When You’ve Gotta Glow

3 glowing pigs

I read an article in the paper about some scientists in Taiwan who had biogenetically engineered three green pigs that glow in the dark. Apparently this was big news at the time, but some of us are a bit slow finding out about it.

I knew about the glofish that were being sold as neon glow-in-the-dark pets. However, it seems there are now all sorts of glowing animals. An artist has created a glowing bunny and there are also glowing mice that have been genetically changed.

Scientists do this by taking genes from jellyfish, which glow naturally, and inserting them into the fertilized egg of the animal they are trying to reproduce. Sometimes it works and sometimes not, but in the case of the pigs, it worked at least three times.

Of course, the way the human mind operates is to instantly jump to the conclusion that the next thing will be a green glow-in-the-dark human. We have seen too many mad scientists in science fiction movies to think otherwise.

If we could engineer babies to glow pink and blue, it might be more appealing. Of course, I suppose there would always be those people who think that pink and blue babies are gender biased though and would insist on having a yellow glo-baby instead.

The point of all this genetic engineering is supposed to be the study of stem cells and disease and the ability to trace a glowing cell in the body much easier than would be possible otherwise. Scientists assure us that creation of Franken-babies is not the goal of their research.

What would be the advantages of glow-in-the-dark babies anyhow? Mothers would not have to turn on a nightlight for the 2:00 o’clock feeding. As far as adult humans, I can’t think of many advantages. Criminals would have a harder time committing crimes if they could be easily seen, but police would have a harder time sneaking up and catching them in the act too.

It is supposed that when two genetically altered green pigs mate, the offspring will also glow without further human intervention. But what about when pink and blue adults have children? Would the offspring be pink if girls and blue if boys or some weird combination of both that might make them purple? The trouble with this whole thing is that we really are not sure what might result.

Probably you think I’m just making an inductive leap here and that biogenetic  engineering on humans is not in the future. But scientists have tried to produce a green monkey already, which is the animal most genetically similar to man. Maybe the little green men of science fiction fame are not as far-fetched as they seem to be.

It is sort of the opposite of the repressed desire of people to become invisible. Instead people would always be visible, even at night. It would be hell if we re-engineered nocturnal creatures that depend on hunting at night to camouflage them from their prey. However, the cat could no longer run off at night and refuse to come inside.

If jellyfish or ocean creatures occur in enough different colors, people might be able to choose designer colors for their offspring, creating a whole new breed of humans. Imagine a nightclub full of people all dancing and glowing in different colors.

Other than for novelty and amusement, I can’t really see much point in making a green human. But, if it can be done and the technology is there, you can be pretty sure that sooner or later it is going to happen, regardless of complaints about the moral implications. Fears of a “brave new world” might become realities.

Pick a favorite color, just in case you need one.

Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Posted in Humor, Technology | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Please Help the Babysitter

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My grandaughter came to visit last week. She is five months old, a cute little bundle in pink crawlers with enough black hair that we can cut it soon and sell it to the hair-club for bald babies.

My daughter had some errands to do, and grandmothers, of course, are forever-willing babysitters for adorable grandchildren who look at them and smile with two white teeth and black eyes the size of saucers.

It is not until mom is out of the driveway that grandchildren show their true colors. The instant baby realized that mommy was gone, she looked at her smiling grandma as if she was a reincarnation of Attila the Hun.

A blood-curdling scream emitted from her with a magnitude of 3.5 on the rector scale. “Oh, isn’t that cute? She misses her mommy!” It was amusing for about 3 whole minutes when the sound waves began to penetrate my brain and melt it into a puddle of plasma.

I tried to distract her with the dancing Hokey Pokey toy that made her laugh and nearly jump out of her diaper when mommy was here.

“You put your arm in and you shake it all about!”

“Wah!”

“You do the Hokey Pokey and your turn yourself around”

“Wah!”

“And that’s what it’s all about.”

“WAAAAH!”

Well, that may be what it’s all about in Hokey Pokey Land, but in grandma’s living room what it was all about was screaming like an opera soprano hitting a “high C”. Who needs an iPod to make you deaf when you have a baby?

Nothing I could do would turn off my little high fidelity sound machine. We rocked, we read books, we rattled rattles, we sang songs, and we changed diapers that were not even wet.

It became apparent that baby was going to scream until mommy returned or the baby passed out from exhaustion, whichever came first. I warmed a bottle and popped it into baby’s mouth like a cork. Finally, she fell asleep exhausted and napped for a blissful 30 minutes.

The eye of the hurricane was past, but when she woke up, the screams started again from the other direction. We bounced, we did more Hokey Pokey, we played musical ABC’s, we read the 1-2-3 Book, and we played every musical tune in the Baby Einstein top ten.

She actually liked the musical toys. Sometimes she would laugh and cry at the same time. That’s a neat trick. I wish I could learn how to do it. I was afraid she would make herself sick crying, but she only got the hiccups — another good reason to scream.

Finally, “The clock struck 6:00; the mouse ran down; Hickory, Dickory, Dock.” It was time to take her home. It took me 30 minutes to figure out how the car seat worked and another 30 to pack up all the baby gear that modern babies need to reinforce their hysteria. But the instant we hit the road, she passed out cold and the concert ended before the car got out of the driveway.

By the time we got to my daughter’s house, baby pink pants was wide-eyed and all giggles. She smiled at her mommy, practically leaped into her arms, and looked at me as if I was a demented terrorist kidnapper who had been foiled.

All the books say that there is no such thing as spoiling a baby. It’s called “separation anxiety.” I suspect it’s the same symptom by a different name. Something is basically wrong here, though. I thought it was a Grandma’s job to spoil the baby rotten and then let mommy deal with it.

Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Previously published as
“The Babysitter”

 

Posted in Family, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Make Green Stuff, Mom

Well, it’s done, the annual making of the green stuff for the holiday. I always put it off until the last day and then wonder why I didn’t do it sooner.

“I am not cooking this year,” I told my family. “I am buying a turkey breast and all the trimmings already prepared.” We were eating out, but the more I thought about it, the less it seemed like a good idea.

“Mom, can you at least make the green stuff,” asked my son? My tribe does not like cranberry sauce and always wants a Jello concoction we call “the green stuff” for the lack of a better name. It’s a tradition.

In spite of past cooking disasters, I agreed. I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought the ingredients, which I know by heart after making it for 50 years. Now get out of my way. You can watch, but do not make a peep until I’m done.

First, I opened everything and got it ready to use. I know what happens when I am elbow deep in sticky stuff and have to stop to open Jello.

Second, I whipped the whipping cream. “D*** that stuff takes a long time to get stiff.” Meanwhile, the mixer is spattering it on the wall, on the cabinet, on the cat and in my hair.

Third, I melted the marshmallows using the microwave. I used my largest dish, the one that barely fits when the door is closed.

Marshmallows swell when they get warm, so I stirred them down. I stirred them down again and again and again until I decide they are melted enough. A few lumps won’t matter. I can clean up the sticky stuff in the microwave later.

I try to mix in dry Jello but the marshmallows stick to the spatula, so I decide to use the mixer. The marshmallow climbs up the beaters and I have to add the juice from the pineapple to make the Jello disolve.

Finally, I added the cream cheese. “Oh no! It’s the wrong kind.” I must have picked up the low-fat kind by mistake. Well, too bad, it will have to do.

When mixed, I stirred in a can of crushed pineapple. One year I tried to use the mixer for this and the pineapple disappeared. I still don’t know where it went.

Last, I folded the green stuff into the whipping cream and it was done. ‘No, wait. That bowl is not big enough.” So, I found another bowl and poured it all into that. “Ugh! The mixer cord is in the marshmallow.”

I poured the mixture into a shallow plastic container. One year I used a deep one and all the pineapple all went to the bottom. I put it into the refrigerator and only spilled a little bit.

I am sticking to the floor, but that’s another tradition. All done, and it wasn’t nearly as bad this time as it sometimes is. The smoke alarm didn’t go off and I only cursed once.

After I put the sticky dishes the dishwasher, wipe the cabinet tops and backsplash, clean the marshmallow off the mixer, clean the microwave and mop the floor, I am finished except for taking a shower and washing my hair.

All I have to do now is complain to my friends on Facebook who will understand and click smiley faces. Others will probably make snide comments saying, “If you hate it so much, why do you do it?”

That’s a good question…

©Sheila Moss 2018

Posted in Food, Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Take Time to be Thankful

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With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it’s time to start thinking of a few things other than turkey that we are thankful for. Since you probably know but just have trouble remembering, here is a small list of thoughts to put us all in the mood:

Be thankful when you are feeling down, someone else is always worse off than you are.

Be thankful for small things to worry about, they give us practice for the big stuff.

Be thankful if getting old and fat is the worse thing that you have to worry about.

Be thankful for laughter and for the things you are laughing about.

Be thankful we don’t have to pay for sunrises or sunsets as we could never afford one.

Be thankful for having too much work to do, that’s job insurance.

Be thankful you are free to vote your choice… even when your choice is a loser.

Be thankful for friends that are aggravating. They probably feel the same way about you.

Be thankful for uncertainty as it gives you more time to make a decision.

Be thankful that when you make a mistake that you can always blame someone else… or the dog.

Be thankful that if you don’t have time to wait, you can wait until you have more time.

Be thankful when someone says you are wrong. It gives you a chance to prove otherwise.

Be thankful that you have right to say what you think, especially when what you think isn’t worth saying.

Be thankful that the best things in life are free. This gives you more cash to spend on the second best things.

Be thankful that if you can’t avoid making a mistake, you can at least avoid repeating it.

Be thankful that there are always things to smile about – even if you sometimes forget what they are.

Be thankful for needs that are met, especially when they are met in way different than what you expected.

Be thankful for finishing last because you have the opportunity to do better the next time.

Be thankful for sticky stuff, greasy spots, and cat hair — they help us remember nothing is perfect.

Be thankful for stress – it motivates us to make changes.

Be thankful there is always enough blame to go around, so you can share it if you need to.

Be thankful for the fast lane… it gets the people that are speeding off your bumper.

Be thankful to see things as they might be instead of the way they are.

Be thankful for animals… they help us to remember that we are human.

Be thankful we don’t always get what we deserve, as what we deserve may be worse than what we have.

Be thankful that when you’ve seen it all and done it all that you don’t have do it again.

© Sheila Moss 2004
Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Clean Up, Spruce Up, Fix Up

person washing his hand

Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

Winter is here. Time to clean up, spruce up, fix up before the holidays. I don’t want to remodel the entire house but I just can’t seem to help myself. No matter how much I argue, the adrenaline seems to take over and I find myself working like my mother-in-law is coming to visit.

Adrenaline: Go to the store and buy supplies.

Self: I don’t want to fix anything!

Adrenaline: You heard me! GO!

Self: Well, maybe I can get some paintbrushes and caulk for the bathroom.

Adrenaline: And then find the paint and touch up the walls.

Self: I am sort of getting used to the “distressed” look.

Adrenaline: That’s for furniture – not the living room wall.

Self: Oh.

Adrenaline: I thought I told you last week to chip out all the cracked caulking in the bathroom.

SELF: I did, but I was too tired to finish the job.

Adrenaline: So, its just sitting there half done – when do plan to finish it? And what about the painting?

SELF: Paint is messy and I really don’t want to get into something like that until I can finish the entire house at one time.

Adrenaline : The outside of the house needs some work too. Those shutters could use a new coat of paint.

Self: Yes, yes, I know. Couldn’t I just hire that done?

Adrenaline: Pay? For something you can do yourself?

SELF: But, everything in the living room needs to be moved around for that stupid TV  we bought. Pictures will be in the wrong place. I’ll have to touch all that up too. I don’t know why I ever got into this.

Adrenaline: The more you get done now, the less to do later.

Self: I really would rather take a nap.

Adrenaline: And what will you do when the house falls in from neglect? Nap?

Self: Okay, okay, but that stupid hutch is full of dishes. I’ll have to take those out before I can move it.

Adrenaline: So??

Self: I can see it now. My entire weekend shot. I won’t have time for my regular schedule due to all the extra stuff, and next week I’ll be further behind than ever.

Adrenaline: Excuses, excuses, excuses. Are you taking your vitamins?

SELF: NO! I don’t have time to take vitamins! I’m too busy painting and moving furniture!

Adrenaline: Calm down, it will all be done eventually, and just think how nice it will look.

Self: I’m thinking about all the work involved.

Adrenaline: These living room curtains are a bit drab. Don’t you have some others upstairs? You’ve been meaning to bring those down for years and never have.

Self: I’ll have to buy different rods and put those up first.

Adrenaline: Well, after you move stuff into the living room, you will spend more time there. If you really want to look at those stupid curtains for the rest of your life go ahead!

Self: I wonder what I did with the electric drill the last time I used it?

Adrenaline: I was just thinking. Do you know how to hang wallpaper? The bathroom is really getting bad.

Self: I swore I’d never try to hang wallpaper again. The last time I tried, I was saying “sailor words” before I got done.

Adrenaline: Pity, if you were not so resistant you could really fix things up around here. Did you notice the paint on the patio table is chipped? You really need to do something about that too.

Self: You are killing me!.

Adrenaline: Shut up! Women are supposed to spruce up and fix up before a holiday. It’s traditional.

Self: If it wasn’t for you maybe I could get some rest.

Adrenaline: Don’t blame me. I’m only doing my job. If it wasn’t for me, nothing would get done around here.

Adrenaline: No one has ever died from fix-up fever.

Self: What about an adrenaline overdose?

Copyright 2006 SheilaMoss
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Buying a New Desk

books notebook macbook table

Photo by Caio Resende on Pexels.com

On Sunday morning my honey and I have developed the habit of going to the local pancake house for breakfast. This past Sunday was as usual, so we found ourselves headed down the road to the pancake place.

I need to mention that we had been looking for a computer desk for several weeks, but hadn’t found one yet.

“We could go look for the desk after we eat since we are already out,” suggested my honey.

I had already figured on this and brought my checkbook.

“I also need a few things,” he added. “I need speaker wire, a breaker bar, and a light bulb.” We could get that stuff at any Wal-Mart any time, I thought.

“We need to shop for the desk first because it will take more time,” I pointed out. He agreed, but I knew he really was more interested in speaker wire than a desk.

We got to the pancake house, which is always busy, and put our name on the waiting list. While we were waiting for a table, he mused, “I could run over to the office supply store and get a breaker bar while we are waiting.”

I couldn’t believe it, but he left me setting there and went to the office supply store. I decided if they called our name, I would go in and eat and he would just miss out. Fortunately for him, he made it back in time.

After eating, we went to the furniture store – well, actually, to two furniture stores. For some reason he has to look in every store in town before buying.

They didn’t have what we wanted at the first store, which was what I figured. We then went to another furniture store, a chain store just like two other stores we had already been to on other days, not to mention the four additional furniture stores we had browsed.

He finally found a desk that he liked. It was the exact same desk I had picked out the first day at the first store.

After the deal was done, he decided to look for an electronics store to buy his wire. That figures. A storm was coming up, but I knew he would not be satisfied until he got the wire. So we drove around in the traffic and pouring rain until we found an electronics store.

“Are you going in?” he asked

To buy a spool of wire? “No, I’ll just wait here.”

I thought he would be happy after that, but I should have known better. He still needed the light bulb.

“Can’t you just get one at Wal-Mart?” I asked. It was still pouring rain and bolts of lightening were flashing.

“That delivery guy broke the bulb the other day. The store will replace it.” So, we drove 25 miles in the rain to get a free light bulb. I was getting pretty aggravated.

Then he decided that we really should have purchased the hutch that went with the desk.

“I want to go home!” I said.

“Okay, I’ll take you home and go back by myself. But we could just go by on the way home.” Except it wasn’t on the way home; it was in a different direction.

I gave up.

We drove all the way back to the furniture store in the middle of a storm.

I suppose I should quit complaining and just be happy that we are done shopping. At least I didn’t have to go to five different Wal-Marts looking for the right kind of light bulb.

Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Previously published as
The Wire, Breaker Bar and Light Bulb
Posted in Home, Humor, Shopping | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Finding German Roots

Not humor but an interesting story from http://BlueDanbueBlog.com

Sheila Moss's avatarBlogging the Blue Danube

Dachau entrance

My partner, Morris, was born in Germany, but came to the U.S. with his parents as an infant when they immigrated. Ever since I’ve known him, he has wanted to see where he was born (Föhrenwald, Wolfratshausen, Bavaria, Germany) now called “Waldram.” This is his story, not mine. He should be the one telling it, but I doubt he ever will, at least not on the Internet.

His parents were Jewish and fled all over Europe trying to escape the Nazis during World War II. They were successful in evading capture and were in a displaced persons camp near Munich when the war ended. When they had an opportunity to come to American and escape war-torn Europe, they took it and moved to Pittsburgh. There they raised Morris and his two younger brothers that were born after moving to the U.S.

His mother was Ukrainian, his father Polish. We were…

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Better Late than Later

I am being done in by the mundane things of life, those little home repair jobs that are so unimportant that I can never get around to them. It is easier to put up with the minor inconvenience than take the extra time to fix things. Finally, these chores have begun to accumulate to the point that I am starting to worry about being buried under a pile of procrastinated tasks.

The other day I stuck my head out of the pile of undone chores and looked around like a chipmunk.

“Are you going to do the chores?” I asked my man hopefully.

“No, I need a day to recover from watching football.”

That figures!

But, I’m the handy person of the home, anyhow. Superwoman! That’s me! So, I decide to take a day for chores. It will be the perfect time to catch up on those little aggravating “do it yourself” jobs.

Most of the really bad stuff, as it turns out, is outside. Outside chores pile up in the late fall because, well, because it’s cold outside. So, I dressed in my superwoman insulated underwear and got ready to work.

First on my list is the garage window, which is falling off and making the house look like it’s haunted. Somehow the storm window came loose, the screen fell out and the glass window came out of the frame. Not a big deal for a superwoman, only a matter of putting it all back together again and putting in a screw in to hold the frame tight. After an hour of tugging, fitting, and sliding, I finally managed to fix it. That’s one down for superwoman.

Next is my weird holly bush with long shoots sprouting out of the top that make the whole thing look overgrown. It’s just a matter of getting out the ladder and trimming off a few wild branches to tame it down until spring. I hate this task because holly is thorny and I always get scratched. This time is no exception. I thought superwoman was bullet proof, not to mention thorn proof, but apparently not.

Then there is that dead flowerpot sitting by the back door creating an eyesore ever since cold weather killed the flowers. Superwoman picks it up and it breaks in her hands, falling to the patio and shattering into a million pieces. Probably her super strength. Well, that takes care of the flowerpot. Now all I have to do is sweep up the mess right away before having a chance to procrastinate again.

Dead leaves have blown up and settled around the back door to my house. I am sick and tired of wading through wet leaves to get inside the house. I don’t really know where they come from since the trees were long ago bare, but I rake them up. Superwoman does not have a leaf blower or it would be much easier.

By the time I finish bagging the trash, I am exhausted and half-frozen. My super powers are beginning to get out of whack. I forgot to change the light bulb by the front door, which has burned out and is making the house look one-eyed. There is also the torn screen on a bedroom window. I take the screen as far as the hardware store, where it stays to be fixed.

So, that pretty much takes care of the chores. Trouble is things never really get caught up when you have a house. I noticed that the windowsills need a paint touch-up, the shutters are faded, and there are small tree branches that have blown down and need to be picked up so the lawn can be mowed next spring. The weeds are starting to sprout again too.

A superwoman’s work is never done – which is yet another good reason to put off doing things until later.

Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Posted in Home, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Plumber

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I really hate dealing with service people, but there comes a time in the course of home ownership when one must have repairs done, like it or not. In my recent situation, it was the plumbing needing attention.

I thought by now that everything that could leak had leaked, and everything that needed replacing had been replaced. But that seems not to be the case with a home that is growing old. It is unending.

Water has been seeping from under the shower for a while. I tried ignoring it. I tried soaking it up with a towel. No use, it is probably leaking between the walls. Water leaks cannot be ignored forever. Time to call the inevitable plumber.

Service people never show up when they say they will. They always get tied up on another job and call to say they will be there later, or tomorrow, or whenever the mood suits them. Usually this is after I’ve taken the day off work to be there.

Things started out well with this plumber, however, when he said he would be there at 10 and showed up at only 11:30. He turned out to be the talkative type. He tried to sell me their long-term service plan. I really just wanted him to fix the leak and leave.

He looked at the leak and decided it was not coming from between the walls, it was leaking under the shower door. I didn’t think so, but what could I do? “I’ve been a plumber for 14 years, mam, and I see this all the time.” Do I insist on having the wall torn out for no reason? Of course not.

We had also noticed a shortage of hot water lately. I figured since he was already here, I might as well get that checked out too. “When we take a shower, there is never enough hot water.”

His eyes lit up. That figures. They would rather work on something they understand than a mysterious leak. He proceeded to explain to me how water heaters work, how they have magnesium rods to keep them from corroding and how a tube carries the cold water to the bottom of the tank.

Who cares? Just fix it, I thought. So he pulled the magnesium rod and it was nearly eaten up with corrosion. Then he tried to pull the cold-water tube and it was too corroded to repair. “Mam, you need a new hot water heater — or I can put this one back together if you want to wait until it goes out completely.”

He proceeded to show me the corroded parts and the calcium deposits and to explain the realities of making hot water. Eventually I ended up purchasing a new hot water heater. Of course, he gave me a fabulous deal and a 50-gallon tank for the price of a 40-gallon one.

He was happy as a lark putting in the new one. This is something a plumber was born to do. He called me out to the garage two or three times to see what he was doing and to explain. As if I cared, just fix it, I thought. I tried to seem interested, but what I was really interested in was how to pay the bill.

“What about the leaking shower?”

“I’ll put some caulk around the shower door, mam, that should take care of it. No extra charge. We will take the price of the service call off the total too and there is a discount coupon in the yellow pages if you want to use that.”

I can’t figure out why I’m so broke with all the money I saved getting my leak fixed. But at least I have 50 gallons of hot water. I think I will go take a shower now and see if that leak is still there.

It better not be. If it is, I will not need a plumber. I will need a hit man. I wonder if there is a discount coupon in the yellow pages for that?

Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
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Empty-Nest Syndrome

close up photography of bird nest

Photo by Evelyn on Pexels.com

Mothers sometimes complain that adult children abandon them after they grow up and leave the nest. Empty-nest mothers feel as if the children no longer care. They want to know whether the children still love them.

Here is a simple test to help mothers know the score.

Regardless of how hard it is, do NOT call or contact your adult child for one week, but wait to let her or him contact you first. Subtract 1 point for each day that passes without a call or visit. If you give in and call the child, subtract 10 points.

Positive _____ Negative _____

Call up your adult child on the phone and say, “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to lend you any more money. Ever.” If the child says, “That’s okay, mom, you’ve done more than enough already,” give yourself 1 point.

Positive _____ Negative _____

Visit your local hospital and call the adult child. Say: “I’m calling from the hospital. Can you get over here right away?” Hang up. Give yourself 1 point if the child is there within an hour.

Positive _____ Negative _____

Invite your adult child to come over for dinner. When the child arrives, say something else came up and you didn’t have time to cook. If the child offers to take you out to eat, 1 point. If it’s fast food or no food, subtract 1.

Positive _____ Negative _____

Ask your adult child to take you to your next medical appointment. On the way home, ask her or him to stop at the pharmacy, the grocery store, and the dry cleaners. If the child complains, subtract 1 point. If he or she offers to take you to the doctor again next time, add 1 point and thank your lucky stars.

Positive _____ Negative _____

The next time you see your adult child, give him or her twenty dollars. If she or he keeps it, subtract 1 point. If she or he says, “I don’t need your money, Mom.” Give yourself 1 point. If he or she offers to give YOU money, add 10 bonus points. (Of course, this will never happen.)

Positive _____ Negative _____

Call your adult child and say that you need help with mowing the grass, painting a room, cleaning carpets, or washing the car. If the child agrees to help, add 1 point. If the child makes an excuse, subtract 1 point.

Positive _____ Negative _____

Send the adult child a card on their birthday. If she or he calls to thank you, add 1 point. If the child actually remembers your birthday or even Mother’s Day, add 1 more point.

Positive _____ Negative _____

Ask your adult child to go to church with you. If he or she goes, add 1 point. If he or she says he will go, but doesn’t show up, subtract 1 point. (But you should have known that this would happen.)

Positive _____ Negative _____

If the adult child calls you for any reason except to borrow money or baby-sit, add 1 point. If the child visits any time except on a holiday, give yourself 1 more point.

Positive _____ Negative _____

If the adult child has a picture of you displayed in her or his home, add 1 point. Subtract 1 point for every picture of the child or grandchildren that you have displayed in your home.

Positive _____ Negative _____

If the adult child never borrows money from you, add 1 point. If the child borrows, but only for emergencies, subtract 1 point regardless since everything is an emergency to children. If the adult child pays back the money they borrow, add 10 bonus points. This is not likely, but we won’t give up hope.

Positive _____ Negative _____

TOTAL _____ TOTAL _____

SCORING

If you ended up with more points that are positive, the child loves you, but it’s time to cut the apron strings.

If you end up with the more points on the negative side, you are being neglected, and can continue nagging.

If you didn’t bother to keep score, count your blessings and quit whining. Your kids are grown and your work is done.

Copyright 2006 Sheila Moss
Posted in Family, Humor, Rants | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments