• Walmart is the gift shop of last resort for the entire the population of the U.S.
• Christmas spirit is a mania created by commercial advertisers during October.
• It’s the gift that counts – disregard any information to the contrary.
• Christmas is not for children, it’s to give teachers some time off.
• Never buy a live Christmas tree unless you are a cat.
• Fashion experts say sweaters with Santa and holly are cheesy –  which shows what a bunch of scrooges they are.
• The best things in life are free – but department stores didn’t get the memo.
• Christmas gift bags and tissue paper are the best invention since peppermint candy.
• Snow is best when left outside, but preferably not on the driveway.
• The best time to shop for decorations is after Christmas, but who wants them then?
• Regardless of what toy you want, the next shipment will not be until January.
• Give children plastic gift cards and see how carefully they spend their own money.
• There is always room for another stuffed animal – at least in a grandparent’s opinion.
• Regardless of the number of parking places, they will all be taken when you get there.
• Santa Claus really doesn’t care whether you are naughty or nice.  He has other things to worry about.
• You always get Christmas cards from the people that you didn’t send one to.
• There is no problem too great for a solution; however, there are many gifts too large for gift boxes.
• Other people’s gifts to you always seem much nicer than what you gave them – and vice versa.
• Silent night is something that happens on Christmas Eve to other people’s children.
• Children’s TV specials are like Santa, on perpetual rerun year after year.
• White Christmas is a phenomena invented by songwriters to make songs nostalgic.
• There is no such thing as a perfect Christmas, especially if you forgot the batteries.
• Contrary to popular opinion, North Pole is in Oklahoma, Santa Claus is in Indiana, and Christmas is in Florida. Depressing, isn’t it?

 Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss