The official snowflake has fallen. Winter is here! People in the city all rush to the windows to see. Skyscrapers lean under their weight.
“I think it is!”
“Yes! It’s a snowflake!”
Magnifying glasses are brought out as everyone gathers around to observe the first snowflake of the season. They shake their heads in wonder and exclaim in unison, “It’s SNOW!”
As realization sweeps over them, panic sets in. A snowflake could have relatives. Heads turn skyward to see. Cars on the interstate, impatient for the bad weather that is sure to come, begin to crash into each by the dozens even before the snow starts to fall.
In the suburbs, herds of housewives flock to the grocery store in four-wheel drive vehicles. They quickly clean out the bread and toilet paper aisles and then move on to the non-perishable goods. Country mentality still prevails in the South. Stock up “just in case” you are snowed in.
Wheels spin and skid as the second tiny snowflake of the season is crushed unnoticed under the wheels of the vehicles. The herds stampede home in caravans with supplies to stock the cupboards for the rest of winter while they wait for “The Big Snow.”
It is not until the grocery store is totally empty that the weather reporter announces that the winter storm warning has been cancelled. It is difficult not to wonder if weathermen and grocery stores could possibly be in cahoots, periodically announcing a snow panic just to move merchandise.
Winter in the South – how I love it! Southerners do not have a clue about how to drive in snow. The wise bubbas stay at home out of harms way. The less astute take to the roads in their light-ended pickup trucks driving like rednecks will, spinning out at every bridge or icy spot. The ditches are soon full of abandoned vehicles.
Even those southern residents who have lived in the North where it snows all the time take their lives in their hands driving on snowy roads in the South where precious few have any snow driving experience.
The last “real” snow, an inch or two, was a few years ago and it took me over four hours to get to work that morning, a normal drive of about 30 minutes in rush hour traffic. The mere mention of the “S” word is enough to give any commuter a migraine sufficient to call in sick over.
Kids love bad weather, of course. As soon as the media mentions the “S” word, the schools are instantly closed. The kids stay home to write fan letters to TV’s Snowbird, who announces the latest school closings. It was a long, long, time ago, but everyone still remembers the horror of the year it snowed after the kids got to school. Not to worry, that will never happen again.
The best thing about snow in the South is that it doesn’t last long. Most people don’t even own a snow shovel. They just wait for it to melt. Why bother when it will probably be in the 40’s tomorrow? Snow blower? What’s a snow blower? Snow plows? Don’t make me laugh.
Oops! I think I saw another flake of snow. Wake up the metro salt crew and tell them it’s time to order salt. Looks like it’s snowing. Speaking of salt, we never waste it by salting a bridge before it is slick. We save it until we are sure it is really needed.
The snow is really starting to fall now. The weatherman predicted, “NO SNOW.” That makes it certain there will be several inches, at least. It’s the snowstorms they DO predict that never come.
Excuse me now, I feel a headache coming on