Without a Leg to Stand On

Posted on February 2, 2021 by Sheila Moss

Hospitals, I hate ’em. I was an unwilling victim who held off as long as possible. But, my knees were giving out fast. My doctor had advised me years ago that I needed a knee replacement surgery. But as long as I could walk, why do anything so radical?

Finally, however, about 10 years ago, I got to point where I knew I had no choice. Every step was painful and I had already resorted to using a cane to be sure I didn’t take a tumble. How could I do my work, keep house, travel, shop when I was so limited?

Well, at least it is fixable, I thought. So, I granted my orthopedic surgeon his wish and consented to surgery.

“Which one do you want to have done first?” he asked. He advised me to do one and then in six months to do the other. Two surgeries? I don’t think so.

“I want them both done first,” I replied.

“Both? That’s really hard,” he replied. “You won’t have a leg to stand on.” (Doctors do not make very good jokes.)

Any surgery is hard, I figured. I’d rather do it in one giant swoop of pain and get it over with. Besides, I have things to do, places to go. I can’t be laid up twice.

So, I talked him into it, telling him that I would go to a rehab hospital after the surgery was over.

Somehow, I expected the surgery to caused very little pain and that I would be back to normal in a matter of weeks.

So, on the scheduled morning, I reported to admissions for duty. They sped me into the operating room so fast that they hardly had time to get the IV started. They didn’t really need to worry. I was not going to change my mind at that point.

What followed can only be described as a blur of pain and nurses between naps. They say the mind forgets what it does not want to remember. It must be true. I only remember that I had to stand up the next day on the flaming sticks that used to be my legs.

After three days, the doctor said I was being released to rehab. Released? I could not possibly get in the car and go to another hospital. I guess they were smarter than I thought as paramedics arrived and took me in an ambulance.

So, I spent 10 glorious days in a rehabilitation hospital where they put me through hours of rehab, doing exercises in a gym-like therapy room that I called the torture chamber.

The rest of the time I spent sobbing and begging for pain meds. Finally, the rehab doctor had mercy and upped my meds to control the pain better. I was pretty loopy most of the time after that, but managed to learn to wheel myself up and down the halls of the hospital pretty fast, especially when the nurse was chasing me with a dose of milk of magnesia.

Eventually, I learned to use my flaming legs and was released to go home — home sweet home. I was still laid up for several weeks in bed.

When I went back to my regular GP for a follow up, he was not pleased with all the drugs I was taking and cut me back drastically. So much for my drug-laced dreams.

I have two ugly scars and a mind full of painful memories, but it’s over. I’m now a bionic woman with knees that can set off metal detectors from 50 feet away.

Whatever happened to those visions of flowers, cards and looking cute in pretty nightgowns? It was nothing like that, I’m here to tell you. In fact, the only good thing about it is getting it over and moving on with life.

It’s good to be back in the land of the living.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

Posted in Health, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Dog Ate Saran Wrap

Posted on January 25, 2021 by Sheila Moss

Gizmo is really a good dog most of the time. He’s a 15 years old Sheltie who long ago outlived most of the other dogs of his breed. He spends most of his days napping and dreaming. His arthritis prevents much running and playing, and we don’t think he hears or sees too well either.

Here lately, he really has us worried as he won’t eat. He just doesn’t seem to like his dog food any more. People food is another story. He is the world’s biggest moocher when anyone is trying to eat. But the vet said, “No people food,” as it isn’t good for him.

The other day I was fixing dinner. I warmed up some corn on the cob in the microwave by wrapping it in plastic wrap. When I unwrapped it, the wrap accidentally fell on the floor. The moocher is always around when there is food present. Before I could pick it up, he grabbed it.

I tried to get it away from him, but he ran. I yelled for my honey to stop him, but before he could tackle him and pry open his mouth, the plastic wrap was gone. The dog swallowed it.

Oh, no! What to do? The dog ate Saran Wrap. I couldn’t believe it! He will not eat his dog food but he will eat Saran Wrap? The corn didn’t even have butter on it.

Fortunately, he had an appointment at the vet the next day anyhow. He seemed perfectly fine and a little proud of himself for fooling people and mooching something he wasn’t supposed to have.

We Goggled “Dog ate Saran Wrap” on the Internet to see how dangerous it was. Surprisingly, he is not the only dog that has a taste for plastic. A lot of dogs apparently do this. Usually, however, the plastic is wrapped around food like fried chicken, and the plastic is simply incidental to the snack.

We seem to have the only dog that eats plastic wrap by itself, without butter.

Basically, there are three things that can happen, none of them pleasant to talk about. But since we are this far in the story, I might as well tell you. The dog can throw it up, it can pass through, or it can wad up and cause a blockage that has to be removed surgically.

“Watch the dog to see if it acts sick or lethargic,” advised the Internet. Oh great, this dog always acts that way. At his age, he is not exactly a bundle of energy. I felt really bad. Giz had made through thick and thin to live to a ripe old age and now I had probably killed him by letting him eat plastic wrap.

Apparently, Saran Wrap didn’t agree with the dog because by the next morning, he coughed it up and the crisis was over. Thank goodness. At his age we were not sure if he could go through a surgery.

My daughter took him to the veterinarian the next day and told him what had happened. The vet normally would not laugh at something so potentially serious, but since things were okay now, he could see the humor. He could not understand why a dog would eat Saran Wrap and turn up his nose at dog food either.

Anyhow, there is a happy ending. The vet prescribed a special food that is for dogs that have been sick. It is high calorie and palatable. The dog loves it and gobbles it down as if it is people food. In fact, when we give it to him, we have to stand guard as the cats come around and try to eat it too.

Now when he mooches, we just give him his own special food and he thinks he is getting a treat — one even better than Saran Wrap.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss



Posted in Creatures, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Happy Online New Year

Posted on January 23, 2021 by Sheila Moss


This is the time of the year when people make New Year’s Resolutions, resolving to change all things wrong in life and turn over a new leaf — to stop smoking, to lose weight, to clean closets, watch less television and remember to walk the dog. Within a month, according to studies, all of the resolutions have been broken.

So, I decided not to resolve to do things that I can’t or won’t do. Instead of spending LESS time on the computer, I decided to resolve to spend MORE time on the computer than I do now. While this may seem easy to some, it might be more difficult than it appears. After all, I have to sleep sometime.

It is true that my behind is already beginning to spread from spending so much time sitting on it in front of the flashing screen. But look at it this way, for all the behind-numbing time I spend online, my mind is also expanding — reading news, searching for information, being educated. Never mind the time I spend on Facebook.

I could take up computer games. That is something I don’t do now as games use up too much time unproductively. But many people seem to find a lot of pleasure and entertainment with computer games. Of course, games will be difficult to fit into my already overcrowded online schedule.

Unfortunately, I’m hooked on eBay and love to buy from Amazon. Ah, the stories I could tell about the bargains I’ve found, the free postage, the great deals — also, the money and time I’ve wasted that I’d rather not think about.

Let me think. I’m keeping up three blogs. This is probably the reason for most of the time I’m spending in cyber space. But, “If you want something done, ask a busy person,” they say. If I had a couple more blogs to keep up, this would be a perfectly rational reason for spending time on the computer.

Unfortunately, there are still a few things that you can’t do while sitting in front of the flat screen. There is grocery shopping, cooking and the occasional house cleaning that must be done. It can be hard to take time away from the ever-waiting computer for the necessities of life.

I’ve found that an iPhone is immensely helpful for sneaking in computer time when you are in a car, in line at the grocery store, or while waiting at the doctor’s office. People used to be on cell phones talking to friends during down time or while shopping or driving. Now, with smart phones, they are checking email or surfing the net.

Now that I think of it, I don’t know how much more time I can spend online than I do already. I go to bed late because I have to finish one more blog. I get up early to check email. I eat in front of the computer instead of in front of the television like the rest of the world.

I spend weekends and holidays surfing the net or reading about what my online friends are doing, and what they are saying on Twitter. I never find out about anything new from television or newspapers anymore. I find out because it is on Microsoft’s homepage. I can’t remember what the inside of a library looks like. Why go to a library to do research when there is Google?

I read (online) that Facebook is now the most popular website on the internet, which tells me I am not the only one spending more time on the net than ever before. Apparently, a lot of people are making the same resolution as mine.

I would like to go take a nap now, but I’m willing to stay online a bit longer, not because I’m addicted to the internet but only to keep my New Year’s resolution.

Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss

Posted in Humor, Technology | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Dental Emergency

Posted on January 20, 2021 by Sheila Moss

“Ouch,” I screamed. I had just fixed myself a nice bowl of breakfast cereal, but when I bit down on it, a bolt of lightning shot through my mouth. It can’t be my tooth, I thought, I was just at the dentist for a checkup this week. It’s probably a sore place on my gum from the cleaning.

By the next day, it was clear something was going on. Every time I tried to chew, blue thunder crashed and bolts of electricity shot out my ears. It couldn’t be that bad, I consoled myself, or they would have found it when I had the checkup. I’ll call the dentist Monday.

By Monday morning it was clear I was not going to the office. Mt. St. Helen’s had erupted in my mouth, and molten lava was pouring into my sinuses. Please, not another $5000 root canal. I have better things to do with my money than send the dentist on another vacation to Hawaii.

I called for an emergency appointment and he could work me in that morning. I’m probably his favorite patient, I thought. I should have a designated parking place as often as I seem to empty my bank account there.

“What seems to be the problem?” he purred when I arrived, as I held tightly onto my purse so he couldn’t snatch it. “The problem is the $5000 you are going to charge me,” I thought, but what I said was, “I think it might be abscessed.”

After taking x-rays, and picking and prodding in my sore mouth like a miner hunting gold, the dentist scrapped me off the ceiling and told me the good news.”The tooth already has a root canal.” Then he told me the bad news. “I don’t think it can be saved. We might as well make our plans to get it pulled.”

It can’t be saved? It can always be saved. Even if it is only a cavity attached to a dead root, they always want to save it. Apparently, he doesn’t want to vacation in Hawaii again this year.

So, he put me on drugs and gave me an appointment to come back for a major torture session. I could hardly wait. I tried to fix it myself by brushing, flossing, rinsing, and using dental gel, but it was too late.

On Thursday I showed up for the assault of Genghis Khan. “Good morning,” said the nurse. Did she have to be so cheerful? “Good morning,” said the dentist, tripping me with his leg before I could get out the door and flipping me into the chair with an amazing judo move.

Then he pulled out a needle the size of a jackhammer and proceeded to shoot my gums with Novocain. After I came to, he asked how I was feeling. “Otay, I tink,” I mumbled as the dental assistant wet vacuumed the slobber off my chin. “Okay, for a person whose face is now a stone statue,” I thought.

Then he attacked me from behind with a pair of pliers. “You might feel some pressure, he said, as he put me into a full hammer lock and latched down on my jaw. I heard a horrible cracking sound, and knew my jaw bone was broken. Call 911! I’m going to die. Bottle rockets went off and beautiful fireworks exploded right there in the dentist office. Amazing, I thought, as I watched my spirit float out of my body.

The dentist said, “That’s it. We’re done.”

“That’s it? I’m alive? I can’t believe it. Let me out of here,” I thought, as I wondered how far the jump was from the window. I ran from the office with a hole the size of Crater Lake where my aching tooth used to be and a mouth full of gauze. “Dood dye,” I said, “Tanks.”

I locked the door to my car as I left. A swat team could not have stopped my escape. “I’m still numb,” I thought, “I can’t feel the bullets if they shoot. I’m invincible.” If only I could make it home before passing out.

Then I remembered, I forgot to ask for the tooth. Maybe if I write a nice note for the tooth fairy on the back of the bill and leave it under my pillow, she will understand.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

Posted in Health, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

A Cool Grandma

Posted on January 10, 2021 by Sheila Moss

I am cool, ya’ll. Yes, I may be a grandma, and I may have bad knees, but I am still cool, especially when I drive my Corvette. When you drive a sports car, everybody notices you, and everybody thinks you are cool. Why else would you drive a Corvette?

Youngsters try to challenge you and want to pass or speed by a Corvette. I just keep my cool. If they think they can really take a car that can go 140 mph, let ’em dream. I’m so cool that I don’t even care.

Life in the fast lane is a strange thing when you are a grandma, though. Passing motorists can’t really see you well enough to know that you are a granny off her rocker. So they just look at the car and think if the car is cool, you are too.

Truck drivers honk, or make that sound with their air brakes. What can I do? Get a license plate that says granny? Now that would not be cool. So I just let ’em think that I am actually impressed by tractor-trailers. Don’t want them to believe I’m not cool.

Those bucket seats are sort of getting hard for a grandma with bad knees to get in and out of. I thought of trading it in. The car is getting a little old now. Guess we have a lot in common. But we are both still cool.

The car still looks good and runs good and is paid for, so why trade it? I was younger when I bought the car brand new. Maybe it was one of those midlife crisis things. Of course, I’ll continue to deny that and declare that I bought it because it was cool.

I hate it when I drive to Walmart and can’t find a Corvette parking place. Corvette parking places are at the end of the row, preferably in front where everyone can see you. But Walmart is about as uncool as you can get anyhow. So I don’t worry about it as long as I can find a place where other cars won’t ping it with their doors.

The coolest places to go are those that have valet parking. Valets know that Vettes are cool. They always park it in front of the restaurant or the hotel where it can be seen. They want everyone to know that that they cater to cool customers.

I guess they are surprised when a granny comes crawling out of the car. Actually, I don’t get valet parking as often anymore. I have an image to maintain. I might not look cool getting out with my bad knees and walking cane. I usually get out of it inside the garage, where no one can tell if I’m not looking cool.

My grandkids think I’m about the coolest granny they could possibly have and always want to ride with grandma in her car. Yep, kids know a cool car when they see one. “My grandma drives a race car,” I heard my grandson say once.

So far I can still get in and out and drive it without looking too much like an old fogy. As long as we both hold up and don’t show our age too much, I guess I’ll keep on driving it, even if the only places I have to go are Walmart and the Sonic drive-in.

The cops try to pull over Corvettes for speeding. We’re a target. Guess snagging a Vette gives them bragging rights. The other day I got pulled over for running a red light. (The darn thing was yellow and I didn’t have time to stop, at least in my opinion.) When the cop looked at my license and saw how old I was, he let me go. “You drive careful, mam, and go straight home,” he said.

If ya’ll see a silver streak going down I-24 in the fast lane, that will be me. Go ahead and wave — you know you want to. I’ll wave back because I know what you are thinking. Look at that cool car!

I may be a grandma and I may have bad knees, but I’m still cool, ya’ll.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss




Posted in Automotive, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Rubber Bands Fad

Posted on January 7, 2021 by Sheila Moss


Not too long ago, a fad among the elementary school set was — would you believe — the rubber band. Now the rubber bands they were going gaga over are not the ordinary brownish ones that probably come to mind when you think rubber band — or even the pretty red and green ones that you sometime see. These were colorful rubber bands, but what made them special was their shape. They were shaped like chickens, ducks, dinosaurs, elephants or just about any other animal or object you can think of.

I was first introduced to them when my grandson came in with a few of them. It seems the kids at school were going nuts over farm and zoo shaped rubber bands. When I asked “Why?,” the answer was “Why not?” They were cute, cheap, and best of all, “When you stretch them, they return to the original animal shape.” Of course, that made perfect sense, at least to a child.

It seems that the kids took them to school, traded with friends for harder to find rubber bands, and wore them on their wrist or arm. My grandson wanted more of these miraculous rubber bands. We couldn’t find them locally and resorted to ordering them on the internet. He spent half of his birthday money to order several batches and couldn’t wait until the big brown truck arrived with them.

Now, I never thought I would be party to such foolishness as collecting animal shaped rubber bands. But then I remembered Beanie Babies. Remember how we chased all over town to find the one Beanie Baby that was in high demand? Where are Beanie Babies now? Forgotten in the bottom of a dresser drawer? That’s where mine are, I think.

Anyhow, the lowly rubber band came into its own. Remember when every newspaper was secured with a rubber band before it was delivered to your home? Now they come in plastic bags. Or how strawberries came in plastic crates covered by cellophane secured with a rubber band? Now they come in plastic boxes. You may still find your celery or broccoli secured with a rubber band, but the rubber band has become what is called a “mature product,” meaning the demand for them is not increasing.

Almost everyone has a few rubber bands around a door knob or stashed in a kitchen drawer with the scissors and paperclips. Any office worker can find a few rubber bands in the desk drawer, so handy for holding together a pile of file folders or a stack of letters. In fact, rubber bands are so useful for letters that the Post Office is said to be the largest user of this handy item. It was the Post Office that came up with the idea for coloring them red due to postal workers dropping them and forgetting to pick them up.

The history of rubber bands is almost as old as the history of rubber itself, which goes back to the time of Columbus who discovered it being used by Mayan Indians. After the Europeans found out about rubber, it wasn’t too long before the sticky substance was vulcanized into a useful product when Goodyear accidentally mixed rubber with sulfur by leaving it on a hot stove and forgetting it. Fortunate for him that rubber was not explosive when mixed with sulfur or we would be driving cars with wooden wheels now.

Anyhow, all is well that ends well. Along with the dozens of other rubber products, someone invented rubber bands by covering a hollow tube with rubber and then cutting the rubber into strips. Now we have thick and thin, long and short, plain and colorful rubber bands for any use you can think of — even for kids to collect, trade, and wear on their arms. New shapes are coming out all the while: cars, flowers, hearts, anything you can think of. The more unusual the shape, the more in demand it is.

It seems to me that I recall rubber bands being used for slingshots to shoot paper wads when I was a kid. I’m certainly not going to mention that to my grandson. Obviously, times have changed and I don’t want him to come up with any new (old) ideas to get in trouble with.

But rubber bands? Who could imagine that rubber bands would ever be a fad?

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

Posted in Crafts/Hobbies, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Vacation from Work

Posted on December 31, 2020 by Sheila Moss

This time of the year reminds me of my working days and how I always looked forward to a few extra days off around Christmas.

“Are you taking off next week?” asked my co-worker.  We had two days off for the Christmas holiday, so a lot of people were taking the other three days also, a good way to get a week off without using up your leave. I had already asked off for Monday.

“Well, I planned to work on Thursday and Friday, but I would like to get some rest.” I had not had a vacation in ages and I needed some down time. Counting the weekends, I would get nine days off. I should be able to get a lot of rest in nine days.

That Saturday, my first day off, I decided that I needed to clean the house. It was filthy. I had some remodeling done, and there was sawdust everywhere. It took an entire day just to run the vacuum and clean up the mess. And Christmas was coming soon!

On Sunday, We decided to unpack and put back all the things that we had moved out of the worker’s way: lamps, pictures, knickknacks.  A good idea, and as long as everything is off the furniture, I might as well polish the wood.

Monday, the day before Christmas Eve – I wanted the house to be somewhat normal for Christmas, so I polished my silver and copper items, a job I hate, washed glass items, and put back everything the way it should be. Sure looked nice. After two solid days of housecleaning, I was pooped.

Christmas Eve already – I needed to go to the grocery store or we would not have anything to eat. The store was packed. Well, what did I expect? I thought I would get a sliced ham so I would not have to do too much. Of course, I had to fix my famous green Jello salad and a few other side dishes. Gee, I was worn out from cooking and cleaning and the next day was Christmas.

Christmas Day – Grandkids were there. Presents were opened and wrapping paper thrown all over the place. I cleaned up all the mess and put the food out. Everyone ate, and I cleaned up that mess. I didn’t want to do house cleaning on Christmas, so I left it for the next day and tried to enjoy Christmas.

Thursday – The guy was coming to install my new dishwasher. Did I mention my old one died and I had been washing dishes the old-fashioned way? Direct TV was also coming. The TV was on the blink. The laundry was meeting me in the hallway, so I had to do that. I thought I was supposed to be getting some rest?

Friday – Things started out well, except there were so many little things left that I needed to get done while I was off and had time. I made a list: Paint bathroom door, vacuum tops of cabinets (I didn’t get to that before) Work on door to attic that is sticking, and the door on my computer desk had fallen off. I tried, honestly, but this is stuff for a handyman, not me.

Saturday – I had to go to work next week, which meant I needed to go to the grocery store again to get food for lunches. I also needed to go to the drug store and to Walmart to return that mini-blind that didn’t fit. As long as the line for returns was, I wondered if I should just throw it away and get a new one.

Sunday – I needed to get rid of the Christmas decorations. I needed to press and hang up the clothes I got for Christmas. I hadn’t had time to try things on yet and they were still in the boxes. Tomorrow it was back to the office.

Monday – Gee, the nine days sure flew by. It was good to get back to work where I could finally get some rest. Staying at home was just way too much work.

Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss

Posted in Holidays, Home, Humor, Work Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Seeing Blue on eBay

Posted on December 28, 2020 by Sheila Moss

It usually happens when I’m innocently looking for something and end up on eBay. I start browsing and first thing you know I find something I simply must have. My body takes control of my common sense and forces me to bid.

It’s the fever — auction fever. Once you decide you want something enough to bid on it, you can’t stand it if someone else bids higher than you do. To avoid the fever, I have to not bid at all and just firmly delete an item from my watch list so I won’t be tempted.

A blue sapphire ring caught my eye. I knew it wanted me to own it. I don’t even like sapphires, but this one was calling my name. There were other rings that were similar, but I wanting that one — just my size too.

And so it begins… I bid on it, and someone else bids higher. The emails from eBay start to arrive. “Your bid has been received.” I knew that. Then, “You have been outbid.”

And when you look at the website, the red flag is there “OUTBID” so you are sure to see that you didn’t bid high enough. “Don’t let it get away. Bid now.”

Oh, these people have it down to a science. And when you bid as much as you can, someone else always can bid more. And so it goes.

The only salvation is the time limit. The minutes tick away one at the time, and the vultures set in wait so they can outbid each other at the last minute. Instead of the green check mark saying “You are the highest bidder, hope you win.” You get the red X saying, “Sorry, you have been outbid.”

But not to worry, they have suggestions for similar items that you can bid on.

I know the ring probably isn’t a sapphire and the silver probably isn’t sterling. I’m really better off if I don’t win. Buying jewelry on a place like eBay is not a very good idea.

Bids starting at only 99 cents for 14K gold and diamonds? I don’t think so. There seems to be no truth in advertising on the Internet. They can say anything they want. Even things that are stamped 14K gold can be counterfeit. When similar items sell for $300 or a thousand, I’m certain it is not real gold, much less real diamonds.

You have buyer protection, sure, but in the end all they can do if the seller refuses to return money is shut down the account. With my suspicious attitude, I’m not going to win much in the cut-throat world of eBay.

But the blue sapphire continues to sing the song of the sirens.

As luck would have it, I win the ring — a blue sapphire, or at least a blue something. In the evil game with eBay vultures, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

At first I felt a little bad for the people that lost… until I realized there are a dozen other rings listed just like the one I bought. And the losers are getting consoling emails from eBay, right now saying “Sorry you lost this time, but here are some other items that you might like.”

There’s always the next time… and the next… and the next.

So, if the ring is blue quartz, or glass, and not sapphire, so what? Who will know the difference if I don’t tell them? As long as an item is worth what I paid to me, it is a good deal.

The email from eBay comes, “Congratulations, you won the item in the last few seconds.” I’m feeling pretty special until I realize that I didn’t really win anything — I’m buying it.

The next email from eBay is the bill.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

Posted in Humor, Shopping | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kicking the Candy Habit

Posted on December 22, 2020 by Sheila Moss

It’s the season for sweets, and I LOVE old-fashioned hard Christmas candy. Sugar is not treated as a negative by our society. We give cookies to our children, use candy as a reward for good behavior, and celebrate birthdays, weddings, and holidays with cake.

No wonder I’m a sugar addict.

People can digest some sugar, but we cannot handle the amount of refined sugar in the American diet. The average person eats 150 pounds of sugar in a year. If you eat more sugar than your intestines can absorb, bacteria and yeast feed on it and create gas and cramps. After several days of an upset digestive system, I decided to eliminate possible causes one at time.

I know I am eating too much sugar, but I have chosen in the past to ignore it. I can’t give up sugar. If you’ve ever tried to cut back on sweets, you realize how incredibly difficult it is. Some experts say that sugar is as addictive as drugs. I thought of all the sweet stuff in my life and knew – I’m GUILTY of abusing sugar.

Just say no and stop sucking up candy. No problem.

I’ve put away all the candy. But from the top of the refrigerator, it calls my name. I try not to think about it, but the harder I try, the more I think about it. Visions of candy canes dance in my head. I sure picked a heck of a time to give up sugar — during the holidays.

I crave candy like a pregnant woman craves pickles and ice-cream. Did someone say ice-cream? If I can’t have candy, maybe ice-cream? But almost everything seems to have sugar, even things that don’t seem sweet. Maybe I can give up foods with large amounts of sugar and then take on smaller offenders after I have conquered the obvious.

I am getting crabby, though. “Just one piece of candy won’t hurt,” says the devil. “Do you like having cramps and gas,” says an angel. And so it goes, on and on and on. I am angry because I feel deprived. I yell at my family. “Sorry, it is my withdrawal from sugar,” I tell them. “Try to stand me a few more days.” I am climbing the walls. I crave sweet rolls stuffed with sweet fruit filling and sprinkled with sugar.

How long is it going to take to kick this habit? I ask “Dr. Google” and find it will be about three days. I think not —  three weeks, maybe, three months, possibly. But I am determined to lay off the sugar, not only for my immediate predicament,  but also because a high-sugar diet causes tooth decay, heart disease, and diabetes, not to mention weight gain.

I feel weak. Sugar in the blood gives you energy, but it quickly burns up and the bottom falls out. I sliver through the day dragging my belly. Sugar is in everything, even applesauce, oatmeal, and canned fruit. I read the label on my yogurt and fructose is one of the main items listed.

Sugar by any other name is still sugar.

Candy sings the song of the siren. I love sugar/I hate sugar. I need to rid my home of sweet stuff. I can’t be tempted to eat what isn’t there.  How long will this obsessive craving go on? I feel dizzy. I need something sweet or I may pass out.

Eventually, though, I get through the worst of it. No more popping a lemon drop in my mouth while on my computer. No more soda, no cookies, no ice cream, no cake, no pie, no more climbing the rock-candy mountain of sugar addiction.

My hands are still trembling and I can’t help wondering, why does something so bad for you have to taste so good?

Copyright 2015 Sheila Moss

Posted in Food, Health, Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Shopping by the Seat of My Pants

Posted on December 20, 2020 by Sheila Moss


We are well into the craziness of the Christmas season. As for me, my fingers are doing the walking this year and I’m doing my shopping online. Don’t worry about me. I’m not a compulsive shopper, as this column might seem to indicate. I have short periods of addiction and then periods of sanity in between. Thank goodness for computers as I’m just not into mall walking any more.

I don’t know about you, but I’m more of a Cyber Monday kind of person than a Black Friday sort. Camping out in the cold and getting mobbed is not worth the trouble in my book, even if I miss out on some bargains that I probably don’t need anyhow. You can always find it online if you don’t mind shopping on the seat of your pants in front of a computer.

My cyber shopping began years ago when I found Amazon and could order any book I wanted and have it in my mailbox within a few days. I bought a lot of books back in the day. Then my shopping expanded to include video tapes and the Amazon inventory expanded until they had it all. I wanted it all and kept on shopping on the seat of my pants.

Then I discovered eBay. I stayed up nights waiting for listings to close so I could get the final bid. I couldn’t quit buying, even though the quality was sometimes iffy. How much can you actually tell much about an item from a picture?  But I couldn’t resist and continued shopping on the seat of my pants.

You would think I would learn, wouldn’t you?  Forget it, a cyber-shopper never learns. I found more online stores that I liked, mainly through trial and error. Lands’ End had turtleneck tops with extra-long sleeves. Before that, I could never get sleeves that were long enough, a very good reason to continue shopping on the seat of my pants.

Once you buy from an online store, they give your address to other places and you begin to get temptations from cyber-sellers everywhere. Most junk mail goes straight to the trash, but a few emails were looked at first. Before I realized it, I was compulsively shopping and had crashed-landed in women’s clothing on the seat of my pants.

I discovered Shoebuy.com. I love shoes. At first I only ordered brands that I knew. Tell me, what could possibly be more unlikely to fit than shoes? But they know about people’s reluctance and give free shipping and free returns.  Who could resist that? What could possibly go wrong? Nothing – unless you try to return the same pair of shoes more than once, and the free postage runs out. You find you don’t need shoes anyhow when what you are wearing out is not shoes but the seat of your pants.

My current addiction is Zulily. I saw the online ads for children’s clothing and I was not interested. But one day I clicked and that is the day I found Rising International Woman, colorful and different clothes and purses handmade by women in Nepal. Buying these products helps women in poverty earn money. Who could argue with that? There was a one little catch — no returns. 

The boxes started arriving. The mailman hated me. He should love me, though; I’m giving him job security. A few more shopaholics like me, and he can retire early. I love online shopping — no walking till my feet hurt, no crowds, no wasting my time looking for things I can’t find. And it’s easy to shop from your own home, in front of the computer on the seat of your pants.

The downside, you say? Well, I do spend a lot of time at the various postal services returning clothes that do not fit. But things work out often enough. I have not been to a shopping mall in ages, or any other brick and mortar store other than for groceries, now available online too.

By the time the pandemic came along and everyone was doing it, I was a seasoned pro. Why would I go out to shop when the largest mall in the world is sitting on my desk and I can buy anything — shopping on the seat of my pants.

Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss

Posted in Holidays, Humor, Shopping | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment