Humor Columnist Blog

Laugh, Laugh, Laugh

Posted on April 1, 2016 by Sheila Moss

clown April 1st is April Fools’ Day. Do you play pranks on anyone? Are you afraid of what people might think, or are you just not the type to play jokes? Try looking up some famous jokes that others have played for a guaranteed laugh or two.

womaneyes Did you know that April is also National Humor Month? Obviously, you are a person who enjoys humor or you wouldn’t be reading this article. A little laughter goes a long way toward relaxing your mind and body. The effects of a good laugh last up to 45 minutes and can lower your blood pressure. I don’t know about you, but my blood pressure needs all the help it can get.

Can you believe people who have heart disease are 40 percent less likely to laugh at funny situations than those without heart problems? Maybe laughter really is the best medicine. Laughter should be thought of as heart-friendly, better than a low-fat and low-carb diet, or at least another method to improve your health.

funnycat Experts who study this sort of thing say stress is reduced within minutes when you laugh. Notice how a stressful situation is relieved when someone makes a joke. Everyone laughs and relaxes. Laughter helps give you a positive attitude and feelings of happiness. You feel better when you laugh a lot and others feel more comfortable. Wouldn’t you rather be around someone who is funny and has a positive attitude than someone who does nothing but complain and criticize?

Laughter reduces wrinkles and makes you look younger. That alone is enough reason for me to work in as many laughs a day as possible. Ever notice old people with frowns permanently frozen into wrinkled faces? When I get old, I want my wrinkles to be smile lines instead of frown lines.

Here are a few ideas to help you get started laughing:

* Look for funny videos on YouTube and post them on Facebook.
* Download a comedy movie to watch or watch one on TV.
* Look for books of cartoons on Amazon or at the library.
* Spend time with friends who make you laugh.
* Write your own funny captions for cartoons or family photos.
* Act goofy or make a face in the mirror.
* Put a funny screensaver on your computer.
* Play a silly joke on your kids or friends.
* Subscribe to joke lists and humor columns.
* Recall a funny situation or embarrassing moment and share it.

groucho It may seem a bit silly to seek opportunities to laugh, but why not if laughter is good for you? You are improving your health and well being and having fun at the same time. Laughter relieves tension and helps pain. Laughter is a workout for your heart, diaphragm, and facial muscles. It improves your attitude. Laughing and learning to appreciate humor will improve your social relationships.

Some people have suggested taking time to deliberately try to laugh as an exercise. Take a deep breath and say “ha, ha, ha” as many times as possible. The forced laughter will soon become the real thing, especially if done in a group.

Accept that you don’t have to have a reason to laugh and just laugh. Learn to laugh at yourself and your own short-comings. Being a happy person is sometimes a matter of choice. Make a choice to have a positive attitude and to be a happy person. It can make you live longer and help you enjoy the life that have.

Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged April Fools, Attitude, Funny, Ha Ha, Happy, Heart Disease, Jokes, Laugh, laughter, Pranks, Smile | 1 Comment

Season for Sneezin’

Posted on March 31, 2016 by Sheila Moss

sneeze_woman

Spring is a time of flowers, trees, soft breezes and – POLLEN! To those that suffer from seasonal allergy, spring is a time of torment – stuffy noses, sneezing and itchy eyes.

Yes, I’m one of thos crazy people who runs around closing windows and who sits by the air conditioner sneezing while everyone else is out enjoying green grass and soaking up the warm breezes.

I’m not alone. Over 40 million people suffer from environmental allergies. We watch pollen counts like ball players watch the weather, and sometimes drastically alter our lifestyle to live around our misery.

As you have probably figured out by now, spring allergies are caused mostly by pollen, natural plant spores from flowering plants. Pollen from regular garden flowers is not really the problem since it is heavy pollen and is spread by bees that don’t have allergies and seldom sneeze.

The problem plants for us are things like grass, trees, weeds and wildflowers whose pollen is lighter and is spread by the wind instead of bees. Once it becomes airborne, pollen is literally everywhere there is air, unless you live in a desert or on a beach where few pollinating plants grow.
.
When an allergic person breathes air with pollen, the body senses the pollen as an alien invasion and sends out a red alert. To wage war on these sinister invaders, the body creates antibodies, which cause a chain reaction resulting in release of the “histamine” that cause the irritation and sneezing. That’s why so many anti-allergy medicines are called “antihistamines.”

Symptoms of allergy are similar to those of the common cold. Remember how stuffed up, tired and congested you were the last time you had a miserable cold? Then you know why allergic people are such fanatics about clean air. A big difference between a cold and allergy is that you usually have a fever with a cold. Also, a cold has the common courtesy to go away after a week or two.

Allergies used to go untreated and were mostly simply ignored. People sometimes tried to self-treat their symptoms with medicines from the drugstore shelf. Many people probably still suffer needlessly instead of going to the doctor – they may think that they just sneeze a lot or that nothing will help their sinus problems.

Allergy may now be treated with newer allergy medications. There are also steroid sprays and other anti-inflammatory sprays and medicines that help with inflammation. I take allergy shots, medicine specially prepared for my particular needs. Yes, it’s inconvenient to have to go to the doctor weekly to get stuck with a needle – but it’s also inconvenient to be sick all the time.

The idea of the injections is to help to build your resistance to the allergens so that eventually your body will quit hitting the panic button when it senses pollen.

Now, I hope all this stuff means nothing to you, and you can’t figure out what the fuss is about over a bit of flower dust. But chances are someone you know suffers from seasonal allergy. Spring pollens are but one of the common allergens. There are also mold and mildew spores that can become airborne, and this is not to even mention the fall pollens and hay fever, or indoor irritants – house and pet dander being principle among them. So, you see why people need different medications according to their particular sensitivity.

And so those with the annoyance of seasonal allergies press bravely on, sniffling and sneezing all the way. Tomorrow I plan to brave the elements to do a bit of yard work. It rained today and the pollen count should be lower, especially in the middle of the day. That’s my theory anyway.

It’s a great spring, and I intend to get out and enjoy it – just as soon as I blow my nose.

Posted in Health, Humor | Tagged Airborne pollen, Allergens, Allergies, Allergy, Anti-inflammatory, Cold symptoms, Histamine, Pollen, Pollen count, Sensitivity, Sneezing, Spring allergies | 5 Comments

Time Out

Posted on March 30, 2016 by Sheila Moss

books

Oh, joy! My grandson has gone home. So, why do I feel as if he is still here? I hear a noise and think it is the door, and that he is running in and out of the house again. Then I remember it can’t be him because he went home yesterday.

There are fingerprints on the glass in the storm door. I could have sworn it was clean. I wipe them off and turn quickly to make sure they do not magically reappear, like they do when he’s around.

My feet stick to the floor as I walk across the kitchen and I remember how he spilled juice the other day. I though I had mopped it all up, but I must have missed part of it. Little reminders help me remember that he was here.

I find a forgotten toy. Only yesterday blocks created castles, tiny cars lined up to make a parking lot, and dinosaurs stalked the living room. Today there is only one forgotten car lost under the edge of a chair. The house is toycar a house again.

The cat has returned from her hiding place under the bed, behind the desk, on top of the hutch, or wherever it is she goes to escape the terror of being hugged to death by a five year old. When my grandson is here, we nearly forget we have a cat.

The house is strangely quiet. When he is around the noise never ceases, at least until he is asleep. He talks, asks questions by the dozens, and on the rare occasions when he cannot think of something to say, he just makes noise. A whistle, a hum, a squeal or an unidentified sound from the back of the throat will do – as long as it’s a noise.

The television set is still turned to his favorite cartoon channel. I watch the Rug Rats, before I realize that I don’t have to watch cartoons because he isn’t here. I quickly change the channel. Thank goodness, I can watch what I want to now!

His shoes are by the door where he abandoned them, choosing to run around in sock feet. He isn’t really gone. The house is so full of the child’s possessions that it takes a while for him to go away entirely, even when he is not here.

My refrigerator is well stocked with fruity-flavored drinks. The box of chocolate breakfast cereal bars is empty. But what will I do with the extra milk in the fridge? I only drink 2% milk myself. How strange to know that I can fix adult food again instead of hot dogs and potato chips with ketchup.

The disk with his favorite computer game is still in the computer. Thank goodness he didn’t try to remove it without remembering to exit first again. I wipe fingerprints from the screen and clean the sticky keyboard. Why does he get everything so sticky? It’s because he is five years old, of course. What other reason do I need?

Laughter floats in from another room, but it is only the television set. It’s nice to be able to relax, not to have to worry about whether he is splashing water in the bathroom, sneaking cheese for the dog, or climbing on the backs of furniture. Yes, it really is nice to have my calm, clean house back again.

I listen to the silence, the empty silence, the cold and empty silence, and then I realize it’s just too quiet.

I can’t wait until he comes back again!

Posted in Home, Humor | Tagged children, Family, Grandmother, kids, laughter, little boy, lonliness, lost toys, memories, parenting, silence, sticky fingers | 1 Comment

Spring Fever

Posted on March 29, 2016 by Sheila Moss

petunia

It’s entirely the groundhog’s fault. He promised us an early spring. Oh, the critter delivered on the early spring all right. Flowering fruit trees were in bloom, folks were wearing shorts, and my neighbors were out mowing grass. Yep, we all had it — spring fever.

When the warm weather hits, I always get the urge to plant flowers. Petunias were calling my name, so I went over to the hardware store and checked out the bedding plants. I had a gift card left over from last winter. No sense in wasting it — especially when I have spring fever.

On a warm weekend in early spring the garden center is worse than the Interstate at rush hour. They were carting out the plants, mulch, and fertilizer by the basketload. Hoses, sprayers, shovels, and wheelbarrows lined up at the register for the patio checkout lane. Like me, everyone in town had been hit by spring fever.

The flowers were so colorful and bright. How could any woman resist buying a few plants whether she likes flowers or not? I picked out some snapdragons and marigolds. As much as I love flowers, my thumb has never been green enough to plant anything that doesn’t thrive easily, even when I have spring fever.

The yellow snapdragons were easy to reach, but the red snapdragons were on the top shelf where I could barely reach them. I didn’t let that hinder me, though; I managed to get them down without breaking my neck or dropping the flowers. Nothing can stop me when I want flowers, especially when I have a severe case of spring fever.

Back home, I attacked my backyard with vigor, chopping down the dead Black-Eyed Susan plants from the previous season, pulling weeds, raking dead leaves and dry grass like a wild woman. The blossoms from my crabapple tree fell around me like rain — but even spring allergies take a back seat to spring fever.

gardening The down side to buying plants is that you have to plant them. The planting part is not nearly as much fun as the buying part, especially when you have to pull weeds and grass first. By the time I finished getting everything ready to plant, I was too tired to plant anything. It was lack of energy, not lack of enthusiasm. I still had severe spring fever.

As it turned out, winter had been lurking around the corner all the time just waiting for those tender plants to be put into the ground. The next thing I knew it was cold again. That stuff falling from the sky wasn’t pollen or apple blossoms the next day — it was snow! I guess that’s what I get for believing that a varmint can predict weather and letting him give me spring fever.

I remember other years when I have jumped the gun and planted my flowers too early, only to have the winter return with a vengeance to kill them. What could I do now with all the boxes of flowers to keep them from freezing? Bring them inside, of course. Now my kitchen table has spring fever.

It was chilly outside in my bathrobe that night, trying to cover my azaleas with a blanket so they wouldn’t freeze. Then the blanket blew off and my azaleas became victims anyhow, along with a lot of other plants that grew too early because they too had spring fever.

Every year I say the same thing. “Next year I’m not going to plant any flowers so I won’t have to worry about frost and cold weather.” But then the annuals bloom in front of the discount stores, and I just can’t resist buying plants. I don’t know what it is, the urge to plant and grow, the innate need for renewal of life — or simply spring fever.

Posted in Humor, Weather | Tagged Bedding plants, Flowers, Garden Center, Gardening, Groundhog, Plants, Spring, Spring fever, Weeding | 5 Comments

A Ritual of Spring

Posted on March 28, 2016 by Sheila Moss

Ah, Spring is here! Hormones surge… instinct takes over.. a woman’s thoughts turn to… HOUSE CLEANING! Yes, it’s true! Dust is in the air. It is time to celebrate the honored ritual of spring house cleaning.

It must be a primitive nesting instinct, the urge to renew and revive. Suddenly it becomes apparent that your house resembles a college dorm room.

Here are a few of the tell-tell signs:

1. Your front door has more fingerprints than the FBI.

2. The dust mites are having an anniversary party under your bed.

3. You are wearing clothes from the floor of the closet – inside out.

4. Your family is eating off paper plates so you don’t have to open the cabinets.

5. You need a gas mask when you open the refrigerator.

6. The kids can’t find their toys — in fact they can’t find the toy box.

7. The garbage disposal is coughing.

8.. You can’t find the cordless phone unless it rings.

9. You can’t turn on the ceiling fan without creating a dust storm.

10. Your chore for the day is to find the vacuum cleaner bags — and the vacuum cleaner.

11. The remote control has been lost in a sofa crack since the end of football season.

12. The kitty litter is a concrete block.

13. The cat has been missing for three days.

14. There is something solid and black in the bottom of the coffeepot.

15. You can’t decide whether to clean the windows or just buy mini blinds.

16. The dog has offered to loan you his doghouse.

17. The mail hasn’t been opened since last tax season.

18. The piles of magazines may fall over and bury you.

19. You are afraid to turn on the oven because bugs may be raising a family in there.

20. You wonder if a hosedown would ruin the carpets.

21. There is something sprouting in the dishwasher.

22. The washing machine reminds you of a concrete mixer.

23.. You can’t go outside because fresh air makes you dizzy.

24. It seems easier to move than to clean the house.

Housewife
If any of these seem slightly familiar, you too may have spring cleaning fever. The male of the species is seldom affected. Like PMS, spring cleaning fever is exclusive to the female.

Fortunately, the cure is rather simple. Apply soap and water, disinfectant, furniture polish, scouring powder, grease solvent, and plenty of elbow grease and your fever will be cured in a matter of hours, with results lasting at least till the family gets home.

Posted in Home, Humor | Tagged dirt, Dirty house, dust, fingerprints, Garbage, House cleaning, housework, Spring cleaning, Spring fever, Trash | 4 Comments

Interview with Peter Cottontail

Posted on March 25, 2016 by Sheila Moss

Today we have a special treat for you, an interview with a childhood favorite, the Easter Bunny aka Peter Cottontail.

Thank you for taking time from your busy schedule today. Mr. Cottontail. It’s sad but some people do not believe in you. How do you feel about that?

I don’t have time to worry about non-believers. I have a lot to accomplish and must stay on task to get it all done. After all, children everywhere depend on me to bring Easter baskets.

That is quite a large responsibility, isn’t it? Do you ever find it overwhelming?

Oh, no, I’m up to the job or I wouldn’t be the Easter Bunny. I do get last minute jitters when I see all those baskets in the warehouse, but once I get hopping, I’m okay.

How do you get so many baskets assembled in time?

kooleggs We have a large crew of apprentice bunnies that work all year getting ready for the big event. We have basket weavers, egg decorators, candy makers. It’s a mass assembly operation. You really would have to see it to believe it.

Where is your headquarters?

Sorry, I cannot disclose the exact location of Candy Land. We would never get done if we allowed visitors to come sniffing around. Let’s just say it is somewhere down a rabbit hole. That’s close enough.

Isn’t it difficult to dye so many Easter eggs?

Actually, we have a crew of chickens that lay the eggs and decorate them. Some are very talented egg decorators and others cackle around all day. Thank goodness, we do not have to put up with as many old hens since plastic eggs came into vogue.

You mean chickens lay the eggs? I always thought Easter eggs were laid by bunnies.

Don’t be ridiculous. Biology is what it is. Chickens lay eggs.

colorpeeps What about chocolate bunnies and marshmallow peeps, you must make a lot of those?

Chocolate bunnies are not as popular as they used to be – too messy. Parents want their kids to have solid chocolate eggs wrapped in colored foil, something that doesn’t melt. Marshmallow peeps are out too. It’s just as well. Those things were so gross even the chickens didn’t like them.

Well, surely kids still like jelly beans? Easter isn’t Easter without jelly beans.

Yes, they are sticky, but we have to have something to go inside the plastic eggs. However, there has been a trend toward smaller gourmet jelly beans lately. I suspect the parents may be nipping on the jelly beans while the kids are busy hunting eggs.

Don’t you hide the eggs?

Of course not, where would I get the time for that? I deliver the goods. The parents can do a little something.

Where do you leave the Easter baskets when you deliver them?

No set rule on that. Some kids wake up and find them in the bedroom. If I get behind schedule, I just set them on the front step and ring the doorbell. Some of my bunny helpers think it is fun to hide the basket and make a spoiled brat look for it.

You seem to be willing to stay in the background. Are you a modest rabbit?

It would be embarrassing if I had news people or cameras following me around. I don’t want a lot of attention or compliments. I just want to get the job done and hop on to the next one. It is the nature of rabbits to be a bit timid.

So you don’t really want any credit?

Certainly not, remaining somewhat anonymous is the secret to my success. I am seldom seen, but kids always know I’ve been there.

Well, thanks again for the interview, Mr. Cottontail. By the way, would you mind putting a few extra gourmet jelly beans in my kids’ baskets? They are delicious.

Do you give your kids Easter Baskets? What’s in them? Do you like real eggs or artificial? What do you remember from your childhood about Easter?

Posted in Creatures, Food, Holidays, Humor | Tagged Bunnies, Chickens, Chocolate Bunnies, Cottontail, Easter, Easter basket, Easter bunny, Easter Chicks, Easter eggs, Jellybeans, Peeps | 8 Comments

Easter Eggs Grandma’s Way

Posted on March 24, 2016 by Sheila Moss

Embed from Getty Images

You grandchildren come on in here to the kitchen! We are going to have some fun today! We are going to dye Easter eggs – none of those phony plastic eggs at grandma’s house. Grandma has REAL eggs, the kind the Easter bunny lays.

Grandma has years of experience with this. I remember when my kids were your age and we did this every year.

First, we will put newspapers on the floor. Don’t ask; just help me with the papers. Grandma can’t get down on her knees like she used to. Now, we will get out the coffee mugs. We need BIG cups so the dye will cover the eggs. Line them up on the paper where you can reach them.

Okay, now we will open the dye package and you can put one pill in each cup. NO! Don’t eat that pill! Well, they were non-toxic the box says. We just won’t have any pink eggs this year, I guess.

Now, add the vinegar… Vinegar? I always forget about vinegar. Grandma is getting old. Fortunately, a grandma always keeps a supply of everything. Just hold this little stepping stool for me while I reach… Uh, oh! It jumped off the shelf. Don’t cry; grandma broke it. She will clean up the mess. We will just use pickle juice.

Now, grandma will add water. See the pretty colors? Grandma has already boiled the eggs for you. (A grandmother has to plan ahead so she can keep up with the grandkids.) She only cracked 2 or 3 eggs, and she can make yummy egg salad out of those.

eastereggs Okay, put one egg in each cup. ONE EGG! Well, it slipped, didn’t it? That’s okay, we have others. Accidents will happen. No! Don’t put your hands in the cup. Too late… Well, maybe your mom can get it washed off before Easter. Purple hands won’t match your new Easter outfit very well.

WATCH OUT! Oh no! You dropped the egg basket and squashed them. Well, let’s clean up the mess; we still have a few left.

No, we can’t use the ones out of the refrigerator. They have not been boiled. Don’t cry.

What about those little paper things in the box, you say? Those little paper things are called “tattoos.” We will save them for later. I told you we would SAVE the tattoos! How did that get on your face? I just hope we can wash it off.

Take the rest of the eggs out of the cups. Use your hands. What does it matter? Maybe we should just make potato salad instead of Easter eggs. Potato salad is always nice.

Yes, you can have the little cardboard things and some toothpicks to make twirly tops. Here, just put the rest of these tattoos on your face and go watch cartoons on TV.

Your mother will be here pretty soon to get you. She can stop at Walmart on the way home and buy you some nice, plastic Easter eggs with jellybeans inside.

Might as well face it, holidays are just not what they used to be.

Posted in Food, Holidays, Humor | Tagged Boiled eggs, Colored eggs, Dye eggs, Easter, Easter bunny, Easter eggs, Jellybeans, Plastic eggs, tattoos | 6 Comments

Wrinkles Revisited

Posted on March 23, 2016 by Sheila Moss

Ironing

I recently made a discovery that all women need to know about. It’s a magic product in a bottle called “wrinkle releaser.” Do you wonder what women did before we had products like “wrinkle releaser?” I’ll tell you what we did – we ironed!

I can scarcely believe the hours I used to spend standing over the hot ironing board making the family’s clothes smooth and wrinkle free. We sprinkled, we refrigerated, we steamed, we starched, we sprayed, we spat, and we ironed. Perspiration runs down my forehead in wet beads just thinking about it.

Who would think that the day would come when women no longer had to iron? But somewhere just between the final edge of sanity and beginning of women’s lib, permanent pressed fabrics came into the world. The timing was an interesting coincidence – or was it?

Now, some people will tell you that God created cotton and mankind created polyester. Don’t believe them. Anything as good as polyester has to be from heaven.

shirts Polyester blends were “perma-pressed,” meaning they didn’t need to be ironed. Women folded up their ironing boards and hid them. We became less and less particular about wrinkles and learned that if we took stuff right out of the dryer and hung it on hangers, it could pass for ironed.

When God saw the success of polyester blends, he was pleased, and brought forth another new invention, “wrinkle releaser.” This stuff is really just a liquid fabric softener that you spray on clothes to soften and smooth away any wrinkles that may have escaped the dryer or developed while clothes were folded in drawers.

Some will try to tell you that Proctor & Gamble invented wrinkle releaser. Don’t believe them. We know where it really came from.

Clothes have come a long way. Nowadays, if a wrinkle dares to develop, we grab the plastic bottle of wrinkle releaser and spray away. Wrinkle releaser not only makes the wrinkles disappear, it leaves a fresh, clean smell. It’s so wonderful that my eyes grow misty and I think I hear the angels singing every time I use it.

If only all problems were as easy to smooth away as the wrinkles in clothes. Ah, if only life had a “wrinkle releaser.”

Got a little dent in the fender from backing into that shopping basket on the supermarket parking lot? No problem! Grab the bottle of wrinkle releaser, spray and smooth it away before hubby gets home.

Hair too curly? Spray your BIG hair with wrinkle releaser to get rid of the frizzies and smooth it into a manageable style that leaves you looking like you just stepped out of a fashion magazine.

Try it on that maze of computer cords under the desk. Straighten out the pipes in the bath and unclog the drains. Make the wilted lettuce in the frig crisp again, and turn pretzels into bread sticks. Spray and smooth the wrinkles in the sheets and remake the beds with one sweeping squirt. Heck, it could probably turn a poodle into a Pekinese.

Yes, if only all the little kinks in life could be banished forever as easily as the wrinkles in clothes. Mountains could be turned into molehills. Grandma could be turned into a teenager…

WAIT! What is this in the fine print on the back of the bottle? “Do not spray directly toward the face.” Guess I should have known it wouldn’t work on THOSE wrinkles. We seem destined to go through life with more wrinkles on our face than in our clothes.

“USE ONLY AS INTENDED,” proclaim the instructions. There’s always a catch, isn’t there? Somehow I get the feeling that Proctor & Gamble saw me coming.

Hey, I may get old, but I’ll be an old woman with some great looking clothes!

Posted in Home, Humor | Tagged clothing care, Downy, fabric refresher, fabric softener, ironing, ironing aid, odor eliminator, perma-pressed, polyester, Proctor & Gamble, wrinkle releaser, wrinkle spray, wrinkles | 7 Comments

Painting a Purple House

Posted on March 22, 2016 by Sheila Moss

purpleexterior “I never saw a purple cow, I hope to never see one,” said the poet. But purple is not only unpopular as a color for cows, it is also frequently frowned on as a color for houses. “World Net Daily” reported that a Florida city passed a new law against purple houses after a local man painted his house purple and gold because these were the colors of his fraternity!

To prevent the outlandish actions of some homeowners, who have the audacity to think they can do what they want with their own property, some areas have formed planning committees for assuring that colors are attune to the tastes of the average homeowner.

In other words – NO purple!

Those with an unconventional taste for purple feel that the ability to enjoy living in your home is first and that the resale value is a secondary consideration. On occasion, disgruntled homeowners have deliberately painted their house deep purple as protest against zoning laws they don’t like or to retaliate against grumpy neighbors. Maybe we should all go next door right now and apologize for anything we may have done wrong before it’s too late.

purplehouse1 People sometimes become irritated with their nonconformist neighbors because they feel purple houses are ugly and devalue the surrounding property. Neighbors became angry when one woman in Manhattan painted her house purple to honor her favorite sports team. She said she doesn’t care about resell value because she plans to never move. Neighbors are probably planning a torch party right now.

Frequently a purple house is painted purple as a part of a remodeling project. A San Antonio woman who was doing extensive remodeling painted her house purple. She said that purple was an important part of her cultural heritage. However, city planners didn’t give a whit about heritage and said they had not given permission for the purple paint job. Her house became the center of a controversy as well as a popular attraction for picture-taking tourists.

purplevictorian It seems there are actually many people who do not mind being a purple cow. Purple houses can be found in all parts of the country. Victorian houses, especially, are popular since tradition-breaking colors accent the ornate gingerbread trim. San Francisco has become famous for old Victorian houses painted in outlandish colors. The colorful hues were the key to revitalizing a blighted area of town. Of course, San Francisco is famous for a lot of unusual things.

The lovely Victorian homes of San Francisco have become known as “Painted Ladies,” taking the name from the painted women of its rowdy past. Following San Francisco’s example, other cities have attempted to revitalize urban areas with Painted Ladies of their own. St. Louis has restored the elegant Lafayette Square and Madison, Wisconsin has an East Side neighborhood with elaborately painted homes in a rainbow of hues. Why should San Francisco be the only one to admit they have a bawdy past?

purplerowhouse Children sometimes read a book called “Mr. Pine’s Purple House,” which teaches the importance of nonconformity and expressing individuality. Of course, most of us do not live in historic Victorian neighborhoods these days. We live in subdivisions and condos. Our neighbors most likely would react to an expression of individuality like the council in England that ordered a row of brightly painted townhouses be repainted and toned down. Obviously, not everyone goes by the book.

My neighbors will be relieved to know that they don’t have to worry. Not knowing it was chic to think purple, I painted my house in a conventional color of gray. I won’t be repainting any time in the near future, and if I did it would be green, blue, yellow or even red – anything but PURPLE!

-0-

I don’t know of a purple house locally, but plan on exploring Germantown and some of the older areas of town to see if I can spot one. If you know of a purple house in your area, I’d love to hear about it!

Posted in Home, Humor | Tagged controversal colors, devalue property, disgruntled homeowners, homeowners associations, nonconformity, Painted Ladies, planning committees, Purple, purple houses, remodeling projects, resale value, Victoria houses | 4 Comments

Home Improvement

Posted on March 21, 2016 by Sheila Moss

house
Spring is here! It’s time to renew and revive. There’s no time like spring for a few home improvements!

Actually, it all started last winter while we were gone to my grandson’s birthday party and we had that hailstorm. When I got home, the yard was full of hailstones. I figured the roof was okay. It wasn’t until later that the water started coming through the living room ceiling. Then I noticed that everyone on the street was suddenly getting a new roof – except me.

How could it be that everyone else had roof damage and I didn’t? There was nothing to do at that point, but get the roof fixed. Those variegated shingles look so much better and than the old roof and it is such a pretty shade of gray now.

Naturally, something had to be done about the spot on the ceiling and wall where the water had leaked in, so there was no choice except to paint the entire living room and hall. It was not my fault either that the curtains fell apart when I washed them. I opened up the washer and found a big ball of string where my curtains used to be. Guess I forgot how old they actually were.

As any woman knows, get something new and it makes everything else look dreadfully shabby. That old front door looked absolutely awful after the new paint job on the rest of the room. I’d wanted to get it replaced for ages anyhow, and this was the perfect time.

Well, I got all that fixed and wouldn’t you just know it? The carpenter that fixed the door was also a painter. He couldn’t help but notice how much my house needed an exterior paint job. I’ve never liked the color anyhow and with the new roof, it looks tackier than ever.

I’m really excited about getting it painted. It is going to look great. I’m having trouble deciding on a color, though. My grandson suggested red. Never ask a four-year-old what color to paint a house. I’m thinking that maybe gray would match the roof best. I got a paint chart and can’t believe all the different shades of gray there are.

Before the house could be painted, I had to get the shrubs trimmed back. The yard guy wanted to just dig them all up and replace them as they are really overgrown, but I had to draw the line somewhere. I can’t do that and recarpet the living room too. Since the door is fixed, I’ve been thinking how much better the living room would look with new carpeting.

My honey asked me if I was going to redecorate the whole house. Men are so silly! Why on earth would I do that? He would be perfectly happy with peeling paint and buckets to catch the water coming through the ceiling. Men don’t understand that the roof and exterior paint must coordinate, not to mention the walls, drapes, and carpeting. I wonder if it matters whether the inside and outside coordinate?

I really think my furniture will work okay with the color scheme. No point going overboard with this redecorating, even though I’ve not done any major home improvement in at least 10 years.

This should be all I need to do for a long time – unless you consider the bathrooms. Come to think of it, I’m getting tired of that wallpaper in the bathroom too. Wouldn’t it be a coincidence, if the carpenter turned painter also does wallpaper? Maybe I’ll ask him – as long as he is going to be here anyhow.

Remind me not to let my grandson pick the color for the wallpaper, though.