Stormy Weather


It started off as usual, the morning routine, the commute to work, the office tasks, with the only thing unusual being a trip to the employee clinic where I get allergy shots. Nothing exciting around there – that’s for sure.

I left the building to walk across the street to the clinic. As I stood waiting for the light to change, I noticed a black cloud in the far distance.

“Looks as if we might get some rain,” commented an elderly gentleman also waiting for the light.

“I was thinking the same thing.” I agreed.

“No point in going back for an umbrella as far away as that cloud is,” though I vaguely remembered something about thunder showers on the TV weather that morning.

I signed in at the clinic and sat down to wait. Others people came in mumbling about how dark it looked outside. I began to get a bit nervous. “I wish they would hurry up so I can get out of here before the rain comes.”

It was only a matter of minutes, but it seemed like hours before they finally called my name. As soon as I was done, I headed back, in spite of the fact that I was supposed to wait for 20 minutes before leaving. I didn’t have 2 minutes to spare, much less 20.

When I came to the glass doors going outside, I couldn’t believe my eyes. In a matter of mere minutes, the bright sun was gone and an ominous darkness prevailed.

I better run.

I hurried, certain I still had time to make it back before the rain began – certain but wrong. I got to middle of the street and the bottom fell out. The rain began to pour. I ran to the closest building and huddled in the doorway with all the other people huddled there.

“I can’t stand here forever. It could be hours until it decides to stop.” I decided to make a dash for it.

Lightning flashed and thunder crashed. The rain began blowing in sheets. I could feel it soaking my shirt and my shoes were swamped. Water was trickling into my eyes and as I brushed it away, I realized my hair was soaked.

Why didn’t I wait? Why didn’t I take an early lunch hour and stay until the rain stopped? A monsoon poured down on me. It must be a tsunami. That much water couldn’t come from the sky.

My hair was dripping, my clothes drenched, even my underwear was wet.

The security guard gave me a suspicious eye but let me pass when I got back. I tried to sneak onto the elevator, but wouldn’t you just know that someone who knew me would get on.

“Gee,” she commented, “Was it really that important to get back to work?”

“I love this place,” I said sarcastically. “Can’t keep me away.”

I sneaked into the ladies room where I tried to dry my hair with paper towels. It was pretty hopeless. I was going to be wet for a while. I returned to my desk and no one seemed to even notice. Hard to believe how involved people are in their own lives.

I remembered the tee shirt in my drawer, the dry tee shirt that I brought for emergencies like coffee spills. If this isn’t an emergency, I don’t know what is. The dry shirt helped a lot, and so did the sweater that I keep around for chills.

My hair began to dry. My polyester pants had not absorbed to much water.

A co-worker came by. “You won’t believe what happened to me,” she said. “I got caught in the rain. I had to go in the drugstore and buy an umbrella.”

Seems I’m not the only one around here that misjudged the cloud. She didn’t look very wet. Should I tell her what happened to me?

Nah, I didn’t want to steal her thunder.




Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss

Posted in Humor, Weather, Work Humor | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

iPhone is Not for Dummies

tyler-lastovich-kylL5DcscOA-unsplash “Open it.” He said, handing me a small box. It isn’t my birthday and it is too early for Christmas. The box had an apple with a bite out of it on front. Even I knew what that logo meant. And when I opened it, there it was — a shiny new black iPhone. I’ve never really been a gadget person. Some people have to have the newest and latest electronic item as soon as it is released. When the iPhone first came out, we had to go to the Apple store and stand in line with the other early innovaters so Honey could get one on the first day. But here it was, the future staring me right in the face — ready or not. The guy at the phone store had transferred my phone directory already and had it ready to go. Go where, I wasn’t quite sure. I figured turning it on was a good place to start. I pushed the only button and the phone came to life. “Slide to start,” it said on the phone, so I did and up popped a screen like a mini computer. “Where’s the owner’s manual?” I asked. “That little 10 page pamphlet?” How hard can it be if it takes only 10 tiny pages to explain? They seemed to assume you were somewhat technically savvy. Like most computer manuals, it didn’t make much sense. I decided to try and figure it out myself and things went better. I found a tiny keyboard where I could type text messages or email. But the keys were so tiny and my fingers so large. I could not get it to type the right letters. After typing the letter before, the letter after, and the letter above, I finally figured out that if I lined a key up with my hangnail, it would type the right letter. This is going to be some slow going, I thought. I found out the browser is called Safari, not Internet Explorer. You can tell I’m not an Apple person. Anyhow, I was able to check my email with the help of my hangnail and the backspace. I really didn’t see the point when I had a computer at home with a screen big enough to see. I supposed I would learn to love it. Everyone else seems to. And Honey was so pleased with himself for thinking of it that I couldn’t disappoint him by being too dumb to use it. I eventually figured out how to make a call with it. Sometimes I hit the wrong name in the directory, and had to explain I was breaking in a new phone. I finally figured out how to make the tiny web pages large enough to read, though it really seemed like more trouble than it was worth unless you are really desperate to read a web page. Actually, I learned this from the TV commercial which showed how to pull it in two different directions to enlarge. “Can I borrow your iPhone?” asked my grandson when he found out I had one. “What for?” I asked. “My friend and I want to make a video.” he said. I knew it had a camera, but this thing makes videos? I finally figured out that feature. At least I am as smart as a fifth grader. And now, 10 years after the fact and many iPhones later, I’m as addicted to an iPhone as everyone else and can’t imagine life without one.
Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss
Posted in Humor, Technology | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Take Two Aspirin and Call Me

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I heard the other day that a new use had been found for aspirin. Aspirin has been found to do just about anything you can think of, so I cannot imagine what else could be attributed to it other than curing flat feet or a bad haircut, but apparently there is something.  It seems that the magic ingredient in aspirin is acetylsalicylic acid. Be sure to notice the acid part as we will talk more about it later.

When aspirin was discovered over a hundred years ago, it was considered a wonder drug, and it remains one of the most widely used drugs for relieving pain and fever. If it had been discovered in current times, it probably would require a prescription instead of being sold over the counter.

My honey takes a baby aspirin every day. People who are at risk are often advised by their doctor to take small daily doses of aspirin to thin their blood and prevent heart attack.

I couldn’t find anything newly discovered for aspirin on the Internet, but did find a bunch of stuff that I didn’t know about before. I had heard the old one about dissolving an aspirin in the vase before adding fresh flowers. Apparently aspirin acts on plants just like it does on my honey’s blood veins. It opens up the plant fibers and lets more fresh water get in to prevent wilting.

One that I had not heard of before was using aspirin on pimples and mosquito bites. Yes, you heard me right. You wet an aspirin and rub it on the bump. Since aspirin is an anti-inflammatory, it reduces the inflammation and helps it to heal quicker. And to think, I went through my entire adolescence thinking Clearasil was the way to go because Dick Clark said so.

A similar one is to use aspirin to stop bleeding if you nick yourself shaving. How aspirin can both thin blood and stop bleeding is beyond me. But the next time I nick myself on the ankle trying to shave my legs in the shower, I’ll try it and report back.

Aspirin is even supposed to be able to cure dandruff. You crumble up a couple and mix it with shampoo. Fortunately, I don’t have dandruff, which unfortunately means I will not get to try this one. It is the salicylic acid doing it’s thing again. The acid can kill fungus, which means aspirin is also good for athlete’s feet.

I don’t keep aspirin around much any more since they began finding all the negative things about it, like causing stomach ulcers and Reye’s syndrome in children. I always use Advil or Tylenol. I think everyone has a favorite pain reliever that they think is better that any of the million others on the drugstore shelf.

The main use of aspirin, of course, is for relief of pain. I recall hearing that holding an aspirin on an aching tooth would help. I suspect that the relief is more from the drug being swallowed than from anything it does to the tooth, but who knows? If it works on pimples, maybe it could work on an aching tooth. I didn’t try it when I had my dry socket. I used oil of cloves. Someone else can test this theory as I never want to go through that again.

One of the more interesting uses I found was that you can disolve aspirin and use it to remove prespiration stains by soaking the stain with it before laundering. I don’t know how I made it through life without knowing this one. I did know the one about lemon juice and rust stains, though. Probably the same principle, the acid.

Last but not least, some people recommend using aspirin to revive a dead car battery. The acid in a couple aspirin mixes with the battery acid and gives it enough juice to start one last time. Personally, I would recommend AAA for a dead battery unless you want to kill it permanently.

I think I forgot to mention that the main use of aspirin is to relieve the pain of a headache. That’s a really good thing to know as all this talk about aspirin is starting to give me one.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss
Posted in Health, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

It’s Almost Over

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Next week we will know who our next President is, unless it is another of those count, recount, and no account fiasco’s like we had several years ago in Florida. They say that everyone has quit using the old dimple and chad method that caused so much trouble then.

Now they have newer and better ways to mess up the vote, touch-screen machines with no paper back up. I suppose that’s one way to be sure there is no recount. A few people around these parts claim they touched one candidate on the screen and the X lit up for another. Election officials say it is “finger rolling” also known as “blame the voter.”

Some polls still use the old one-arm bandits where you flip the levers and pull the big red handle to register your vote and open the curtains when you are done. The voting machines at my polling place were small and had buttons to push to light up the X and a big red button to push when you were done.

All machines have the problem of making it hard to vote for a write-in.

I’ve heard of new machines that scan a paper ballot and if there is a problem, you can fix it while you are still there. We don’t have such fancy technology in these parts, so I guess all you can do is vote and hope it is counted.

Apparently, complaints of machines not working right are not widespread and there have not been too many. Voter fraud seems to be a rare event in spite of claims to the contrary. After standing in the long lines, I’d hate to think it was for nothing.

I early voted this year. I’ve seen and heard enough. I know who I am voting for so why wait? I thought I’d save time by early voting, but the line was long. I guess everyone heard that there was going to be a record turnout at the polls and wanted to avoid the rush.

I heard in the news that most of the registered voters have already voted. So, the polls may not be very crowded on Election Day after all. I still remember the last election where I messed up and forgot to vote early and then had to vote on Election Day. I kicked myself the whole time I stood in line for not voting early. Nothing you can do but wait, though, unless you decide not to vote.

It’s pretty amazing really, how people are willing to wait forever if that’s what it takes to cast their ballot. Standing in that line as it snakes back and forth lets you know that you are doing something important, participating in something bigger than you are. It never fails to give you a feeling of pride seeing the democratic process in action.

I am always surprised at how many candidates are on the ballot. Gee, I’ve never heard of any of them except for the two main candidates. Afterwards, Honey and I got into a discussion about third party candidates. He says they are not good because they cannot win and they draw votes away that could cause a good candidate to lose.

I can see the point, but I think third party candidates are still important. Running for President can give a candidate a forum to discuss issues that need to be brought up but might not be discussed otherwise. They also bring issues to the forefront that may later be taken up by the major parties as part of their platform.

So, that’s about all I have to say about voting except that I sure hope the candidate I voted for wins. It’s a bit of a letdown to go to all the trouble of voting only to have your candidate lose. But at least I’ve participated and have earned the right to say “I told you so” if things don’t go the way they should.

Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss

Posted in Humor, News & Current Events | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Is it almost Halloween?

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Is It Almost Halloween?  Twenty Easy Questions to help you decide….

Did you see bats and/or black cats in your neighbor’s windows?

Is there a gallon of apple cider in your fridge?

Have you noticed a nice selection of black capes at the grocery store, drug store, or discount mart?

Do all the cakes and cookies in the bakery have orange icing?

Does the menu have pumpkin pie on the desert list?

Have you seen anyone wearing an expensive designer sweater with “boo!” written on it?

Have cobwebs and plastic spiders appeared in any corners?

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Did a pumpkin patch sprout in some unlikely place, like in a parking lot?

Do you have trouble maneuvering a basket down the supermarket aisle because of the piles of candy?

Are there are strange looking goblins working at the check-out registers?

Are the trees on your lawn decorated with toilet paper?

Have you noticed new and improved trick or treat bags?

Are haunted houses a hot real estate item?

Do the TV listings have only reruns of old horror movies?

Did someone compliment your mask when you weren’t wearing one?

Do ghouls, vampires and werewolves seem almost normal?

Did the scarecrow in your neighbor’s yard turn out to be the neighbor?

Are the spirits coming from the graveyard now instead of the liquor store?

Does being an old witch seem like a valid alternative occupational choice?

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If most of the above are true, you can suspect that Halloween is probably lurking just around the corner.  When you see a Christmas tree at Wal-Mart, you’ll KNOW for sure.

Begin thinking of places to go on October 31st before the doorbell starts ringing… especially if you’ve already eaten up all the trick or treat candy!

bee-felten-leidel-zMl5s2nDLGg-unsplashCopyright 2000 Sheila Moss
Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Saving Time

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Being on time, using time, losing time, saving time — everyone is concerned about time, especially when it is time to change from daylight saving time. The worse thing about changing time all the time is trying to keep up with time.

To find out how addicted we are to keeping time, count the number of clocks you have. In my kitchen alone, I have four clocks: The kitchen clock, the singing bird clock, the microwave clock, and the clock on the stove. And that’s just one room and not counting the clock I wear strapped to my arm. Nothing could be worse than not knowing what time it is.

Some clocks are smart and some not so smart when it comes to keeping time. Computers are smart and set themselves back to standard time. But this is confusing, because I have to remember not to set them back again. Cell phones are also smart. These smart clocks always make me feel useless, somehow.

But the less smart ones make up for any feeling of inferiority I might have. My mantel clock is really a dumb clock. It not only cannot set itself forward and back, it cannot even remember to run unless I wind it up with a key once a week. If all clocks had to be wound, I would never know what time it is. I have enough trouble remembering to put batteries in them once a year. Of course, clocks do have their own way of dealing with you if you forget to wind them or change their battery.

My clock radio is a smart aleck clock. It runs on electricity so I don’t have to remember to change the battery. But it has a battery for a backup in case the electricity goes off. The strange thing is that the battery helps it to keep the correct time without electricity, but it conserves energy by not displaying the time. So the clock knows the time, but it isn’t telling. How weird is that?

The clock in my car is so complicated that I can never remember how to reset it. It has something to do with the numerous buttons that control the radio, CD player, and all the other dashboard gadgets that I never use. It has the right time part of the year and is an hour off the rest of the year. I’ve given up even trying to change it. Problem is that I can never remember when it is right and when it is wrong.

Daylight saving time is very popular and so it continues even though no one is really sure that it saves energy like it is supposed to do. Does having one more hour of daylight in the evening actually save energy or simply change energy use to the morning? And if it is so popular, why do we complain so much about it?

Changing time causes massive confusion with travel. Local time dictates when clocks are changed so at some point the time zones are not one hour different, but two. And that’s not even to mention countries that change to daylight saving time on a different dates or not at all. One thing for sure, people seem to drive better in the daylight. That alone might make it worth the trouble.

Personally, I am willing to put up with the time thing as a minor inconvenience twice a year. I really miss the extra hour of sleep, though. Yes, I know I am going to get it back, but it was lost so long ago that it does not even matter anymore. Some people would like to go to daylight saving time and stay there instead of going back and forth all the time. That would probably make too much sense though.

I would really like to talk more about time, how to save time, and how to use time, but like everyone else, I really don’t have the time right now.

Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Finally Friday

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It’s “Finally Friday,” “Smile, it’s Friday,” and “TGIF” (Thank God It’s Friday). So, what is so special about Friday? Why, it’s the last day of the work week, and people have two whole days to loaf, kick up our heels, do our own thing, or whatever it is that we would rather be doing than working.

In olden times, Friday was considered unlucky, but nowadays, we can hardly wait for it to get here. We count the days from Blue Monday to Hump Day and onward to Friday. Monday is blue because it is “back to the grindstone.” But after we get past Wednesday, it’s all downhill. Pitiful, the way we seem to have so little to look forward to that Friday has become the high point of the week.

Around my house, Fridays are not much more important than any other day. By the time it finally rolls around, I don’t feel like going anywhere. It used to be that Friday was a good day to go out since I could sleep late on Saturday. Now, if I “go out,” it’s more likely to be to buy the weekly groceries than anything else.

Friday is sometimes called Fish Day. Some religions do not eat meat on Friday as a penance or sacrifice. People can eat fish, however, so Friday became the day of eating fish. Eventually fish day became a tradition that had nothing to do with religion and many restaurants still have a fish special on Friday.

I remember a ditty from childhood where each day of the week was given a special chore. Monday was washday. I have no idea why unless it was considered a good thing to start off the week with clean clothes or because washing clothes by hand, wringing them out, and hanging them on a line outside was such a chore that you had to do it after having a day of rest on Sunday.

In the song, Friday was the day to clean house. Now that women have been liberated, we work outside the home too, and Friday is not a day when we want to clean house. Neither is Saturday for that matter. But I usually clean house on Saturday anyhow as that is really the only day I have time to do it.

Baking on Saturday went south somewhere around the time of the invention of sliced bread, didn’t it? Does anyone actually bake their own bread these days? Ironing went out the window too with the invention of permanent press clothing, and sewing is more of a hobby or craft than a necessity. Many women can’t sew a stitch and like it that way.

Friday is also payday, another reason to celebrate. Now few employers pay weekly, though. Instead they pay every two weeks as it is easier and more economical. I get paid twice a month regardless of what day of the week it is. Try and figure that one out.

Friday has historically been associated with disasters and often called Black Friday. But “Black Friday” has recently become the term used to refer to the day after Thanksgiving when many people start their holiday shopping, getting merchants out of the red and into the black financially.

Some offices have a Casual Friday to celebrate the end of the work week. Employees are allowed to dress down and relax normal standards. Lately I’ve noticed a trend toward not working in the office at all on Friday, but staying at home to telecommute and stretch that two-day weekend a bit.

Friday was named after the planet Venus, which was called Frige in Old English and eventually shortened to Fri Day — not that anyone cares. All I can say is TGIF, and I can’t wait until the week is over and I can rest.

Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Eyeing the Eye Doctor

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Once a year I go through the nuisance of going to the eye doctor. Oh, the aggravation of it all, not to mention those awful drops that dilate your pupils and make everything fuzzy for hours.

My appointment is always made a year ahead so the doctor will be sure to get my repeat business without interruption.

It happens as we get older. The eyes go first. One day you notice you can’t read the small print on medicine bottles anymore. “Why don’t they print this stuff larger?” After all, isn’t it mostly older people that are trying to read medicine bottles?

First you get contacts. And then the day comes when contacts are not enough, and you need reading glasses, bifocals, or (God forbid) trifocals. For a while I had both contacts and reading glasses. Finally, I realized I was being ridiculous. I was going to have to wear glasses, vanity or not.

And so, here I am in the eye doctor’s office again with the nurse calling my name. “How are you today?” she asks.

“Fine,” I reply, but what I’m thinking is “old and going blind. Why do you think I’m here?”

I go in the darkened room with the tall black chair that reminds me of an old fashioned dentist chair. I climb up in the monstrosity and hold on tight. The assistant takes my health history again. I don’t know why I had to fill out all that paperwork before since apparently no one looks at it.

She turns on the eye chart that reflects in the mirror on the wall and has me read it. “Yes, I can see the big E,” I tell her. Then we go down the chart until we get to the row that looks like ants instead of letters.

The silver arm with the big binoculars swings toward me and it’s time to try different lenses. “Which is best? This or this?” She flips different lenses in front of me. Actually, they all look pretty much the same, but I pick number one or number two and she is satisfied.

Finally, she put drops in my eyes that feel like sand and shines the bright blue light in my eyes while I try hard not to blink, or scream. Then the dreaded dilating drops go into my eyes and she shows me to the waiting room in the hall, where I wait and read the doctor’s certificates, licenses and diplomas on the wall. Funny, how they are all displayed where everyone has fuzzy vision.

Eventually, the doctor comes and we go back in the dark room and repeat the entire procedure. This time the lights are even brighter as he plays laser tag with my throbbing eyeballs.

“I think we need to change your glasses,” he says. Oh, really? I thought my eyes were already as bad as they could get, but apparently they can always get worse.

He smoothly guides me into the convenient glasses shop in his office — as if I am going to pick out a pair of glasses while I am half blind. I know my rights. “Could I just take the prescription with me?” I somehow have the idea that eye doctors should be in the business of doctoring, not selling glasses that they have prescribed.

I’ll get my glasses at the mall where they are open evenings and weekends and have designer frames. Designer frames? Now that’s a paradox for you — as if there is anything anyone can do to glasses to make them look good.

“There is only one good thing about this entire experience,” I think, putting on the  disposable, dark, cardboard glasses that are supposed to prevent sun blindness.

I don’t have to come back until a year from today.

Copyright 2010 Sheila Moss
Posted in Health, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Somalia Pirate Dog

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When Obama was in the White House, he had a pet dog called a Portuguese Water  Dog. Joe Biden also has his eye on a pet dog. It is an unusual dog known as a Somalia Pirate Dog. The new dog could be named “NO”, which is a world that will probably be heard a lot in the dog’s new home.

This new dog is not a pedigree dog. He is a mongrel who grew up in the streets of Scranton, PA. Abandoned by his original owner, he learned to do whatever he had to do to survive. Eventually he ended up in an animal shelter, where he did hard time until he was rescued.

You probably thought that all puppies are “water” dogs, at least when they first come home. The Somalia Pirate Dog might be considered a water dog in this respect. He will need to be watched closely around the White House carpets or he may decide to mark his territory.

While the Portuguese dog has to be taught to swim, the Somalia Pirate Dog is born knowing how to dog paddle. For a pirate dog, it is sink or swim. He has learned everything though survival of the fittest. The dogs excel in fighting and burying bones.

Interestingly, both kinds of dogs have hair instead of fur. While a pedigree water dog goes to the groomer on a regular basis to have his hair groomed and trimmed, the pirate dog wears his hair in a pony tail, as is traditional with Pirate Dogs.

Portuguese Water Dogs are historically work dogs. They were called water dogs because they worked on the boats of Portuguese fishermen in the olden days, where they were considered part of the crew. It was their task to guard the boats in port, to swim and herd fish into the nets, to fetch items that fell overboard, and to even take messages from one boat to another.

Somalia Pirate Dogs have a somewhat different background. They worked on the ships of pirates in historical times where they helped to seize ships from the crews on the high sea. It was their task to swim to the other ship, and to viciously hold the crew at bay while the pirates boarded the ship and robbed it of its cargo of valuables. The favorite part of these raids for the pirate dogs was looting the galley.

People who own Portuguese Dogs have reported that they are high energy dogs and if not kept busy, will find their own ways to amuse themselves. They are said to like chewing up paper and may have been the source of the phrase, “The dog ate my homework.”

The Pirate Dogs are also eaters of paper. The pirate dog is likely to sneak into the Oval Office and chew up any unsigned Congressional bills or Presidential Orders that are left laying around. Pirate dogs are especially fond of chewing up treaties, which pirates historically have never liked anyhow.

The Somalia Pirate Dog is a handsome dog. He usually has a black patch of fur over one eye and is especially cute with a red bandana tied around his neck. Many activist groups strongly favor shelter dogs and believe they make excellent pets when adopted into good homes.

There have been many interesting pets in the White House other than dogs. Other Presidents have had pets, from alligators in the bathtub and white mice, to hippo’s and tiger cubs. George Washington even had a parrot, which might have been the first pet in the White House that historically belonged to a pirate.

The addition of the Somalia Pirate Dog to the White House would be a great political achievement for the administration. There is nothing like the success story of an underdog to get the nation’s attention off of other problems.

Copyright 2009 Sheila Moss
Updated 2020

Disclaimer: Although based on facts, this article is SATIRE (fiction) less anyone take it seriously.

Posted in Creatures, Humor, News & Current Events | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Fun at the Faire

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Every year I say “not again” and every year I find myself there again. It isn’t that I can’t resist the advertisements, or that I actually want to go, or even that my arm is being twisted or I’m suffering from undue influence.

Somehow, when the time comes around for the local renaissance festival, my memory plays tricks on me. I think maybe they put something in the water that makes me forget. The weekend comes, I forget that I’m not going, and there I am again.

My grandson loves to go, that probably has a lot to do with it too. What kid wouldn’t love it? Magicians, escape artists, sword-fighting pirates, fire eaters, dueling knights in armor, it’s the kind of storybook place that lets fantasy go wild.

I like these things too; don’t get me wrong. It’s just that after a while; well, I’ve seen it all before and it’s always pretty much the same. Of course, they do have this really good food. I’m partial to the “leg of fowl”, or as we common folk call it, fried leg of turkey.

Besides turkey, they also have kettle corn. I can’t resist kettle corn. Even though the popcorn smell blends with the smell of dung from the camels across the path, I can’t stay away from the kettle corn booth. I take my popcorn elsewhere before eating it, however.

In addition to the strange medieval wearing attire and crafts that are featured in the booths, they also sell a lot of unusual trinkets and baubles that I have a hard time resisting. I told myself, “No jewelry this year.” But, I could look, couldn’t I? It doesn’t cost anything to look.

And that’s how I ended up with the tiger-eye necklace… just looking. But it was really an unusual piece and such a good deal! Besides, I had to do something to pass the afternoon besides watch the laundry wenches frolic, and it wasn’t time for the fire eater yet.

Okay, so I went to see the fire-eater. I don’t know how he does it without burning his insides out, but he does. Not only do I not know how, I also don’t know why. He must have a recessive pyromania gene that makes him want to play with fire. Don’t try this at home, kids.

My grandson kept returning for additional funds until I found out he was spending the money on renaissance versions of games of chance, not hotdogs. He really wanted a stick tossing game, which they did not have. They did have a bow and arrow set, however. Good grief! And I was worried about stick tossing games being dangerous?

By the time the knights were ready to duel, I was ready to go home, but I didn’t want to miss out. Unfortunately, the fire walker’s show was at the same time. Decisions, decisions. Who could resist knights in shinning armor participating in games for the honor of the queen? Violent as it may be, it is still probably the most interesting event there.

Now I’ll grant you that there are some very weird folks running around in the woods in very weird costumes. Not all of them are festival reenactors either, many of them are supposedly the audience.

However, I’m not sure they look a whole lot more bizarre than the gentle folks at the steeplechase race with their silly sundresses and hats — all horsed up for the horse races, with white flesh hanging out everywhere, making pictures for the social section of the newspaper.

But I digress.

At least the people at the Renaissance Faire know they are acting strangely.

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