Life’s Little Lessons about Christmas

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  • Walmart is the gift shop of last resort for the entire the population of the U.S.
  • Christmas spirit is a mania created by commercial advertisers during October.
  • It’s the gift that counts – disregard any information to the contrary.
  • Christmas is not for children, it’s to give teachers some time off.
  • Never buy a live Christmas tree unless you are a cat.
  • Fashion experts say sweaters with Santa and holly are cheesy –  which shows what a bunch of scrooges they are.
  • The best things in life are free – but department stores didn’t get the memo.
  • Christmas gift bags and tissue paper are the best invention since peppermint candy.
  • Snow is best when left outside, but preferably not on the driveway.
  • The best time to shop for decorations is after Christmas, but who wants them then?
  • Regardless of what toy you want, the next shipment will not be until January.
  • Give children plastic gift cards and see how carefully they spend their own money.
  • There is always room for another stuffed animal – at least in a grandparent’s opinion.
  • Regardless of the number of parking places, they will all be taken when you get there.
  • Santa Claus really doesn’t care whether you are naughty or nice.  He has other things to worry about.
  • You always get Christmas cards from the people that you didn’t send one to.
  • There is no problem too great for a solution; however, there are many gifts too large for gift boxes.
  • Other people’s gifts to you always seem much nicer than what you gave them – and vice versa.
  • Silent night is something that happens on Christmas Eve to other people’s children.
  • Children’s TV specials are like Santa, on perpetual rerun year after year.
  • White Christmas is a phenomena invented by songwriters to make songs nostalgic.
  • There is no such thing as a perfect Christmas, especially if you forgot the batteries.
  • Contrary to popular opinion, North Pole is in Oklahoma, Santa Claus is in Indiana, and Christmas is in Florida. Depressing, isn’t it?
 Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss
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About Sheila Moss

My stories are about daily life and the funny things that happen to all of us. My columns have been published in numerous newspapers, magazines, anthologies, and websites. SUBSCRIBE to my weekly columns hot off the keyboard and not available on my blog: humorcolumnist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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3 Responses to Life’s Little Lessons about Christmas

  1. Lois says:

    Your list is so true! I have done all my shopping online. I can’t walk well and would be trampled if I managed to make it into a mall, so at least I don’t have to deal with the malls or big box stores.
    This will be my first Christmas with my two new cats. They are senior citizen cats, 13 years old. The one cat in particular like to investigate everything. So far he trapped himself between the dryer and the wall. He managed to remove himself without me having to call for help. I have no idea what he will do with a Christmas tree, even if it looks real it is artificial. Time will tell in a few weeks.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. energywriter says:

    You said it! Funny! sd

    Liked by 1 person

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