Okay, we are going to have another cooking lesson. After last year’s experience, I’m not trying to do deviled eggs. This year the eggs will go straight to the potato salad – no detours.
We will need four boiled eggs for the potato salad. Put these five eggs in a pan and cover them with water. Yes, I said FIVE! In case something unforeseen happens, we will have an extra – in fact, let’s boil six. Our track record with food preparation is not too good.
We will bring them to a boil, then turn down the heat and let them simmer for about fifteen minutes. Easy, huh? It’s is a cinch. If you can boil water, you can make boiled eggs.
Next, we need potatoes, obviously. We can fix them in two different ways, so we need to make a decision here. We can boil them whole with the peelings on, or we can peel and dice them, then cook. No, I don’t like peeling spuds either, so let’s cook them whole. It takes longer, but they will have more vitamins.
We need to fix five cups of potatoes. I don’t know how to measure whole potatoes either. Just guess. Put them in a big pot and cover them with water. Bring them to a boil and let them simmer for about 30 minutes. Yes, the same way you cook eggs, except longer. Put the lid on the pot and they will cook faster
Now we will chop up one cup of onions. I have a nice purple onion which will look pretty. You don’t like onions? Well, it isn’t potato salad without onions. Get over it.
Onions are easy to peel.. Use a sharp knife and cut them crosswise then slice them to make small pieces. Sniff, this onion sure is strong. Just keep chopping! Sob! This is the strongest onion I’ve ever seen. Boohoo! Hand me a paper towel. Sob! Sniff! Did I mention that chopping onions might make your eyes burn?
Are you watching the potatoes? They are boiling over. Get them off the heat! What a mess! Didn’t I mention that potatoes boil over easily? Okay, put them back and leave the lid cracked for the steam to come out. Good grief. Can’t you even boil water?
Now, the recipe calls for celery seed, but I like real celery. It’s that green tasteless stuff that people eat on a diet. Chop the celery to make about a cupful. Be careful. OUCH! The knife slipped! I better get a bandage before I bleed in the food.
Are the potatoes tender when you test them with a fork? Take them off the heat and pour out the water. Watch the steam, you can get burned. YOWEE! See what I mean? Now let’s peel the potatoes. After cooking we can peel and dice them easily. OUCH! My hand, I CUT my hand! Not again!
What was that noise? The EGGS! You let the eggs boil dry? Look at that. It blew up! I didn’t know eggs would do that. Well, they are done enough. Put them in cold water to cool. Now we need to peel them. Start at the big end and they will peel easier. Don’t worry about the part that sticks to the shell. Help me out here. I’m injured.
Okay, all we have left to do is mix it. Put the potatoes, onions, and celery in a big bowl. Add 2 teaspoons of sugar and 2 of vinegar. I know one is sweet and one is sour. No, it won’t explode. Don’t question the recipes.
Stir in 1 ½ cups of mayonnaise. We forgot the stupid eggs. Chop them and crumble up the yokes. Potato salad expands when you mix it. Get a bigger bowl.
Well, it turned out okay for a change. You can sprinkle it with a dash of ground cayenne pepper to make it look pretty. The lid came off? How? Oh no! All the pepper fell in, huh? Well, maybe we can just call it Cajun potato salad.
I’m going to the emergency room to get my hand sewn up. Clean up these pots and pans. This kitchen is a disaster. It looks like we had a food fight. What ever you do, don’t try to cook anything while I’m gone.
Next time we will make coleslaw, something with no cooking involved.
Copyright 2002 Sheila Moss
I suppose you readers have a better recipe? Okay, let’s have it! Hopefully, it does not include onions.
The first and most important part of deep-sea fishing is that you must be at the sea. If you live within driving distance, that is not a problem. We inlanders must limit our deep-sea experiences to vacations. While most ladies will be content to simply lounge on the beach and pretend they went fishing, the men and a few purists will insist on actually fishing. It does add a bit of excitement to a vacation.
Spring is here and my wardrobe is sadly lacking, in fact, almost non-existent due to the extra pounds put on during the winter while wearing bulky sweaters. I am so tired of pinning skirts shut because the buttons don’t quite reach and spending the day trying not to breathe because a button or seam might pop. So, I go shopping.
Oh, look, squirrels! Aren’t they cute? City dwellers don’t see a lot of wildlife, so even the sight of so mundane a creature as a gray squirrel in a city park is reason for a mild excitement of sorts. They scamper about chattering and scavenging for food – charming little critters. Touched by their plight, we throw them a few cold French-fries from the last scraps of our fast-food picnic dinner
Perhaps you have heard the old saying that nothing can be certain except death and taxes? A few years ago I received a notice that I owed taxes to the State of Tennessee. It was not even the end of January and tax collectors were coming around already?
A former controversy in metro was whether or not the Ten Commandments should be posted in public buildings. Now most people probably figured the question of separation of church and state was pretty much resolved a long time ago, but I live in Tennessee, after all, where the question of teaching evolution is still controversial in some circles.
While most women want something romantic and nice for Valentine’s Day, my expectations are considerably lower. What I would really like is a nice dinner out somewhere, some place that has waiters and dim lights and where you don’t have to drive-thru and yell your order into a speaker.
Someone was bringing cinnamon raisin bagels to the office and toasting them in the office toaster. Every morning I distinctly smelled the aroma of cinnamon drifting around the corner and into my cubicle. Don’t they know that office workers are always starving to death and the smell of cinnamon is enough to turn us into raving maniacs, ready to attack and tear a bagel to bits?
Do you have junk around the house that you want to get rid of? Does the trash man refuse to take it because it is too big to fit in the trashcan?
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