Photo by Les Anderson on Unsplash

• Santa is watching, please don’t do anything to embarrass him.
• Christmas spirit is a mysterious force that causes people to max out their credit cards.
• I’m dreaming of a white Christmas – so wake me up if I start shoveling the driveway.
• I believe in Santa Claus, but Santa believes in Toys R Us.
• Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth — gift horses have terrible breath.
• You can’t string more lights outside than your redneck neighbor — don’t even try.
• The best things come in small packages, so why do large packages look so much better under the Christmas tree?
• There’s no place like home for the holidays — but I’d still rather go to Hawaii.
• I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. For the rest of the year you are on your own.
• There’s nothing as good as an old-fashioned Christmas, except maybe a new-fangled electronic toy.
• Here comes Santa Claus — tracking soot all over the rug again.
• If you don’t have any cookies & milk, Santa also accepts VISA.
• The closer we get to Christmas, the longer the kid’s “I want” list becomes.
• You will always get the most Christmas cards from the people you forgot.
• If you can’t remember where you hid the Christmas presents, ask the kids.
• If mother’s way is best, let her assemble the bicycle.
• Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow – in other words – Let it freeze, let it melt, let it slush!
• Regardless of the laws of physics, the living room shrinks when you put up a Christmas tree.
• A perfectly symmetrical tree will always be lopsided when you get it home.
• If it weren’t for dry fruitcake, what would we have to complain about?
• The Christmas lights always work perfectly until you put them on the tree.
• If you find the perfect gift, you can depend on it being half-price after Christmas.
• The more you clean house, the larger the wrapping paper storm on Christmas morning.
• It’s easy to wrap a perfect gift, especially if you let the department store do it.
• The harder you are trying to diet, the greater the likelihood you’ll get candy as a gift.
• Of course, I’ve been good — but don’t quote me on that.
• Christmas is for children, but you better get your spouse something anyhow.
• Christmas comes but once a year, but the bills come every day but Sunday.
• Whoever said Christmas is a time of joy obviously didn’t have any relatives.
• Remember, it’s the thought that counts– so why do we always look for a price tag?
• Famous last words — I have plenty of time left to shop before Christmas.

Copyright 2004 Sheila Moss