Christmas is coming! I’m excited! I can hardly wait to get started with the decorating! I wonder if we will have a White Christmas this year? Wouldn’t that be great?

Put up the Christmas tree. Get out the ornaments out of storage. Each one has a special memory. Decorating the tree is so much fun! And doesn’t the tree look beautiful with all the shiny decorations and lights?

Go shopping for gifts. The mall is decorated with greenery and lights. Crowds of people are all shopping for special gifts. Christmas music is playing. I’m really starting to get into the spirit of Christmas.

I don’t remember wrapping gifts being this much work last year. Maybe I should have remembered to buy boxes. But the wrapped presents do look festive with the holiday paper and bows.

Go back to the mall – I didn’t get half of what I needed. I can’t find a parking place and have to walk a mile in the cold. I wish they would turn that confounded canned holiday music down. It’s getting on my nerves. And why is everything so expensive?

Visit the toy store. There seems to be no such thing as buying the toy you want. The manufacture didn’t make enough to meet the demand. The toy I want sold out in October. They are really sorry and will have a new shipment in on December 26th. Where’s Santa when you really need him?

Attend the annual office party. Make small talk, overeat, and try not to talk about business. Don’t drink too much in front of business associates. Why do we have to have business parties? I’m sick of these people; I see them every day. I’d rather be at home sleeping!

The relatives are coming to my place. I gotta cook a turkey, or something. Can’t we just make it a potluck? How about Christmas lasagna? Hope they don’t get bombed on the fruitcake this year.

Why did I wait until the last minute again? I’ll just run to the local discount store and pick up those last minute gifts. Buy anything, anything! What does it matter? They will return it after Christmas anyhow.

Christmas is here at last! Santa came; the gifts are under the tree; the snow is glistening outside; the turkey is in the oven. It’s a perfect Christmas! And best of all, it’s almost over till next year – thank God!

Go return all the gifts I received – nothing fits. Now take down the blankety-blank tree. Pack the stupid decorations in a box. Throw in the confounded lights. Drag the whole mess back upstairs to the attic. Burn the boxes and paper in the fireplace. Clean the entire stinking house. Collapse of exhaustion.

Merry (non) Perfect Christmas!