Spaghetti Supper

Posted on July 15, 2017 by Sheila Moss

spaghetti

Okay, I think it’s about time that you learn to cook! We will start with something easy and fun – spaghetti! It is impossible to eat a food as silly as spaghetti without a smile. It is something that anyone can fix quickly and also makes a great meal for unexpected company. You only need three ingredients to make spaghetti: noodles, sauce, and ground beef. Some people leave the meat out, but what kind of meal is that?

We will start by cooking the noodles. Use your largest pot so it won’t boil over during cooking. Here is a trick I’ve learned for cooking long spaghetti. First, bring the water to a boil. Then insert the spaghetti noodles and let them soften on one end to wind them around in the pot and avoid breaking them in half. You are on the way to being a gourmet chef already.

Next, unwrap the hamburger. I hope you bought the lean beef or you will end up with a big pan of grease. Crumble the meat into a hot skillet and brown it. Drain off all the extra grease. Oh no, you got the cheap hamburger, didn’t you? Look at all that grease! NO! Don’t drain it in the sink! Too late… Well, maybe it won’t clog the drain.

Okay, now open the jar of spaghetti sauce and add it to the browned meat. Turn the heat on low and let it simmer. Some people make their own spaghetti sauce, but that is definitely too advanced for a beginner. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to spend hours making spaghetti sauce anyhow when we have Ragu.

By now the noodles should be about done. The only way to know for sure is to remove one and test it. It should be tender, but not mushy. They are all stuck together? Haven’t you been stirring them? Well, try to get that blob separated. Next time use a little olive oil in the water and it will help with this problem. At least we used the big pot and they didn’t boil over, well, at least not much. We can clean it up later.

Remove the glob of noodles and place them in a colander to drain. What do you mean, what is a colander? It looks like a bowl with holes in it. You don’t have one? Great! Well, drain the water off the best you can. Maybe the boiling water will help unclog the grease in the drain.

Rinse the noodles in hot water. Why do you have to rinse them when they are already wet? It gets rid of the extra starch. Don’t argue with me! Just rinse the noodles and drain them. You will never learn to cook at this rate!

Okay, we need to make a decision at this point. Do we want to serve the sauce over the spaghetti or do we want to stir them together before serving? I like to stir them together as it gives the noodles a chance to absorb some of the sauce. Also, it will give the noodles a chance to finish cooking since you didn’t let them get quite done.

What is that smell? The spaghetti sauce! I told you to turn it on low! LOW! Don’t you know that tomato sauce burns easily? I don’t know about you, but I’m about feed up with this mess. Cooking class is closed. While I go take the battery out of the smoke alarm, throw that lump of noodles in the garbage disposal and let’s get out of here! Does the Olive Garden take reservations?

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss

Posted in Food, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Helpful Hints from a Mother-In-Law

Posted on July 5, 2017 by Sheila Moss

cleaning

E-MAIL

FROM: Mother-In-Law@aol.net

TO: Daughter-In-Law@home.com

SUBJECT: Helpful Hints from a Mother-in-Law

I’ve been meaning to talk to you for some time now about a matter I’m concerned about. I don’t mean to offend you, dear, but your housekeeping is just not up to par. I’ve noticed a number of things, and I just wanted to call them to your attention. My son is simply not used to living like that.

When I was younger, my house was absolutely spotless. Why, I scrubbed my kitchen floor on my hands and knees every day and then waxed it. It was so clean that you could practically eat off the floor! I realize that today’s floor coverings don’t need waxing, but that should make it even easier for you. I know you work all week and don’t have much time, but it really doesn’t really take that long just to mop the floor.

I’ve also noticed unwashed dishes in your sink. As I’ve said, I don’t mean to be critical, dear. I used to wash all my dishes by hand and dry them too. I put clean shelf paper in my cabinets every month. With all the modern conveniences women have these days, I can’t see any reason for having dirty dishes. With dishwashers, automatic washers and dryers and microwaves, women are just getting lazy. My mother used to wash her clothes with a tub and washboard. Thank goodness, I never had to do that, but I did hang out my clothes to dry on a clothesline. And I still managed to keep my dishes washed. Perhaps you just need to try a little harder, dear.

I’m afraid to even look into your bedroom to see if the beds are made. It gives me shivers to think that you probably don’t change the sheets every week. My sheets were always clean and spotless, and I had to iron them too – none of this polyester blend stuff like you have nowadays. I had white chenille bedspreads on every bed and no one ever saw them unmade. I just hope you are least making up my son’s bed every day so the sheets are not crumpled as well as dirty.

Finally, I’d like to mention the dust. Obviously, you are dusting around the dishes on the hutch instead of taking them off and dusting behind things. The tops of your curtain rods are filthy. You really need to get rid of the feather duster as it just stirs up the dust on the furniture. I’ve always polished all my furniture with lemon wax at least once a week. I highly recommend this if you want things to be really clean and shiny.

I won’t go into the need to sanitize the bathroom every day. Surely we do not need to discuss something this delicate. I will mention, however, that I could not help but notice how the towels were not folded and kept straight, and that the soap dish was a bit slimy. Dear, you surely can do better than this. I realize I’m not perfect, but I would never waste a bar of soap by letting it dissolve in a slimy soap dish.

As I said, dear, I don’t want to embarrass you, so I won’t even mention all the other things. I just wanted to call a few of the more obvious problems to your attention. I know I don’t keep a spotless house myself, but things were different when I was your age. I just can’t do as much now as I used to.

I’m sure you won’t mind me telling you about these teensy problems since it is for your own good. As I said, I know you are busy and have a lot of running around to do, but I just felt it was my duty to let you know about these problems. If I can help you to figure out any of your other shortcomings, be sure to let me know. I’m always glad to help. After all, what is family for?

I’m going to delete this email now, dear, and you will never see it. It took me a while to figure it out, but the best advice a mother-in-law can possibly give is the advice she has learned to keep to herself.

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss
Posted in Health, Home, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Red, White and Blue

Posted on July 1, 2017 by Sheila Moss

flag

A strange affliction is sweeping the nation. It seems to manifest itself in a peculiar compulsion to display the colors red, white and blue around July 4th. Nearly everywhere you go, you see people wearing these colors prominently. There are lapel pins, scarves, ribbons and neckties that look like the flag. The American flag has become a smash fashion accessory that is being worn everywhere.

If this isn’t enough by itself, other strange phenomena seem to be taking place as well. Signs in front of businesses spell out bizarre messages, such as “United We Stand… Kids Eat Free.” I even saw a billboard with a picture of the Statue of Liberty.

There are unusual newspaper ads with pictures of the American flag. Indeed, there are American flags displayed everywhere you look: on flagpoles, in the windows of businesses, on homes, thumb tacked on office cubicles, on car antennas – even on fire engines which go screaming down the street with sirens blasting and the American flag flying in the wind.

Yes, Americans are afflicted with a severe case of what is commonly called “patriotism,” i.e. love of country. Though the people of the U.S. may fight and argue among themselves, they draw together on patriotic holidays to rally around the flag pole and support each other with visible symbols of their loyalty to their country. Some even proudly display Old Glory alongside the flag of their favorite football team.

I’m telling ya, it’s positively unbelievable! The other day I saw a Confederate Flag flying at half-mast.  The National Anthem is playing on the radio every time you turn around, even if the ballgame is canceled! I almost had to stand up and salute in the doctor’s waiting room yesterday as strains of the Star Spangled Banner drifted in from the lobby!

Patriotic songs are suddenly big hits and celebrities and artists rush to the microphone to get in on the act. Patriotism, which almost went out of style for a while, became the rage after 911.

Red, white, and blue without a doubt is the fashion scheme of choice for Independence Day. It has never been easier to be in style. If you don’t have a T-shirt with a flag on front, you can buy one at any drug store or supermarket these days.  You can’t even drive to the grocery store without seeing “God Bless America” on a church or gas station message board.

It is kind of nice to see people so enthusiastic. It’s sort of fun to see so many flags flying in the breeze and so much red, white and blue on display. Maybe I should go down to the local Walmart and see if I can get a flag. Maybe I should get two – one for my car also – while I’m there?

I feel a little flushed. Maybe if I hum a few verses of “America the Beautiful” it will help. This patriotism thing is really be contagious!

Copyright 2001-2017 Sheila Moss
Edited
Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Computer Crash

Posted on June 21, 2017 by Sheila Moss

desktoppcIt had been a long day. Kicking off my shoes, I was ready to relax and unwind. I sat down at the computer, licked my lips and eagerly clicked the little envelope icon that would download my email.

My computer froze.

I sat there staring at it for a moment thinking that surely it was a temporary problem. Only another computer addict can really understand. I must have my computer! I rebooted.

I was already in a panic. “It must be a virus,” I concluded. “It has to be virus.” I went to my virus software to download an update. The computer froze again. I felt faint. The “blue screen of death” appeared – a fatal error. “Press any key to continue,” it taunted, so I hit a key.

The screen went black and I CRASHED.

This is bad, very bad, a major computer crash. I don’t have time for this. I want my email; I want to surf. I turned my computer off and rebooted. It came up in Safe Mode. For the computer illiterate among us, that is when the computer will not run but partially reloads Windows to allow you to fix the problem.

Fix the problem? FIX the problem? But I don’t know what to fix!

I restarted it again and again, praying the problem would magically go away, but it didn’t. Finally, I knew – I had to make that call to Computer Support. This was way too complicated for me to figure out. I felt sick. My computer was dead. If it has to go to the shop to be reprogrammed, it means no computer for a week or more. All my valuable files could be lost, and even worse there will be no email.

My heart was pounding and my forehead sweating as I suffered the first round of computer addiction withdrawal.

I grabbed my important papers scattering them everywhere, frantically searching for that 800 number. I was desperate. I thought I was a nerd, but I had totally crashed. I felt the tears begin to swell as I found the 800 number and dialed.

The first tech came on line with a deep southern drawl. I couldn’t understand a word she said. It was embarrassing, especially since I’m southerner too. “Put the Windows CD in; take it out and put in the recovery disk; go to DOS; scan the hard drive for errors.” She didn’t know what she was doing, I concluded. Finally, she decided to let the scan run and let me call back. “No errors found.” That figures.

I called back aggravated. “I need HELP!”

This time I got a geek, a sharp young tech named Josh that knew computers inside and out. I began to breathe again. I could tell he loved a challenge, and I had one for him.

“Go here, go there, and click this, run that, check this, uncheck that. What happened anyhow?” He joked. Nothing seemed to work. I was a basket case, ready for the guys with the straight jacket to come and take me away. “I think you have a corrupted file.” “It’s the video driver,” he said.

I sunk. It sounded hopeless. Josh just kept on working and talking me through the fix. At last, success. SUCCESS! My computer booted! That beautiful Windows music had never sounded so great.

“I think your problem is fixed,” Josh told me.

Thank goodness, somewhere there are young geeks that understand computers and how to make them perform. I was overwhelmed with relief. He said it took an hour. I swear it was more like three.

So here’s a cheer for Josh, where ever he is, and those others like him that listen to the groans and moans of users like me who don’t know what they are doing, but continue paddling upstream in the world of technology, desperately hoping the canoe won’t turn over.

Only another computer addict can really understand.

Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss
Posted in Humor, Technology | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

How Hot Is It?

Posted on June 20, 2017 by Sheila Moss

sunIt has really been hot this summer, so hot I’m beginning to wonder if this is Tennessee or if the Sahara Dessert is migrating westward. The heat waves on the sidewalks lately are big enough to surf on. I can’t even remember the last time a cold front moved through. Spring and summer showers seem to sizzle and only create steam.

When I woke up this morning, I had been dreaming of winter. It’s probably because I keep the air conditioner turned down so low that I’m surprised it isn’t demanding overtime pay. The electric company will soon be sending me hate mail for not conserving energy — on the other hand, they should be sending love letters considering the rates they charge nowadays.

“Don’t sweat it,” I think, when I go outside to get in my car. Easy to say, but who am I kidding? I can feel the little rivers of sweat trickling down my back and my clothes starting to stick to me before I can get the car started. This vehicle is hotter than a red Corvette. I really don’t want to pump gas today, but I may stop at the convenience store anyhow. I think they still sell those flavored, slushy, crushed ice drinks.

I should have brought some ice for my overheated forehead, but I doubt if the refrigerator would give up its ice cubes without a struggle on a day like this. Was it only last winter when I said how much I hated ice and snow? Now those are my favorite words, along with “cold, freezing, chilly and sub-zero.”

My thermometer is having hot flashes. Maybe I need a vacation in a cooler place. I’ve heard it’s winter now in Australia. But I’d have to wait until my travel agent comes back from her cruise to Alaska.

Maybe I can go to the supermarket and hang out around the frozen foods section, or go shopping at the mall where it is cool. The air will be so frigid at the malls, however, that the plants will be frozen. The hotter it is outside, the more mall management seems to try to compensate. No wonder people are sick all summer! But it might be worth getting a cold if I were only sure I’d have chills instead of fever.

My main goal in life these days is to stay cool without a crisis. Wonder if the old cliché “cold hands, warm heart” works in reverse? This is one time that taking a cold shower seems like a good suggestion.

Is that a camel caravan on the interstate, or only a heat delusion? I need a drink of cold water. From now on, I’ll carry an ice cooler for emergencies. Would some one call me a paramedic if I get heat exhaustion? Even the beach umbrellas are looking for shade when the weather is like this.

Everyone complains about the weather. Maybe I could join the kids and play in the eruptions of cool water at the fountains on the mall plaza. Why is it that kids get to have all the real fun while adults only get the fun of complaining?

I used to have big, important things to worry about back when the weather permitted. Now my major concern is simply that I’ll run out of frozen yogurt before the day is done.

Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss
Posted in Humor, Rants, Weather | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Daddy’s Garden

Posted on June 15, 2017 by Sheila Moss

paola-garcia-77090For as long as I can remember, daddy always wanted a vegetable garden, a place to grow his own produce. There were a few attempts with this in mind, but the weeds were very determined and his efforts never yielded much more than a few tomatoes. Eventually, life and work took over, and attempts were given up.

I was grown and married by the time mom and dad bought a house on the edge of town with a large empty lot out behind the garage. At last daddy had a place to grow his garden. He studied the seed catalogs that came in the mail and pondered about what he would plant.

Daddy had an old rusty tiller that someone gave him. He piddled with the motor to keep it running. In the spring daddy would plow the earth and get it ready for planting. The garden he planted was far too large for his needs, but he was not actually growing it for the food. He was growing it because he loved to work outside, to smell the fresh earth, and to see the seeds grow into plants and mature.

The garden was a place where you could nearly always find daddy on the weekends or when he was not at work. When I would visit, he would show the grandchildren his garden and the things that were growing. If there were any ripe tomatoes, he might even let the kids pick a few.

Daddy liked to grow a variety of things. That way if one vegetable failed or was eaten by the garden pests, he had other things to tend. In early spring he planted lettuce and green onions; later he would plant tomatoes and pepper plants, potatoes, beets, turnip greens, and green beans. He grew cucumbers for pickles, and squash and okra that mother would roll in cornmeal and fry in her iron skillet. Daddy didn’t grow corn because it took too much room and because the crows always ate it anyhow.

During the summer, you could never visit without dad telling mom, “Hon, give her some of those tomatoes to take home.” Daddy always grew far more than they could possibly eat, even though mother would freeze green beans, and anything else that could be frozen, and put it in the big freezer in the utility room. If it couldn’t be frozen, it could probably be pickled or canned in a mason jar.

Surplus produce was given to neighbors, friends, relatives, acquaintances, strangers or anyone else that wanted it. Later, the garden’s bounty was taken to the senior citizen center where seniors waited like vultures to see what dad would bring next. It pleased him to be able to give away the fruits of his labor.

When the rabbits came to sample the garden, daddy built an old wooden fence out of scrap lumber to keep them out. The rabbits probably rolled over laughing at it and hopped through a crack, but there was enough for the rabbits and everyone else he knew anyhow.

It must have been a lot of work to tend a garden so large, but daddy did it year after year until he became too old to work in the garden any more. The garden became smaller each year and finally was given up entirely. The last time I saw the garden, grass grew over the spot and there was no sign that a garden had ever been there. Funny, how the patch of land looked so much smaller than it did when daddy had a garden there.

Now daddy’s garden is only a memory and has returned to the earth that it came from. I can still see it in my mind just as it was when it was alive and thriving. And, as long as anyone remembers it, the garden will never die.

Copyright 2013 Sheila Moss
Posted in Crafts/Hobbies, Holidays, Humor, Plants/Gardening | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

The Lightning Bugs

Posted on June 10, 2017 by Sheila Moss
fireflies-at-night-tsuneaki-hiramatsu-6

Beautiful Forest with Fireflies by TSUNEAKI HIRAMATSU 2014 – twistedsifter.com

Firefly season is here. Every year about May or June, people start looking for information on fireflies, or “lightning bugs” as we commonly call them here in the South.

What it is about fireflies that seems to capture the imagination and make people want to understand them. Sure, kids are fascinated, but they are kids. It doesn’t take much to amuse a child.

All of us who grew up where fireflies were plentiful remember running barefoot through the cool grass, chasing the glowing bugs and catching them with our bare hands. Nothing was more thrilling than a jar full of captive sparkling lighting bugs. We were fascinated. We longed to save the beauty forever and hold it in our glass jar, traditionally with holes punched in the top for air.

We sometimes mutilated the bugs looking for the secret to the flash, but were never able to find it. Alas, when night became day, the fireflies were nothing but ugly bugs. We dumped them in disgust. Yet, we would return the next night to try again. Chasing and capturing the fairylike creatures of the night was a summer passtime for children.

Perhaps it is the memories that cause adults to return to look for firefly information, to seek to understand what was not understandable, but remained a source of wonder. Science can explain what we could only ponder about in our childish ways: a mixture of luciferin and luciferase, a chemical reaction between the two, a flash controlled by abdominal muscles.

Our adult mind seeks to comprehend all this, but our heart knows that they are magic! No, we no longer believe in magic because we are adults now and know that there is no such thing. Everything has an explanation and a reason. But the heart of hearts can still wish that it were so.

Here in Tennessee the lightning bugs have appeared. They seemed somewhat earlier this year than normal, perhaps because an unusually warm spring aided with the hatching of the glowworms and the maturing of the fireflies, who are actually beetles with two pairs of wings and not flies at all.

Now that I am older and wiser, I’ve learned that there are hundreds of species of fireflies and several can often be seen together. I’ve learned that moisture is what is needed to keep them alive, not air holes in the top of a jar. I’ve traveled and studied them and read articles, though I’ll freely admit that bugs are not really my forte.

In the western United States, fireflies are rarely, if ever, seen. It is difficult to imagine a warm summer night with no fireflies, California children growing up without the fireflies to light their way to maturity. In most of the states east of Kansas, however, their flashing dance brings joy to even the most seasoned cynic.

The firefly season is here. Take a moment to watch, to smile, to enjoy the simple pleasures. It is but a season, and like childhood, like life and like magic, it will soon be gone.

Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss
Edited
Posted in Creatures, Environment, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Family Reunion

Posted on June 3, 2017 by Sheila Moss

my familyMy family used to have reunions here in Tennessee. My mother is from a large family and every other year they came from all over the U.S. to get together. Now some people have told me that if their whole family ever got together, it would probably result in a fistfight as so many of them don’t get along. Sometimes grudges are so deep that people don’t even remember why they are feuding.

Our roots go back many years in history to the time when Tennessee was wilderness and not even a state. We all get along with each other, more or less – or at least the ones that don’t get along do not come to reunions. Relatives worry us because they know too much about us. The family knows all of our problems and mistakes.

There seem to be fewer and fewer of us at each reunion. The family tree gets more branches, but as the young twigs become limbs, they are less interested in sharing their acorns. Those that do come are a bit older and their hair a bit whiter each time. There are a few more wrinkles all around too, but other than that, everyone is pretty much the same. We just sit around visiting waiting for the kudzu to grow and cover us.

There are so many descendants in our family that it is probably just as well that they don’t all come as the hall would not hold us. We have a hard time even keeping track of living descendants at this point.

We used to meet in the park with our children and have games and things to do, but now the focus seems to be on food – lots of it. Once it was homemade chicken and dumplings, green beans, new potatoes, and coconut cream pie. Nowadays it is more likely to be Kentucky Fried Chicken and deli potato salad. Home cooking is going out of style and people to eat out more and cook less. I sure do miss banana pudding – but not enough to make one.

Reunions give us a chance to catch up on all the family gossip – who is divorced, who married, who died, who has a new baby, who is sick, and who is pregnant. We also get to talk about the people that didn’t show up and speculate on the real reason why.

Family genealogy has become a big thing lately. Somehow relatives are easier to deal with when they are dead and can’t embarrass us any more. Their misdeeds are merely colorful anecdotes from the past rather than skeletons in the closet. Our family has its share of eccentrics, just as most families probably do – whether we claim them or not.

Watch your purse, as our cousin is a kleptomaniac. Don’t mention the fact that one ancestor was illegitimate and some are alcoholics. Forget all the divorces, especially the recent ones. Sweep it all under the rug and pretend you don’t know. Years from now when our descendants are doing genealogy and there are enough years between now and then to keep association at a respectable distance, they will think of them as only another amusing tale.

Family reunions are tolerable. As far as I’m concerned, anything can be tolerated once every two years. I went mainly because my mother wanted me to, and my kids went because I wanted them to. Even though we groan about having to associate with family that was given to us rather than chosen, imagine how awful it would be to have no extended family. Be sure to take note of how relatives that are too involved with other activities or too important to bother with kin are usually the first to come forward and claim family members that become rich or famous.

All in all, nobody shot anybody else, nobody punched anyone else in the nose, nobody’s purse was stolen, nobody got food poisoning, and nobody became angry or left in tears. I suppose we could say that as family reunions go ours was always a big success.

Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss
Posted in Family, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Suggestions for Summer

Posted on May 28, 2017 by Sheila Moss

beach umbrellaWith winter over and summer on its way, people are beginning to plan exactly how they will spend the long, lazy days and enjoy their favorite season. As usual, I have a few suggestions for you:

EXERCISE:  This is easily accomplished without fuss while mowing grass. Grass, as every one knows, grows one inch per minute in the summer.  That means that if you run as fast as you can while pushing the power mower in front of you, you can finish the yard at least 30 minutes before it is tall enough to mow again.

PICNICS:  Picnics are a wonderful way for the family to spend time together in an unstructured manner.  If you do not have time to prepare a picnic basket, feel free to stop at a fast food place and grab a bag of burgers. Food just tastes better when enjoyed in the fresh air.  The ants, bees, and flies also enjoy eating outside where they can enjoy the food without hazardous obstructions, and they don’t eat very much.

PARKS:  Parks are a favorite way to enjoy the outdoors with a variety of different activities.  There are often hiking trails and playground equipment for the kids.  Be certain to pick up a tube of lineament on the way home to ease the aches from too much walking, Band-Aid’s for the kids knees, and some ointment for mosquito bites.

VACATIONS:  Most people try to plan some time off work during the summer season.  This gives you a wonderful opportunity to enjoy the traffic jams while trying to reach your destination.  Further more, you can spend a fortune to sleep and eat and see numerous interesting sights, such as other tourists doing the same thing. You will have an opportunity to visit destinations far different than your home and to push, shove, and sweat with strangers.

SWIMMING:  This is a favorite activity for summer because it keeps you cool during the heat and provides healthy activity at the same time. Water activities can be great exercise, and you can have fun in the sun while getting a healthy tan.  If you do not have a tan to show off, cover those white legs with a towel and wear a jacket and sun hat and maybe no one will notice. If you do this correctly, only your ankles and the back of your neck will be sunburned.

COOKOUTS:  Different foods are more readily available in the summer months, and a variety of foods can be prepared out of doors. Cooking over a charcoal fire gives food a taste not obtained with other types of cooking.  Be sure to watch the food carefully, and keep your cell phone handy to summon the fire department if the deck catches on fire.  Don’t worry about the charred and dry meat, just slop on the barbecue sauce and eat it anyhow.

CAMPING:  Many families enjoy getting back to basics by spending time living in the great outdoors and enjoying getting back to basics.  Spending the night outside is far more enjoyable, however,  if it is not raining.  In the event of rain, we recommend moving to a motel.  While this is more expensive than camping, it is also much more comfortable than soggy sleeping bags and squishy tennis shoes, which tend to spoil the outdoor experience in a hurry. It also helps immensely with keeping the raccoons out of your food.

SPORTS:  There are many summer sports that can be enjoyed by individuals or as team activities.  If tennis, golf and organized team sports no longer hold your interest, try some of the more extreme sports such as rubber rafting and bungee jumping.  You will have an experience to remember and the hospital bill will be worth every penny.

And there you have it, suggestions for fun ways to spend your summer at home, on the road, or at far away locations.

Have fun…  And be sure to remember to send a postcard so we can see what we missed while setting in front of the TV under the air conditioner complaining about the heat.

Copyright 2005 Sheila Moss
Posted in Humor | 5 Comments

The Sting

Posted on May 20, 2017 by Sheila Moss

waspsI know what you are thinking – a sting is a secret operation of some sort. Nope! This sting was the real McCoy, the kind that comes with an insect on the other end.

It was innocent, really. I simply wanted to hose off the patio with the garden hose, get rid of the dead leaves and stray crabapples that had fallen from the tree and were rolling around looking messy. How was I to know that a nest of wasps had turned my patio light into their own personal condominium?

Summer time, how I love it! Why is it that this seems to be my year for outdoor catastrophe? Maybe I need to check the almanac. Maybe I should just stay indoors for the rest of the season.

“Live and let live,” I always say. I saw them there looking menacing, but I meant them no harm. They didn’t seem angry and I held no animosity toward them.

Well, okay, I did make a mental note to come back later with the aerosol bug spray, but I controlled my evil fantasy and stayed with the task at hand, gently removing the hose from its parking place on the fence. The sun shone, the flowers bloomed, the birds chirped, the wasps buzzed – all seemed right with the world.

Then it happened – the STING! One crazed wasp decided I was the enemy and declared war. YOUCH! This was a “king-size” wasp packing a powerful wallop.

I made a gallant effort to be brave, but I was viciously wounded. And to add insult to injury, this venomous villain attacked and ambushed me from behind. Yes, right on my back side, like a mad Nurse Ratched with a shot of penicillin. It stung my bottom right through clothing and all. I’ve never been so humiliated by a bug in my life!

As long as one is not allergic to stings, there is not a great deal to be done. I didn’t stop breathing, so I presume I’m one of the lucky people who are not allergic to stings. But, the pain – WOW, did it ever smart! Thereafter, the ice pack and a bottle of extra strength Tylenol became my sole source of solitude for a several days.

In recovery, I read up on wasps and found that wasps don’t even give up their lives to sting. With bees, the venom bag is ripped from the abdomen when it stings, causing the insect’s own death. A wasp, on the other hand, assaults, stings, and then goes on its merry way, back to making paper, spreading pollen, or whatever unfathomable reason wasps may have for existing in the world.

And so, I’m suffering along, wearing my red itchy badge of courage in a most embarrassing place.

However, I did get my sinister revenge when eventually I foamed the nest from ten feet away with one of those special insecticide sprays purchased just for this particular pleasure.

Wicked, I know, but one can only be kind to predators for so long. And, in this case, there was not even a remote possibility that I’d turn the other cheek.

Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss
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