sends out side dish/dessert assignments (includes recipes for me). She uses those heavy paper platters for the main course and paper plates for dessert along with plastic utensils. The women and kids set at the table, the men eat in front of the football game. My other daughter and I help clean up. The moms keep the kids under control. It all works very well. This year we had 12 adults and 6 boys (2 mo. to 9 yr.). There are no arguments about assignments. If anyone complains the host says, “Okay, I’ll make the vegetables and you can cook the turkey.” One time is all it takes. After that we cheerfully accept our assignments. sd

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lois says:

    And now you have created a monster! Maybe once the holidays are over you can move it to someone else and they will be more agreeable. Yeah right, not likely! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hilarious! What a fun Thanksgiving post!

    Liked by 1 person

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