Seeing Blue on eBay

Posted on December 28, 2020 by Sheila Moss

It usually happens when I’m innocently looking for something and end up on eBay. I start browsing and first thing you know I find something I simply must have. My body takes control of my common sense and forces me to bid.

It’s the fever — auction fever. Once you decide you want something enough to bid on it, you can’t stand it if someone else bids higher than you do. To avoid the fever, I have to not bid at all and just firmly delete an item from my watch list so I won’t be tempted.

A blue sapphire ring caught my eye. I knew it wanted me to own it. I don’t even like sapphires, but this one was calling my name. There were other rings that were similar, but I wanting that one — just my size too.

And so it begins… I bid on it, and someone else bids higher. The emails from eBay start to arrive. “Your bid has been received.” I knew that. Then, “You have been outbid.”

And when you look at the website, the red flag is there “OUTBID” so you are sure to see that you didn’t bid high enough. “Don’t let it get away. Bid now.”

Oh, these people have it down to a science. And when you bid as much as you can, someone else always can bid more. And so it goes.

The only salvation is the time limit. The minutes tick away one at the time, and the vultures set in wait so they can outbid each other at the last minute. Instead of the green check mark saying “You are the highest bidder, hope you win.” You get the red X saying, “Sorry, you have been outbid.”

But not to worry, they have suggestions for similar items that you can bid on.

I know the ring probably isn’t a sapphire and the silver probably isn’t sterling. I’m really better off if I don’t win. Buying jewelry on a place like eBay is not a very good idea.

Bids starting at only 99 cents for 14K gold and diamonds? I don’t think so. There seems to be no truth in advertising on the Internet. They can say anything they want. Even things that are stamped 14K gold can be counterfeit. When similar items sell for $300 or a thousand, I’m certain it is not real gold, much less real diamonds.

You have buyer protection, sure, but in the end all they can do if the seller refuses to return money is shut down the account. With my suspicious attitude, I’m not going to win much in the cut-throat world of eBay.

But the blue sapphire continues to sing the song of the sirens.

As luck would have it, I win the ring — a blue sapphire, or at least a blue something. In the evil game with eBay vultures, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

At first I felt a little bad for the people that lost… until I realized there are a dozen other rings listed just like the one I bought. And the losers are getting consoling emails from eBay, right now saying “Sorry you lost this time, but here are some other items that you might like.”

There’s always the next time… and the next… and the next.

So, if the ring is blue quartz, or glass, and not sapphire, so what? Who will know the difference if I don’t tell them? As long as an item is worth what I paid to me, it is a good deal.

The email from eBay comes, “Congratulations, you won the item in the last few seconds.” I’m feeling pretty special until I realize that I didn’t really win anything — I’m buying it.

The next email from eBay is the bill.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

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Kicking the Candy Habit

Posted on December 22, 2020 by Sheila Moss

It’s the season for sweets, and I LOVE old-fashioned hard Christmas candy. Sugar is not treated as a negative by our society. We give cookies to our children, use candy as a reward for good behavior, and celebrate birthdays, weddings, and holidays with cake.

No wonder I’m a sugar addict.

People can digest some sugar, but we cannot handle the amount of refined sugar in the American diet. The average person eats 150 pounds of sugar in a year. If you eat more sugar than your intestines can absorb, bacteria and yeast feed on it and create gas and cramps. After several days of an upset digestive system, I decided to eliminate possible causes one at time.

I know I am eating too much sugar, but I have chosen in the past to ignore it. I can’t give up sugar. If you’ve ever tried to cut back on sweets, you realize how incredibly difficult it is. Some experts say that sugar is as addictive as drugs. I thought of all the sweet stuff in my life and knew – I’m GUILTY of abusing sugar.

Just say no and stop sucking up candy. No problem.

I’ve put away all the candy. But from the top of the refrigerator, it calls my name. I try not to think about it, but the harder I try, the more I think about it. Visions of candy canes dance in my head. I sure picked a heck of a time to give up sugar — during the holidays.

I crave candy like a pregnant woman craves pickles and ice-cream. Did someone say ice-cream? If I can’t have candy, maybe ice-cream? But almost everything seems to have sugar, even things that don’t seem sweet. Maybe I can give up foods with large amounts of sugar and then take on smaller offenders after I have conquered the obvious.

I am getting crabby, though. “Just one piece of candy won’t hurt,” says the devil. “Do you like having cramps and gas,” says an angel. And so it goes, on and on and on. I am angry because I feel deprived. I yell at my family. “Sorry, it is my withdrawal from sugar,” I tell them. “Try to stand me a few more days.” I am climbing the walls. I crave sweet rolls stuffed with sweet fruit filling and sprinkled with sugar.

How long is it going to take to kick this habit? I ask “Dr. Google” and find it will be about three days. I think not —  three weeks, maybe, three months, possibly. But I am determined to lay off the sugar, not only for my immediate predicament,  but also because a high-sugar diet causes tooth decay, heart disease, and diabetes, not to mention weight gain.

I feel weak. Sugar in the blood gives you energy, but it quickly burns up and the bottom falls out. I sliver through the day dragging my belly. Sugar is in everything, even applesauce, oatmeal, and canned fruit. I read the label on my yogurt and fructose is one of the main items listed.

Sugar by any other name is still sugar.

Candy sings the song of the siren. I love sugar/I hate sugar. I need to rid my home of sweet stuff. I can’t be tempted to eat what isn’t there.  How long will this obsessive craving go on? I feel dizzy. I need something sweet or I may pass out.

Eventually, though, I get through the worst of it. No more popping a lemon drop in my mouth while on my computer. No more soda, no cookies, no ice cream, no cake, no pie, no more climbing the rock-candy mountain of sugar addiction.

My hands are still trembling and I can’t help wondering, why does something so bad for you have to taste so good?

Copyright 2015 Sheila Moss

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Shopping by the Seat of My Pants

Posted on December 20, 2020 by Sheila Moss


We are well into the craziness of the Christmas season. As for me, my fingers are doing the walking this year and I’m doing my shopping online. Don’t worry about me. I’m not a compulsive shopper, as this column might seem to indicate. I have short periods of addiction and then periods of sanity in between. Thank goodness for computers as I’m just not into mall walking any more.

I don’t know about you, but I’m more of a Cyber Monday kind of person than a Black Friday sort. Camping out in the cold and getting mobbed is not worth the trouble in my book, even if I miss out on some bargains that I probably don’t need anyhow. You can always find it online if you don’t mind shopping on the seat of your pants in front of a computer.

My cyber shopping began years ago when I found Amazon and could order any book I wanted and have it in my mailbox within a few days. I bought a lot of books back in the day. Then my shopping expanded to include video tapes and the Amazon inventory expanded until they had it all. I wanted it all and kept on shopping on the seat of my pants.

Then I discovered eBay. I stayed up nights waiting for listings to close so I could get the final bid. I couldn’t quit buying, even though the quality was sometimes iffy. How much can you actually tell much about an item from a picture?  But I couldn’t resist and continued shopping on the seat of my pants.

You would think I would learn, wouldn’t you?  Forget it, a cyber-shopper never learns. I found more online stores that I liked, mainly through trial and error. Lands’ End had turtleneck tops with extra-long sleeves. Before that, I could never get sleeves that were long enough, a very good reason to continue shopping on the seat of my pants.

Once you buy from an online store, they give your address to other places and you begin to get temptations from cyber-sellers everywhere. Most junk mail goes straight to the trash, but a few emails were looked at first. Before I realized it, I was compulsively shopping and had crashed-landed in women’s clothing on the seat of my pants.

I discovered Shoebuy.com. I love shoes. At first I only ordered brands that I knew. Tell me, what could possibly be more unlikely to fit than shoes? But they know about people’s reluctance and give free shipping and free returns.  Who could resist that? What could possibly go wrong? Nothing – unless you try to return the same pair of shoes more than once, and the free postage runs out. You find you don’t need shoes anyhow when what you are wearing out is not shoes but the seat of your pants.

My current addiction is Zulily. I saw the online ads for children’s clothing and I was not interested. But one day I clicked and that is the day I found Rising International Woman, colorful and different clothes and purses handmade by women in Nepal. Buying these products helps women in poverty earn money. Who could argue with that? There was a one little catch — no returns. 

The boxes started arriving. The mailman hated me. He should love me, though; I’m giving him job security. A few more shopaholics like me, and he can retire early. I love online shopping — no walking till my feet hurt, no crowds, no wasting my time looking for things I can’t find. And it’s easy to shop from your own home, in front of the computer on the seat of your pants.

The downside, you say? Well, I do spend a lot of time at the various postal services returning clothes that do not fit. But things work out often enough. I have not been to a shopping mall in ages, or any other brick and mortar store other than for groceries, now available online too.

By the time the pandemic came along and everyone was doing it, I was a seasoned pro. Why would I go out to shop when the largest mall in the world is sitting on my desk and I can buy anything — shopping on the seat of my pants.

Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss

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Grandma’s Secret Recipe

Posted on December 16, 2020 by Sheila Moss

Holiday season always brings to mind a traditional holiday favorite — fruitcake. So many jokes have been made about tasteless fruitcake that there are not many left. People joke about fruitcake like you buy at the supermarket or receive as a gag gift from someone at the office.

These are not real fruitcakes. They make great doorstops, paperweights, or bowling balls. Most people save the pretty metal can and throw the cake away or pass the cake on as a gift to an unsuspecting relative.   

Real fruitcake is homemade like the kind my grandmother used to make. I don’t know where she got the recipe, probably off the back of a box as it doesn’t seem like anything that would have been handed down through generations.

I’m going to let you in on one of our family’s best kept secrets — the recipe for Mama Caldwell’s fruitcake.

The most important thing about a fruitcake is the fruit. Some people seem to forget this very important fact. They try to save money on the main ingredient and buy those sticky packages of candied mixed fruit. No, no, no! This stuff has orange peelings in it. How can it possibly be good?

Pass by the cheap stuff and go for a container of candied pineapple.  In addition, you need candied cherries, red, green, or both. The more fruit, the bigger the fruitcake will be. Of course, you need nuts. Mama Caldwell used black walnuts and pecans, but most people do not have walnut trees in the backyard, so it’s okay to only use only pecans.  Add a box of raisins and that’s it.

Here’s the secret part: a package of marshmallows, a box of graham crackers crumbed, and a can of Borden’s Eagle Brand Milk. You can use packaged crumbs if you are too lazy to make your own, but do not try to substitute any other kind of condensed milk. Eagle Brand is the only kind that will work. Some have tried other things and learned the hard way.

You need a tube cake pan. If you don’t have one or never heard of such a thing, you can use a bundt cake pan or a loaf pan, but line it with light aluminum foil first. Without the lining, you will never get the cake out of the pan. Just take my word for it and don’t worry about how I know.

Set aside about half a dozen cherries and some pineapple. Don’t ask questions. I’ll tell you why later. Mix the crumbs, fruits, and nuts in a large bowl. Melt the marshmallows. Grandma Caldwell used a double-boiler, but you can do it just as well in the microwave. When melted, stir in the milk, pour over the crumb mixture and stir.  

If you have a spouse or child that likes to help in the kitchen, call in the reinforcements. You need help to press the warm mixture quickly and firmly into a pan. If it starts getting hard before you are done, you will have a big sticky mess.

When finished, refrigerate in the pan.  Yes, you heard me right. No baking. How easy is that? The next day, remove the cake from the pan and use the reserved fruit to decorate the top. Wrap it in heavy foil and store in the refrigerator, the longer, the better so the flavors blend.

Mama Caldwell sometimes wrapped the cake in muslin soaked with her good homemade wine and aged it in the cellar, but that is not part of her recipe since she was a Baptist and people might talk.

If you couldn’t get the cake out of the pan, quit trying to cook. It is hopeless. Go to the supermarket and buy one of the bricks they sell there. You can always soften it with brandy. Use enough and you won’t care whether it is tasteless or not.

Remember, this is a secret family recipe. Do not give it to anyone. Keep it a secret like I did.


Copyright 2012 Sheila Moss

  

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Wish List for Santa

Posted on December 14, 2020 by Sheila Moss

santa

In a world of greed and fear, Santa is unique,

‘Cause everyone likes Santa and thinks he’s pretty neat,

So why don’t we ask Santa for the things we really need,

Instead of all the useless junk for which some people plead?

Why don’t we ask Santa, with the reindeer and his sleigh,

To help us solve the problems which confront the world today?

With Santa flying in Iran, the soldiers wouldn’t shoot,

And making peace across the seas could take a different route.

Santa could bring food to feed the hungry and exposed,

And homes for all the homeless folks whose houses were foreclosed.

Too many children don’t want toys but just enough to eat,

And we need jobs for the unemployed to keep them off the streets.

Santa could fly round the world to deliver a vaccine,

For all the scary viruses that scientists have seen.

Santa could have immigrants in his workshop to build toys,

Jobs are what they really want and just to be employed.

With Santa in the Congress we could get the laws we need.

Who would vote against Santa’s bills or question Santa’s lead?

He could look into global warming, a problem we’ve been dealt,

‘Cause he’d really be in trouble if the polar ice caps melt.

Santa should be President — too bad kids can’t vote,

But voters were all kids once too, so maybe there is hope.

If this wish list seems too difficult for Santa to achieve,

Know nothing is impossible as long as we believe.

And when the list is finished, and we all stop to observe,

Perhaps we’ll have the kind of world our children will deserve.

Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
Updatd 2015
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Two Faces of Christmas

Posted on December 10, 2020 by Sheila Moss

It seems to me there are two kinds of people when it comes to Christmas. Which side of the fence are you on?

CHRISTMAS CONFORMIST:  Keep an alphabetized list and address Christmas cards early so they will be ready before you get busy. They can be mailed on the first of December.

GRANNY GRINCH: I considered sending cards, but forgot to buy them and don’t keep a list anyhow. After a few years of this, I only get cards from the dentist and plumber.

CHRISTMAS CONFORMIST: Buy Christmas wrapping paper after Christmas when it is on sale. Store it in a plastic container so you can find it when you need it. Nothing beats the fun of wrapping gifts in colorful paper and placing a pretty bow on top.

GRANNY GRINCH: Are you kidding? Wrap gifts? Wrapping paper became extinct when gift bags came into my life. Gift bags are the best invention that Santa ever made.  

CHRISTMAS CONFORMIST: Buy Christmas gifts all year long when you find things on sale. Then you can enjoy the excitement of shopping for a few items at the mall without being under pressure.

GRANNY GRINCH:  Getting mauled at the mall in the Christmas crunch is not my idea of fun.  I order online and let Google and Amazon do the walking.

CHRISTMAS CONFORMIST: Get the largest tree you can find and put it up before Thanksgiving. Artificial trees can stay up longer.

GRANNY GRINCH: What I’m waiting for is a pre-lit tree that also has the ornaments pre-attached and opens with a button,  like an umbrella. Until then my tree is getting smaller and smaller every year. By next year it may be gone entirely.  

CHRISTMAS CONFORMIST: Collectable ornaments make the Christmas tree special.  Try adding a few new ones each year. Or make your own and personalize them. Vintage ornaments also bring back special memories from previous holidays.

GRANNY GRINCH: Obviously you don’t have a cat. I spend most of the holiday chasing the cat out of the tree and picking up ornaments that she has pulled off the tree and knocked under the furniture .

CHRISTMAS CONFORMIST: Play Christmas music and bake some cookies. To really enjoy Christmas, you must get into the spirit and right mood.

GRANNY GRINCH: My Christmas spirit has been spirited away, right up the chimney with Santa.  I keep suffering though the hubbub and hullabaloo and manage to keep my sanity, or at least some of it. 

CHRISTMAS CONFORMIST:  Drive around the neighborhood and look at the outside light displays. Be sure to take the kids or grandkids.

GRANNY GRINCH:  The commercialization of Christmas has ruined it. Too many houses decorated with lights and choreographed with music; too many stores playing Christmas carols in October; too many Christmas commercials on television; and too many designer Christmas trees with coordinated ornaments.

CHRISTMAS CONFORMIST:  Give little hints about what you want for Christmas so you will be sure to get what you want.  You can also make a wish list at places like Amazon, or just ask family and friends for gift cards for your favorite restaurant or department store.

GRANNY GRINCH: I don’t want anything. I have everything I need. The best thing about Christmas is the Christmas candy. This year I’m giving myself a really great gift and take off from work.

CHRISTMAS CONFORMIST: Think Norman Rockwell, and Currier and Ives.  Keep your finger crossed and wish for snow. I LOVE Christmas! I only wish that the Christmas season lasted longer.

GRANNY GRINCH: Think Grinch, and Scrooge. Snow would be the last straw. All the planning and anticipation, all the getting ready, buying gifts, all the work, and in a day — it is over!

Can I take down the tree and let the cat out of the basement now?

Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss

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A Christmas Tree Story

Posted on December 7, 2020 by Sheila Moss

Dear Friends,

Thank you for the lovely Christmas card and for inviting us to your New Year’s Eve bash. I have been meaning to write, but we have really had a busy year.

We decided to have a real tree for Christmas instead of using an artificial one like we usually do. Decorating the Christmas tree has always been a favorite part of our holiday.

We didn’t know about looking for a tree that is fresh by bending the needles to see if they break. It was hard enough to find one with a trunk that wasn’t so crooked that the stupid tree would not stand up.

We were supposed to cut two inches off the trunk to keep it fresh, but you pay for those things by the foot. Why lob off $20 worth of the tree? We couldn’t find the saw and who wants to spend all evening sawing anyhow? We thought it looked okay the way it was.

I put some water in the tree stand when we finally got the thing standing up. Who knew a tree could drink so much water? It looked a little limp but we couldn’t run a hose to it in the house.

Did you know you can put an aspirin in the water to keep it fresh? Me either. I’m not Martha Stewart and I didn’t think it had a headache. I did, though, since by now needles were falling off the thing like rain.

I found some antique lights at a garage sale that were really nice. Somebody had probably torn off the UL label, but they worked just fine except for a few lights that blinked and sizzled a little. It didn’t matter to me.

I plugged all the lights sets together and put them on the tree. I know they say that you should only use three sets on one extension cord, but I couldn’t have extensions cords running all over the house. We would probably trip on them and knock the tree over. I used one extension cord and ran it under the rug where it would be out of the way.

It was a beautiful tree. Everyone agreed it was the prettiest tree we have ever had.

We are still not sure what happened. We were eating dinner on Christmas Eve when the smoke alarm went off. This time, believe it or not, it was not my cooking that did it. We thought it might be the candles on the table until we realized that smoke was coming from the living room.

Have you ever seen a forest fire?

Thank goodness for neighbors. They heard us outside in the snow screaming FIRE, FIRE and called 911. After the firemen left, we went to a motel and will stay here until the house can be rebuilt. We were not very happy about all our Christmas presents burning up, but the firemen said we were lucky as it could have been much worse.

When it was on the evening news, the news anchor said that fire departments get a lot of calls during the holiday season from people like us who set the Christmas tree on fire with unsafe lights. I’m glad we are not the only ones. Did you see the story on the front page of the paper? You probably didn’t recognize me in the picture with all the soot on my face.

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know that we will not be celebrating Christmas this year. We plan to help out at the local soup kitchen since we now know what it is like to be out of house and home during the holidays. I don’t care if I never have another Christmas tree — ever!

We would love to come to your New Year’s Eve party, though. It will be nice to be with friends and celebrate after such a hectic year. Thanks for asking.

You are not planning on shooting off any fireworks, are you?

Copyright 2011 Sheila Moss

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Don’t worry, the part about the house burning is fiction. However, the safety precautions are real. Somehow people seem to remember a fictional story better than a lecture. Happy holidays!

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Blue Christmas

Posted on December 4, 2020 by Sheila Moss


I am never sick– at least not in a viral sort of way. Moan and groan — I have the crud. It must be the coronavirus. I’m going to die! Don’t touch me! I’m contagious! I wore a mask, I stayed home, I did everything right. Just my dumb luck. Some people go out to eat, go on vacations, party with friends and yet I’m the one that gets sick. Life is not fair!

It happened pretty quickly. One evening my throat started getting sore. It hurt all night. By morning it was a sure thing. My head felt like a boom box, and my throat was a roaring fireplace. Nothing helped, not Tylenol, not Hall’s menthol cough drops, not salt water gargles, none of the usual home remedies.

I figured if I was sick enough to die, I was sick enough to go to the doctor. Of course, you can’t see a doctor when you are sick. You have to have an appointment and by the time he can see you, you are no longer sick.

So … enter Convenience Clinic. Yes, the one on the corner down near where Walmart used to be. The Convenience Clinic had real doctors in its former days. Now clinics have nurses playing doctor. And they are everywhere, mini clinics even in drug stores. I guess real doctors don’t want to waste their time treating sneezes and runny noses.

At this point I was not particular. I just wanted to see someone medical. I must say, the nurse practitioner was very thorough and professional. It didn’t really take a doctor to swab my throat and take my temperature. I think she actually checked me out better than the doctor usually does.

And if it is something really bad, the clinic will refer me to the emergency room saying they are not equipped for serious problems. Bad as I felt, I didn’t need an ER yet. I was shocked when they told me I had strep throat. I’ve never had strep throat in my entire life, never. But I have it now.

“So, how long will I be contagious?” I asked.

“Forty-eight hours after you start taking the antibiotics,” she replied.

“Then it isn’t the coronovirus?”

“No, you do not have the right symptoms, but we will do a test anyhow.”

“So, I guess I am not going to die after all.”

I didn’t want to make everyone else sick for Christmas. I got my antibiotics and went home to be stranded for 48 hours unless my test comes back positive. I suddenly remembered how I had put off my Christmas shopping until the last minute. This is why you shouldn’t do that, I thought, after it was too late.

I declared war on germs and got out my bottle of Lysol. I cleaned anything that hands touch, doorknobs, light switches, telephones, you name it. Strep is caused by bacteria, not a virus, you get it out of the air, just by being close to someone who sneezes or coughs. I don’t know where I got it. But a sore throat is not what I wanted for Christmas. Still, it could have been worse, much worse.

My time is almost up. Three more hours and I won’t be contagious any more. I can go shopping. Thing is, I’m too sick. The crud has gone to my head and I can’t breathe. And my stomach is acting up. I feel worse instead of better. I think I’ll go back to bed.

Santa came early at my house, and if this is my present, I must have been really naughty this year. On the other hand, at least he didn’t bring me the coronovirus.


Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss
Revised 2015

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All I Want for Christmas

Posted on November 29, 2020 by Sheila Moss

One year my little granddaughter came in smiling with her two front teeth missing. She was at that age when the baby teeth go and the permanent teeth come in.

“Where did your teeth go?” I asked. Silly question.

“I went to the dentist and he pulled them.” She replied.

“Do you know that song ‘All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth’?”

She said that she did. Bless her heart. Her permanent teeth were starting to erupt and it seems that the thing to do these days is to get the baby teeth extracted so the others do not come in crooked or behind the baby teeth. Actually, what she probably needed for Christmas was her dental bill paid, but we won’t go into that.

When I was a kid, baby teeth were pulled by tying a string to a door knob and the other end to the tooth and slamming the door. This seems a bit brutal now that I think of it. I think I wiggled and wiggled my loose teeth until they finally were loose enough to fall out.

I asked her if she went to sleep for them to be pulled and she said “No, he just pulled them.” I think maybe she just doesn’t remember or else they were really loose already. Whatever, they were gone and she was okay with it.

These days it is hard to know what to get people for Christmas. Most of the people on my list already have their two front teeth and want gift cards or money. Seems so crass, but why give them something they don’t want? Actually, I really like gift cards myself.

My grandson long ago got his two front teeth and found out about the Santa myth. Usually, he wants gift cards, which he calls “credit cards.” This year, however, he came up with something better, an upgrade on his cell phone.

They tell me the popular gifts this year will be electronics: iPhones and iPads. Boy, the price of Christmas keeps going up, just like the price of dentistry. If they get an iPad this year, it makes me wonder what they will be asking for next year. But I suppose the thing to do is worry about one year at a time.

Little kids like my granddaughter are easy to buy for. They like everything and the assortment of toys is unending. She probably has a list for Santa already. That’s good, since her teeth will have to be a gift from nature, not from Santa.

Christmas has gotten way out of hand. In spite of Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and the endless ads online and catalogs that come in the mail, people say they already have everything they want. I guess that means everything but an iPad.

What I really need the most is for everything in the house to quit breaking at the same time. The septic tank backed up, the washing machine broke down, the car had to have a battery, and the phone quit working, all in the same few weeks. That is not to even mention how the chandelier fell out of the ceiling and crashed on the table for no reason at all.

Maybe Santa could bring me some better luck. Either that or he should avoid my house altogether as he may break a leg – or lose his two front teeth.

If you know of a way to bring good luck to your home, please let me know. In the meantime I’m trying to think of a way to get my granddaughter to sing “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” so I can make a video. Now that would truly be a gift that is priceless.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

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Barefoot Barbie

Posted on November 28, 2020 by Sheila Moss

Barbie

I went to Walmart to check out the selection, which wasn’t the greatest. What does a grandma know about buying a Barbie doll? I selected a pretty-faced, blonde called Beach Party Barbie and a package of assorted Barbie clothes. So far I had a Barbie investment of under $25.

Lately my granddaughter has been coming to visit. While I keep a supply of all-occasion toys, I found that I had a gross deficiency in toys geared toward little girls. I needed to add a few girly-girl toys directed toward her more feminine interests.

Enter Barbie: All little girls like Barbies, don’t they? Oh, I know some people hate Barbie, saying she looks anorexic, teaches the wrong ethical values, and is all about shallow values like looks and clothes.

Barbie may be fixated on fashion but otherwise seems relatively harmless. She is just a toy, not likely to kidnap a child and drag her away to New York for life in the fast lane.

Then the ugly truth about Beach Party Barbie was revealed. When granddaughter tried to dress her up, none of the tiny shoes fit. It seems Beach Party Barbie is a misfit in the Barbie world. Unlike other Barbies with tiny pointed feet that fit only in stiletto high-heel shoes, Beach Barbie has big flat feet. Putting shoes on her is like trying to slip Cinderella’s glass slipper onto one of the mean stepsisters.

We decided to name her “Barefoot Barbie” and hope she didn’t mind. Surely they make shoes to fit this Barbie, I thought. I went to eBay to check and found that big-footed Barbie had no shoes of her own, but had to wear Ken’s shoes.

So, I ordered more dresses, long ones so the big flat feet wouldn’t show. Add another $10.50 to the Barbie bill. The dresses came, miniature evening gowns in all colors. What does a few extra dollars matter when the clothes are so cute?

But, what fun is it to dress-up a Barbie that has no shoes?

Granddaughter brought dolls from home to keep Barefoot Barbie company. For all her genetic defects, she was generous and shared her wardrobe with the other girls without complaining. Of course, they had tiny Barbie feet that fit perfectly in the shoes that didn’t work for the misfit Barbie.

Poor Barefoot Barbie!

I decided to buy some Ken shoes so she would have something to wear. Add another $14 for 25 pairs of assorted Ken shoes, a steal at the price. The Ken shoes arrived, a wardrobe bonanza. Some of them fit and some didn’t. Barefoot Barbie now had tennis shoes and clogs to wear, not the high-fashion high-heels of her Barbie sisters, but, hey, she isn’t the jealous type.

Meanwhile, I spotted another batch of cute Barbie butterfly dresses — more money into the bottomless Barbie fashion pit. It never ends. Where did I ever get the idea that getting a Barbie for a child was a good idea? I’ll soon have a fortune invested in clothing for these tiny plastic humanoids and the entire wardrobe fits into a plastic baggie.

I don’t know whether manufacturing the flat-footed Barbie was a mistake, a response to criticism of the high-heeled icons, an attempt to make her more realistic, or simply a ploy to snag unwary grandmas that don’t know beans about Barbie.

Maybe I can cut down some of those tennis shoes with manicure scissors. But, I’m wondering what to do with all the extra Ken shoes, the tiny ice-skates, roller skates, and hiking boots? Maybe I should get a Ken doll to dilute all the estrogen, but then I would need to buy outfits for Ken.

Next time I want to buy a toy, will someone please remind me that Barbie does not teach children the right values? Also, if anyone thinks Barbie looks anorexic, they should see my pocketbook since she came to live with me.


Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

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