No Parking

Posted on July 15, 2016 by Sheila Moss

parking lot

Why is it that whenever I go to a discount mart or a shopping mall, I can never find a decent parking place?  What time of the day do all of those people get there that have the great spots right up next to door?  They must get up at 5:00 in the morning, arrive at 7:00 and wait for the doors to open.  How else could they get those places?  And they stay all day, never leaving.  The spots are still all full at 10:00 p.m., an hour after the mall is closed.  Maybe they live there, stay all night and never leave.

I use to have it figured out at the discount store where I shop.  I would park down at the end instead of out front.  For some reason people tend to avoid those end slots.  Actually, they were not that far from the door.  They looked further, but compared to those way back at the back where I usually end up, they were a mere hop, skip and jump.  But, alas, the store apparently decided the employees were taking spaces away from customers and ordered them to park on the side.  My glorious days of finding a spot at the side of the store suddenly ended, and again I had to fend for myself among the others out front.

Those lovely handicap spots are so tempting, so empty.  No one ever parks there.  Some people yield to temptation and pull in.  I just can’t do it.  I always think, “what if…?”  What if a handicapped person actually came along and needed that place?  What if a policeman came along and saw that I did not?  What if I was handicapped and someone who didn’t need it took my parking place?

Then there are those who circle the parking lot like vultures, waiting for someone else to back out so they can zip in.  Once in a blue moon I might be lucky enough to get a spot that someone else is vacating, but not often.  If I see them leaving and decide to wait, they seem to take an hour to unload their packages, get in the car, adjust the mirror, find a good station on the radio, adjust the seat, fasten the seat belt.  I think they are just claiming squatter’s rights and are reluctant to leave with me waiting there impatiently to pull in.

And there are those drivers who will zip up from the other direction and whip into a spot that you have been waiting on for an eternity.  Fools!  I would never be brave enough to leave my car and go shopping after provoking someone that much.  I have had words with people over such behavior – not very nice words either.

Back at my local discount mart, I again found some spots on the side.  I can go in through the garden center door instead of the front door.  A shortcut through the flowers and I am inside.  Then, as luck would have it, they expanded the garden center out to the parking lot.  My favorite parking places are now under 5000 bags of fertilizer and mulch.  How can they do this to me?  I’m telling you, there oughta be a law against garden supplies on the parking lot.

Along the curb by the front door, a few souls disregard the rights of others, pull over in the “no parking” area and run in to grab a quick item.  Some leave a spouse in the car.  Why is it that leaving a spouse in the car gives you the right to park illegally?  Or is the idea that the person can move the car if the cops happen to show up – not that they ever do.  As much money as I spend there, they should really give me a designated parking place.  Valet parking wouldn’t be bad either.  Now that’s an idea I really like.

I guess I might as well park at the back of the lot and forget it.  It isn’t worth the gas and time to drive around and look.  I can always wear my gym shoes.  Besides, there’s hope.  That pile of fertilizer can’t last forever, and I still remember that shortcut through the garden center and in by the back door.

Now if I can only find a back door at the mall.

©1999 Sheila Moss
Posted in Automotive, Humor, Shopping | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

OOPS! -Delivery Disaster

Posted on July 14, 2016 by Sheila Moss

oops
OOPS is guys in Bermuda shorts sent from God to put the regular postal service out of  business and deliver our packages on time and cheaper that we ever thought possible.  Unfortunately, all that glitter is just bug dust.  It seems that OOPS undercuts the other delivery services by hiring mentally underprivileged morons.

After a year of scrimping, saving, pinching pennies, calling in old loans, doing without vacation and other forms of debilitating and humiliating miserly sacrifice, I finally scraped together the money for a new PC.  I was so excited.  For some time I had been eyeballing the latest and slickest models.  I gladly handed over my hard-saved moolah for the privilege of having delivered right to my door a brand-new PC.  Yes, I hardly even looked around.  I had dealt with Gateway before.  No use fooling around with those other companies.  This was exactly what I wanted.

Having bad experiences with OOPS in the past, i.e. finding a motherboard on my seldom used front doorstep two days after “delivery,” I had my reservations about the delivery part, but the salesman promised me:  “Just call a day or two before the projected delivery date.  We will give you the tracking number and you can call OOPS for an exact date or ask them to hold it.”  HOLD IT?  What a superb idea.  Home delivery is no longer a convenience for residential customers.  It means taking off work and waiting around all day.  I would much rather just go there and pick up my goods in person.

Well, I called two days before the projected delivery date  for the number, just as requested, and a check of the infamous online tracking system showed that it was “delivered.”  DELIVERED?  How can that be?  It’s two days too soon and I’m not at home – besides, it’s raining outside.

“Not to worry, they will leave you a note and you can be home tomorrow or put it on hold.”  Somehow, I just had a knawing feeling that there was a problem.

When I drove up in my driveway at home, I could not believe my eyes.  There was a pile of black and  while spotted cow boxes, an entire computer system, piled up neatly right beside my garbage cans – SOAKING WET.  Idiots!  How can anybody be that dumb?  It is  obviously a computer.  Gateway is written all over it.  They know it is raining.  Are they nuts?  Obviously, they must be.

Hell hath no fury like a computer geek scorned.  A call to  Gateway resulted in the usual busy signal at customer service – so I packed up my soggy  goods, risking flood damage to my vehicle, and floated off to OOPS blind with rage.

To their credit, there is one sensible person at OOPS.  The manager was very understanding and took back the damaged goods without question.  My anger was defused.  I see how she became manager.  She is the only person who works there that graduated kindergarten with an “A” in common sense.  Seems that Gateway no longer checks the box that says “signature required for delivery,” so the driver decided it was okay to just leave the shipment.  What can I say?  He has been working for OOPS for 20 years the manager said.  Twenty years and still not enough sense to not leave a computer in the rain.  Sad.

So what about Gateway?  Well, days later when I finally got through to customer service (Seems they are closed after hours and weekends and have a phony recording that says, “all representatives are busy.”) They said I should have kept the computer and contacted them.  I should have opened it and seen if it was wet inside.  Yeah, I bet.  Let me have a damaged computer, let me worry about fooling around with the service people, let me have a piece of junk that will probably never work right, let me suffer for their carelessness.  No thanks, Gateway.  I need a computer not a goldfish bowl.  I paid for a new, undamaged computer, through the teeth, and that is what I want.  Sorry the delivery did not work out.  I asked to have it marked “hold” when I bought it.  Now you or OOPS can eat it.

Am I mad?  Depends.  Like I said, I’ve dealt with Gateway before.  They do have an excellent product and good support services.  They once talked me through a C drive crash that took weeks and support reps at levels so high, they probably had halos and wings. After that experience, I still have enough confidence in the company that I believe they will make it good. I simply want what I paid for. I’m not stupid and I don’t expect to be treated as if I am.

You are thinking they will just re-package it and ship it back to me, aren’t you?  If so, it better work right or they will get it back again. I’m sick of being taken advantage of.  I’m sick of throwing money away and not getting what I bought, and I’m sick of consumers’ rights being violated.

And if the truth were known, I’ll bet there is not one employee at Gateway or OOPS that would want to be treated any differently than I do. Be fair – give customers what they pay for and they won’t be on the Internet screaming to the world about it!

©1999 Sheila Moss

Question: I don’t have to ask, but have you ever had a bad experience with a delivery?

 

Posted in Humor, Rants, Technology | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Space & Rocket Center

Posted on July 13, 2016 by Sheila Moss

USSRC_Rocket_Park

Ever wonder what happens to the leftover space rockets after they return from space? A visit to the U.S. Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, Alabama, reveals that much of it goes to a museum where the average tourist can visit these wonders of space.

We can walk among “antique” rockets in rocket gardens, gaze into a capsule where astronauts once blasted into the unknown, and marvel at the technology that made it all possible – pretending to understand it.  The remains of these engineering wonders are quite overwhelming in size.  The rockets are so large – and mankind is so small.

The space museum is “front stage” for a complex array of mysterious building and towers that comprise Marshall Space Center and are “off limits” to the casual visitor.  It is “our” space center the guides cheerfully assure us, meaning that the taxpayers have paid for it.  Of course, the focus is on the scientific wonder of it all; the great adventure of the few at the expense of the many, proof of what technology is capable of doing with a single-minded focus and dedication to purpose.

There is talk of the advancement of knowledge, and the innovations that have been made possible as “spin-offs” of technology used in the space program. We listen to the retelling of the stories of how man has conquered the frontier of space, and lived, in most instances, to tell the story.  Indeed, it is all very impressive, including the price tags.

We see an obsolete Blackbird spy plan that once crossed the US in 68 minutes, see the giant Saturn V rocket and all sorts of rockets from space missions of the past, take Disney-like virtual adventure trips, and remember long forgotten names, such as, Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo. The Huntsville Rocket Center is said to be the largest display of space related rockets in the U.S. Many things, such as the lunar rovers made at Huntsville, are said to be reusable, but the vast array, display, and number of obsolete rockets, missiles, and assorted space related memorabilia seems to testify otherwise.

Other than the gift shop, a display of great interest was the model of the International Space Station, which shows how six astronauts can live in a space station in outer space.  The purpose is to advance scientific knowledge and international cooperation by conducting microgravity experiments, such as, growing protein crystals which will give us a cure for cancer, AIDS, and osteoporosis.  Wonderful promises.

Ordinary living is quite difficult in a weightless environment.  Astronauts must be zipped into their beds to prevent them from floating away and being injured.  What a way to sleep. Eating, showering and going to the bathroom are all major undertakings which are explained to a curious audience in more detail than we want to know. Along with this is a diagram of the space station, which resembles something from Star Trek, and much explanation of which country is contributing what part, so that the appropriate country gets the credit (or blame).  By the way, the language of space is going to be “English”.  Hope they told the Martians.

I-565, the highway in front of the Space Center, has been renamed to honor Alan Shepherd, the first man in space, who is now deceased.  Really makes you feel old, huh?  All in all, it makes us a bit homesick for the days when heroes were being made, frontiers being conquered, and no one worried about the cost because it seemed worth any price.  Our hopes were focused outward then and we were optimistic about a wonderful and unlimited future.

Now we have grown up, lost our innocence, and the impossible has become the possible. We can send our kids to Space Camp to interest them in science even though we have grown cynical about whether man’s illnesses will be cured by knowledge from outer space.  In spite of the overdone public relations hype, the rocket center is an interesting place and worth the time to explore, if only to re-visit your tax dollars.

©1999 Sheila Moss

 

Visit the official U.S. Space & Rocket Center website: http://www.ussrc.com/

Posted in Humor, Technology, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I Hate Elevators

Posted on July 12, 2016 by Sheila Moss
elevator

I hate elevators!  Like many office workers who work in high rise buildings, I face a daily ride in the tiny little box at least twice a day and maybe more.  What is an about elevator that makes knees turn to Jell-O?  Elevators are so tiny and confining.  People are uncomfortable to start with because the close proximity to other people violates our personal space.  Usually people face frontward and avoid eye contact.  Fear of height is said to be instinctive, so that is probably a large part of it.  Something about knowing your life is dangling on a thread, even though it is a cable supposedly safe and tested for weight tolerance and such.  Those things do have safety devices built in – don’t they?  They could not really fall al-l-l-l-l-l the way down – could they?

I’ve ridden in the elevators at the Sears Tower in Chicago that whiz up 100 floors to the top so fast it makes your ears pop.  And I LOVE roller coasters, which are surely more dangerous than elevators. So why be apprehensive about a silly elevator? But roller coasters are suppose to be thrilling – the elevator at the office is not.

I work in a very old building. They have given it a facelift and it has been remodeled, including the elevators.  Everything looks like new. But deep inside, I know that the works are the same old ones that have been there for a very long time. If elevators were just a bit more cooperative, perhaps they would not seem quite as user un-friendly. The elevators do act up. Sometimes they stop just a bit too hard, or vibrate, or creak strangely.  The people look at each other and someone makes a joke. But everyone seems relieved when the door finally opens. Hasn’t nearly everyone been on an elevator at some time that didn’t seem to act exactly right?

The elevator in the parking garage is really the pits. It is almost a gamble to even get on, but there are a lot of stairs if you don’t. It skips floors, jumps up and down trying to level when it reaches the floor, and you had better jump off fast or the door will nearly knock you down. Complaints to the management result in service calls and temporary improvement – but too many complaints have resulted in the elevator being closed.

You probably are wondering if I have ever been stuck on one?  No – not really. Once I was in one that stuck briefly. It was something to do with the door not closing properly.   Fortunately, it was not crowded, and by the time we had sounded the alarm and used the emergency phone, it decided to close and go on. I could not believe that people did not jump off at the first floor after the doors opened. I sure did!  Most people just stayed on there and rode on to their floors. Boy, when I see an elevator that is acting strangely, I wait for a different one, no matter how big of a hurry I’m in.

There are thrill rides at amusement parks that play on peoples’ fear of elevators.  The one at Disney World is called the “Tower of Terror.” It falls 16 floors, I believe.  I rode it several times when I was there and it was a lot of fun. But we were sitting down and strapped securely in seats, and it was suppose to fall. Supposedly, the excitement of many of the so-called “thrill rides” is facing your worse fear and surviving.

Elevators seem to be a necessity in the modern world and the high-rise environment that we have created for ourselves. Guess we can say life has its little “ups and downs.” As far as I’m concerned, too many of them are in elevators.

©1999 Sheila Moss
(Edited for brevity.)
Posted in Humor, Work Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Nothing to Wear

Posted on July 11, 2016 by Sheila Moss

closet

Grumble… grumble… I guess I knew sooner or later my clothes closet would have to be cleaned.  I like to think of myself as an organized person – but the temptation to just stuff and stuff things behind a door that is kept closed anyhow is just overwhelming.

I remember a time in the distant past when I cleaned closets twice a year like the change of the seasons – whether they needed it or not.  I had closet organizers, those white wire racks that maximize the space – places for long and short articles, shelves for folded clothes, and racks for shoes.  It was beautiful.

I don’t really remember exactly when it was that I became a slob.  It was gradual and the details are hazy now. Maybe it was when I read that article in a women’s magazine about housework efficiency that said, “Why do things that no one sees but you?  For example, Why put paper on shelves?”  That seemed perfectly logical to me.  After all, my personal clothes closet is really not on public display, so why worry about it?

Whenever the change took place, I gradually began to let things expand, and expand, and expand.  Unfortunately, as the clothes collection slowly expanded, the closet did not. Everything just became packed tighter and tighter. Seldom worn articles gradually migrated to the rear, and the things I wore most were where they could be found.

Occasionally, something very out of season or fashion would overflow into a little used closet in another room.  I confess that I also put on a few pounds and “outgrew” a few things.  Of course, these were all things too good to throw away. Throw away my good red suit? After all, I do plan to lose weight and get back into it some day.

The golden rule for keeping control is: “Throw away an article for every new article purchased.”  Good rule – but rules are made to be broken as everyone knows.  And so my famous pointy toed shoes that I quit wearing years ago, continued to grin up at me from underneath the bottom row of long-out-of-style garments. Half the stuff in my closet was too small, too old, too worn, or just plain forgotten.  I had a closet full of “nothing to wear.”

I reluctantly resorted myself to the task and began to pitch things. Things I could or actually DID wear were put aside. Things still too good to part with that I might actually have a prayer of squeezing back into some day were relegated to another closet. Becoming ruthless, I pulled out things I had not worn for years and put them in a group for charity.  Finally, in all out reckless disregard, I trashed the stuff unfit for human habitation.  Goodbye forever pointy toes!  I can only be sentimental about shoes for so long.

It’s amazing how good it feels now to be able to go to the closet and actually find something to wear without digging for 30 minutes. I found things that I had forgotten I even owned. It was a fashion bonanza. I spend a lot of time now hanging out in the bedroom and admiring my closet. It looks great, all the blouses together, all the skirts on their little clip hangers, all the sweaters folded and stacked.

I suppose you think you will offer to let me clean out your clothes closet since I enjoy it so much and did such a good job?  My advice to you?  Get a life – get a wife – get real – get a pro – but don’t even think about asking me to clean another closet!  I am set for years – or until I move and have no choice, whichever comes first.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go shopping and look for some of those cute little scented sachet packets that you hang in the closet. I might even look around for a new blouse to go with that skirt I had forgotten about, or maybe I’ll splurge on a new dress.  After all, there’s plenty of room in the closet.

©1999 Sheila Moss
Posted in Home, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Painting with a Twist

Posted on July 9, 2016 by Sheila Moss

Sunflower on Brown

“It will be fun,” I said.

“How do you know?” asked my sister.

“See, it says right here on the Internet ad, It’s FUN art, not FINE art!” I was trying to convince her to go to one of those painting classes that have become popular lately.

“But, I can’t paint!” she exclaimed.

“It doesn’t matter. Right here it says, step by step instructions. Anyone can do it. They provide the canvas, paint and brushes. All we have to do is paint.”

“I’ve heard of those places,” she said, “but I’ve never been to one.” She still wasn’t sure, but she agreed to try it. I had never been before either.

We dutifully showed up at the art shop at our appointment time with our suggested bottle of wine. My sister uncorked and poured the wine. I tried to set mine down where I would not mistake it for water and rinse out my brush in it.

Local aspiring artists lead the classes. The painting of the day was “Sunflowers on Brown.”

Our lesson began. “First, we will paint the entire canvas brown and black for the background.” Well, so far so good. Anyone can cover a canvas with paint, just like painting a wall. When finished, we dried the acrylic paint with a hair dryer.

Just as I decided things were going well, I turned over my glass of wine on another customer. Maybe I better forget the wine. I think I might paint better without it.

“Use chalk to draw circles for the center of the flowers. Now draw lines where the petals should be. Don’t worry about the chalk lines, we will paint over them.” So, we drew circles and lines for the leaves and petals.

“Yours doesn’t look right,” said my always-the-teacher sister. “It looks good to me,” I growled. “Don’t be an art critic.”

Then the fun part came. “Paint the leaves first and dry them.” We used the familiar-by-now hair dryer. “Then fill in the petals with the yellow paint. The first coat will cover it. Don’t worry about how it looks.” On and on we went wondering when disaster would strike.

We didn’t have to wait long. “Fill your round brush with yellow and paint the petals.” Moans and groans emitted from the students as full scope of the catastrophe began to sink in. “It can be sloppy looking,” said the instructor, “Don’t worry it will all come together.” Being sloppy was not a problem. Keeping your elbows out of the paint was.

I was appalled at the look of my painting. My sister also thought hers didn’t look good, but we painted and painted with time ticking away. Finally we figured things were about as good as they were going to get for a two hour class and gave up.

All the students posed with our masterpieces and paint-stained aprons for a group picture. Some people actually turned out pretty good paintings, but others looked even worse than mine. I tried not to think about it. We finished drying the pictures and brought them home.

“Are you going to hang yours?” asked my sister. “I think I can put mine in the bathroom at church or maybe in my kitchen. I will get my step-son to frame it. He knows how.”

“Umm, I think I will hang mine in the closet.” But by the next morning, I was beginning to think it looked better than I remembered.

I’m still not sure what to do with it, but, after all, it’s FUN art, not fine art.

©Sheila Moss 2016
Posted in Entertainment, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Electric Bill Caper

Posted on July 8, 2016 by Sheila Moss

electricwires.jpg

I did a very bad thing last month. I confess. I’m guilty. I failed to pay my electric bill. I don’t know how it happened exactly, but somehow it just got by me. Utility companies have a very nasty attitude about unpaid bills. They cut off the electricity. I don’t know if I received the bill and mixed it up with the junk mail, or if it was lost in the mail and just never arrived. I’ve looked through everything in retrospect and it is simply missing. Not to worry, however, the electric company gives you a second chance. It is called the “cut off notice.”

I was at the office when I found out. I had hurriedly stuffed the mail in my purse and decided to look it over on my lunch hour, perhaps write a check or two since the mailbox is handy right in front of the office. When I opened the electric bill, my heart sank. The bill was for two months, not one.  And there at the bottom was the dreaded notice. I have until 4:00 today to pay the overdue amount or my electricity is subject to cutoff. Oh no, it can’t be today! But, they won’t cut me off. I’m a good customer. I always pay on time. But there it was in black and white, “Subject to cut off.”

I felt so guilty. I didn’t mean to do it. It was an accident, an accident I tell you. I’m not trying to avoid paying my electric bill. “Please, give me a second chance. I’ll do better,” I thought. But, who hasn’t heard all the stories about the heartless electric company cutting off the electricity of people who don’t pay their bills. No mercy from them. It’s pay up – or else.

Panic! My gosh, I thought. They will come tomorrow and cut me off. I’ll beg for another chance. I’ll go over and pay in the morning as soon as the door is open. But somehow I just had that sinking feeling it was not going to work. I could just hear them saying, “Sure, that’s what they all say!” I called on the phone to plead for an extension, and they gave me the now too familiar news, “You are subject to cutoff tomorrow for non-payment.” Groan. There is no mercy for suspected deadbeats from the hardhearted utility company.

Anyhow, nothing to do at this point but take off work; it’s too late to send a check. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone at the office the real reason. “Sure,” they would think, “She forgot.” “I’ll bet she did.” “Trying to avoid paying money she owes.” “Deadbeat! Probably doesn’t pay any of her bills.” The shame of it all, the embarrassment.

I secretly looked in my checkbook. Maybe it was all a mistake. I must have paid the bill and they forgot to put it on my account. Yes, that has to be it. But no such luck. Sure enough, there was no check written last month. The bill was truly unpaid. Drat! It’s my own entire fault.

So, I took off work, went to the utility company and paid my bill. I could not look the clerk in the eye. I wanted to apologize, to explain, to fling myself at her feet and proclaim my innocence, to confess, to promise I’d never do it again, and to beg for forgiveness. But the clerk was behind bulletproof glass.

Either they are afraid of being robbed back by their irate customers or they have really, really annoyed somebody. I just meekly slipped my bill and money through the deposit slot. When the clerk said, “Are you paying for both months?” I nodded. She stamped the bill “paid” with a big red stamp and slid my change back. I turned and fled.

Redeemed! Guilt free! Honest again! What a relief! Funny, there sure were a lot of other people there doing the same thing I was, paying their bills at the last minute. Guess maybe I’m not the only one that doesn’t remember to pay on time. The company even has a night deposit box for people who can’t make it during the day.

“I’m glad that’s over,” I thought. I have electricity. I have light. I have heat. I can cook, watch TV, and use my computer. Wouldn’t it have been ironic if the electricity was out due to some systematic malfunction, and I didn’t even know it because my electricity was out due to human dysfunction?

©1999 Sheila Moss
Posted in Finance, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Seminar

Posted on July 7, 2016 by Sheila Moss

crowd.jpg

Here I am again. “What am I doing here,” I wonder?  That’s an easy one.  I’m getting motivated.  Motivated for what?  Well, for “SUCCESS” – why not?  Yes, I’m at one of those motivation seminars – the big kind with the well-known celebrity speakers.  They tell us how they became successful, and I guess the idea is that we are supposed to emulate them, be inspired and become successful also.  Sometimes success is largely due to hard work, dedication and motivation – but shouldn’t we also consider the fact that incredible luck can also play a very large part in some cases?

But, I like the seminars.  I must. I go every year. It stimulates my thinking and helps me to clarify goals to work toward.  It really seems to be geared toward people in sales, real estate and insurance, but I’m in social services.  Sales people are not the only ones who need to stay motivated – we all do.  I decided a long time ago that life is too short to be unhappy.  I work hard maintaining a positive attitude and a high self-esteem.  Whatever I need to do toward meeting that personal challenge is worth the time and effort to me.

Most of what the speakers have to say is the same old stuff we heard in psychology 101: Security is from within.  We get what we feel “worthy” of.  We have to be able to change. We need to question what we don’t believe.  We should live by our own inner wisdom instead of by what others tell us. We must get out of our comfort zone to take some risks. And we must have the inner peace to be able to deal with failures and stress.  Yes, I’ve heard it all before. In fact, I’ve probably said it to others.  Still, it is reassuring to hear it over again, and know that I did remember correctly.

The speakers this year seem to be focussed on economic success, financial planning, limited partnerships, and estate planning.  I don’t know if that is evidence of demand for a more realistic approach to these things, or just the general perception that success and money are pretty much the same thing.  Of course, according to the speakers, the best way to be financially successful is to buy the overpriced motivational tapes they push at these affairs.  I don’t know about assuring my own financial success, but I am certain of theirs at the prices they charge for their recorded suggestions.  I sort of feel that one way to insure my financial success might be to avoid spending big bucks to buy these expensive extras.

The seminar itself is relatively expensive to my way of thinking, about $50 per head.  Actually, that’s about the going price of a ticket for a live theater performance around here too.  If you think of it that way, it doesn’t seem like as much.  It is a full day and I get to see important people, be energized, perhaps inspired, and perhaps even MOTIVATED.

I found out, after the first seminar I ever went to, that you can hear and see the big screen just as good from the cheap seats up top as you can from the expensive seats, and you don’t need that $20 workbook, thanks.  So, I am motivated at a considerably lower price than some people are. Also, the friendly, neighborhood library has a large assortment of  motivational tapes and disks that don’t cost a cent to check out. And they want to teach me about financial planning?

It is fun to come, of course.  People get tired sitting for long periods of time and so they do a few activities like the wave, dancing to surfing music and tossing beach balls around – the usual big crowd stuff.  And there is a BIG crowd.  Most of the people are here with corporate sponsorship – free and with a paid day off.  My employer does its own training. Another test of motivation is being willing to spend some money on self-improvement.  I take a day off work and pay my own way to go.  Now that is what I call being really motivated.

Just what is success anyhow?  Well, I’m gonna tell you the secret and you won’t have to spend the money for tapes or even the $50 for a ticket (Of course you will miss out on the fun.)

1.  The first level is just survival.  Most of us have that down pretty well by now.
2.  The second level is achieving security: emotional security, being optimistic vs. pessimistic and financial security.  (Most people get stuck at level two and never move any further.)
3.  The third level is having surplus of security or finances.
4.  Fourth level is having a life that is significant and making a positive difference in the lives of others.
5.  The final level of success is achieving satisfaction with who and what you are.

That’s a lot to think about, isn’t it?  Maybe that is why there are not as many successful people as one would expect.

Well, I’m gonna listen now and work on my own success.  I’m happy I could come to the seminar so you didn’t have to.  If you change your mind, just come on. I’ll be here on the back row, upper level, taking notes, as usual. Maybe one of these years I’ll get successful enough that I don’t have to worry about how to be successful any more.

©1999 Sheila Moss
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The Boss

Posted on July 6, 2016 by Sheila Moss

bossI used to work for a real asshole.  Pardon my profanity, but he’s the kind there is just no other word for except asshole.  He had such a negative attitude about everything that it was difficult to function around him.  I don’t know how he ever became a boss except by default.

His favorite jacket was a maroon sports coat. In fact, he probably is still wearing it right now. He was an authoritarian through and through.  The way to win whatever grudging favor he had to give was to pretend to like him and defer to his rude and demanding ways.  He would have made a great drill sergeant in the Army.  Too bad he missed his calling.  He loved jerking people around and showing that he was the boss – as if anyone could forget.

One of the employees, you know the kind, bought him a hat that had “BOSS” written on it in large letters.  I think that was the only time I ever saw him smile.  He liked that stupid hat and kept it in his office on display.  After that, he expected to be referred to as “Boss” instead of by his name.

The boss did not know how to dial the phone, I guess, either that or his finger was busy doing something else. When he wanted to call someone, he would get his secretary to call for him and then connect the call after the other person was on the phone waiting for him for a while.  He thought it made him look important to keep people waiting.   If the secretary wasn’t around, he’d interrupt whoever was handy, make them find the number he wanted to call and put the call through for him.  Since my desk was closest to his office door, I usually got the yell.

He enjoyed keeping people in terror and making the women cry.  He liked to call people into his office periodically and rake them out for whatever they were failing to do to his satisfaction.  Evaluation time was especially difficult.  Whenever you saw someone with tears in their eyes, you could figure they had been evaluated.  No matter how good you were, you were never good enough for the boss.  Too bad they didn’t let employees evaluate managers on what kind of boss they are!

I sat where he could look out his office door and watch me work all day long.  He would sit at his desk and eat giant size bags of potato chips and belch.  I could hear him crunching.  Sometimes he would close the door and get on the phone for an hour at the time.  I always wondered whom he needed to call for an hour every day with the door closed? Anytime he had something going on, he would shut the door. I used to hope that he would gas himself to death in there.  Guess he never knew I could hear right through those paper-thin walls.

One of the top-level supervisors in our office, we will call him Bill, became really sick.  The boss immediately started trying to think of ways to get rid of him. He forced Bill to work in the office every day instead of letting him take paper work home, which he could have easily done. When Bill finally had to go on sick leave, the boss brought in a blonde and gave her the job before Bill even resigned. They cleaned out all the stuff from Bill’s office like he was already dead, with Bill calling and begging them not to throw his personal things away. When Bill died, the boss didn’t even go to the funeral. His maroon coat would have been out of place anyhow.

Things finally came to head with me when the boss called me in his office one day out of the blue and blessed me out for not working hard enough.  To my astonishment, he said I had gone a whole day without doing anything.  I found out later that another employee, bucking for a promotion, was afraid I might get it instead of her.  Apparently, she fed him a few fibs along with the donuts she brown-nosed him with every morning.  I hadn’t even seen the knife and it was already in my back.

Anyhow, he told me I needed to show more initiative, for example, I should come in his office and do his filing.  It so happened that I was already doing his filing – in the morning before he got there.  When I told him, it made him look dumb, which made him really angry.  The more I defended myself, the madder he became. Finally, I figured that it was useless, so I just shut up and took it. When he finished, I thanked him for calling the matter to my attention and told him he could rest assured I would do better in the future.  And I did – MUCH BETTER – I got another job making more money the very next day.  How’s that for showing initiative?

When I quit, I had to be replaced with a higher salaried IT person. My backstabbing friend got the promotion she wanted so badly. Last I heard, the boss was still terrorizing people and was still an asshole. He will never change. That kind never does.

The other day I heard on the radio that it was Bosses’ Week, which reminded me of  The Boss.  I should send him the perfect Bosses’ Day gift – a hat with what he really is written on it in big letters instead of “BOSS.”

 ©1999 Sheila Moss

Question: Have you ever had a bad boss? I’ve had many very good ones that I were great. But that’s a topic for another time.

 

Posted in Humor, Rants, Work Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Stormy Weather

Posted on July 5, 2016 by Sheila Moss

storm

Gee, the last 48 hours have been rough due to a line of storms moving through.  A friend of mine got out of bed to find out there had been a severe storm.  She wanted to call in to work and let them know she might be late due to debris in the road and no electricity, but the phones didn’t work and the battery on her cell phone was dead.  So, she decided to take a cold shower and it was not until she finished that she realized her hair dryer didn’t work without electricity.

After a while the electricity came back on, so she decided to get on the computer and see how bad things were. But the servers were all jammed and she couldn’t get anything.  The cable was still out on the TV, so no use thinking of that.  Might as well go to work even though she figured she had a pretty good excuse to stay home.

She was working on some really important stuff, and trying to figure out how to save the world. According to an e-mail she got the other day, the only way to save the world is to forward the secret recipe for Mrs. Field’s chocolate chip cookies to at least 20 friends.  If she does not, there will be global disaster, 1000 years of bad luck, and the end of chocolate chip cookies as we know them.

Driving around the litter and power lines, she made it into work only to find out that she was the only one there, but not to worry, the office had an emergency generator. As long as she was there, she might as well stay and run things until everyone else trickled in.  She secretly suspected that they were probably all home baking cookies from the recipe she had forwarded them which made her responsible for the lack of office coverage.

The boss, who had just come back from an exhausting business trip to Disney World, was unable to make it due to an acute case of hangnail or hangover; it was never clear which. He had not heard the news of the storm, and was very irritated that the phone rang ten times before anyone answered it.  He was going to work from home and wanted to be sure that no one tried to leave early because he was not there.  He reminded my friend that her Internet time was being monitored and there was a timing device on her phone line. In the event of an emergency, she could forward any calls to his voice mail.

All these interruptions kept my friend from getting much done.  If the world ends, it will be her fault.  That’s a heavy burden to live with.  She decided that she probably wasn’t going to get much done anyhow, so might as well read the paper and drink a cup of coffee.  As long as she did not get on the Internet, the boss would not know.

She, unfortunately, did not know that there was a video cam recording everything and putting it on the Internet where the world could watch from home. She received her pink slip by FAX later in the day. But, the boss is reconsidering firing her since he needs someone to revise his personal web page for free.

Anyhow, I never got the end of the story because my voice mail ran out of time and the weather channel said another line of thunderstorms was moving in.  I have heard a rumor, however, that her company is investigating the possibility that employees are moonlighting by revising web sites for country music stars on company time and has forbid the posting of Dilbert Cartoons in the office due to conflict of values.

©1999 Sheila Moss
Posted in Humor, Weather, Work Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments