I Hate Elevators

Posted on July 12, 2016 by Sheila Moss
elevator

I hate elevators!  Like many office workers who work in high rise buildings, I face a daily ride in the tiny little box at least twice a day and maybe more.  What is an about elevator that makes knees turn to Jell-O?  Elevators are so tiny and confining.  People are uncomfortable to start with because the close proximity to other people violates our personal space.  Usually people face frontward and avoid eye contact.  Fear of height is said to be instinctive, so that is probably a large part of it.  Something about knowing your life is dangling on a thread, even though it is a cable supposedly safe and tested for weight tolerance and such.  Those things do have safety devices built in – don’t they?  They could not really fall al-l-l-l-l-l the way down – could they?

I’ve ridden in the elevators at the Sears Tower in Chicago that whiz up 100 floors to the top so fast it makes your ears pop.  And I LOVE roller coasters, which are surely more dangerous than elevators. So why be apprehensive about a silly elevator? But roller coasters are suppose to be thrilling – the elevator at the office is not.

I work in a very old building. They have given it a facelift and it has been remodeled, including the elevators.  Everything looks like new. But deep inside, I know that the works are the same old ones that have been there for a very long time. If elevators were just a bit more cooperative, perhaps they would not seem quite as user un-friendly. The elevators do act up. Sometimes they stop just a bit too hard, or vibrate, or creak strangely.  The people look at each other and someone makes a joke. But everyone seems relieved when the door finally opens. Hasn’t nearly everyone been on an elevator at some time that didn’t seem to act exactly right?

The elevator in the parking garage is really the pits. It is almost a gamble to even get on, but there are a lot of stairs if you don’t. It skips floors, jumps up and down trying to level when it reaches the floor, and you had better jump off fast or the door will nearly knock you down. Complaints to the management result in service calls and temporary improvement – but too many complaints have resulted in the elevator being closed.

You probably are wondering if I have ever been stuck on one?  No – not really. Once I was in one that stuck briefly. It was something to do with the door not closing properly.   Fortunately, it was not crowded, and by the time we had sounded the alarm and used the emergency phone, it decided to close and go on. I could not believe that people did not jump off at the first floor after the doors opened. I sure did!  Most people just stayed on there and rode on to their floors. Boy, when I see an elevator that is acting strangely, I wait for a different one, no matter how big of a hurry I’m in.

There are thrill rides at amusement parks that play on peoples’ fear of elevators.  The one at Disney World is called the “Tower of Terror.” It falls 16 floors, I believe.  I rode it several times when I was there and it was a lot of fun. But we were sitting down and strapped securely in seats, and it was suppose to fall. Supposedly, the excitement of many of the so-called “thrill rides” is facing your worse fear and surviving.

Elevators seem to be a necessity in the modern world and the high-rise environment that we have created for ourselves. Guess we can say life has its little “ups and downs.” As far as I’m concerned, too many of them are in elevators.

©1999 Sheila Moss
(Edited for brevity.)
Posted in Humor, Work Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Nothing to Wear

Posted on July 11, 2016 by Sheila Moss

closet

Grumble… grumble… I guess I knew sooner or later my clothes closet would have to be cleaned.  I like to think of myself as an organized person – but the temptation to just stuff and stuff things behind a door that is kept closed anyhow is just overwhelming.

I remember a time in the distant past when I cleaned closets twice a year like the change of the seasons – whether they needed it or not.  I had closet organizers, those white wire racks that maximize the space – places for long and short articles, shelves for folded clothes, and racks for shoes.  It was beautiful.

I don’t really remember exactly when it was that I became a slob.  It was gradual and the details are hazy now. Maybe it was when I read that article in a women’s magazine about housework efficiency that said, “Why do things that no one sees but you?  For example, Why put paper on shelves?”  That seemed perfectly logical to me.  After all, my personal clothes closet is really not on public display, so why worry about it?

Whenever the change took place, I gradually began to let things expand, and expand, and expand.  Unfortunately, as the clothes collection slowly expanded, the closet did not. Everything just became packed tighter and tighter. Seldom worn articles gradually migrated to the rear, and the things I wore most were where they could be found.

Occasionally, something very out of season or fashion would overflow into a little used closet in another room.  I confess that I also put on a few pounds and “outgrew” a few things.  Of course, these were all things too good to throw away. Throw away my good red suit? After all, I do plan to lose weight and get back into it some day.

The golden rule for keeping control is: “Throw away an article for every new article purchased.”  Good rule – but rules are made to be broken as everyone knows.  And so my famous pointy toed shoes that I quit wearing years ago, continued to grin up at me from underneath the bottom row of long-out-of-style garments. Half the stuff in my closet was too small, too old, too worn, or just plain forgotten.  I had a closet full of “nothing to wear.”

I reluctantly resorted myself to the task and began to pitch things. Things I could or actually DID wear were put aside. Things still too good to part with that I might actually have a prayer of squeezing back into some day were relegated to another closet. Becoming ruthless, I pulled out things I had not worn for years and put them in a group for charity.  Finally, in all out reckless disregard, I trashed the stuff unfit for human habitation.  Goodbye forever pointy toes!  I can only be sentimental about shoes for so long.

It’s amazing how good it feels now to be able to go to the closet and actually find something to wear without digging for 30 minutes. I found things that I had forgotten I even owned. It was a fashion bonanza. I spend a lot of time now hanging out in the bedroom and admiring my closet. It looks great, all the blouses together, all the skirts on their little clip hangers, all the sweaters folded and stacked.

I suppose you think you will offer to let me clean out your clothes closet since I enjoy it so much and did such a good job?  My advice to you?  Get a life – get a wife – get real – get a pro – but don’t even think about asking me to clean another closet!  I am set for years – or until I move and have no choice, whichever comes first.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go shopping and look for some of those cute little scented sachet packets that you hang in the closet. I might even look around for a new blouse to go with that skirt I had forgotten about, or maybe I’ll splurge on a new dress.  After all, there’s plenty of room in the closet.

©1999 Sheila Moss
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Painting with a Twist

Posted on July 9, 2016 by Sheila Moss

Sunflower on Brown

“It will be fun,” I said.

“How do you know?” asked my sister.

“See, it says right here on the Internet ad, It’s FUN art, not FINE art!” I was trying to convince her to go to one of those painting classes that have become popular lately.

“But, I can’t paint!” she exclaimed.

“It doesn’t matter. Right here it says, step by step instructions. Anyone can do it. They provide the canvas, paint and brushes. All we have to do is paint.”

“I’ve heard of those places,” she said, “but I’ve never been to one.” She still wasn’t sure, but she agreed to try it. I had never been before either.

We dutifully showed up at the art shop at our appointment time with our suggested bottle of wine. My sister uncorked and poured the wine. I tried to set mine down where I would not mistake it for water and rinse out my brush in it.

Local aspiring artists lead the classes. The painting of the day was “Sunflowers on Brown.”

Our lesson began. “First, we will paint the entire canvas brown and black for the background.” Well, so far so good. Anyone can cover a canvas with paint, just like painting a wall. When finished, we dried the acrylic paint with a hair dryer.

Just as I decided things were going well, I turned over my glass of wine on another customer. Maybe I better forget the wine. I think I might paint better without it.

“Use chalk to draw circles for the center of the flowers. Now draw lines where the petals should be. Don’t worry about the chalk lines, we will paint over them.” So, we drew circles and lines for the leaves and petals.

“Yours doesn’t look right,” said my always-the-teacher sister. “It looks good to me,” I growled. “Don’t be an art critic.”

Then the fun part came. “Paint the leaves first and dry them.” We used the familiar-by-now hair dryer. “Then fill in the petals with the yellow paint. The first coat will cover it. Don’t worry about how it looks.” On and on we went wondering when disaster would strike.

We didn’t have to wait long. “Fill your round brush with yellow and paint the petals.” Moans and groans emitted from the students as full scope of the catastrophe began to sink in. “It can be sloppy looking,” said the instructor, “Don’t worry it will all come together.” Being sloppy was not a problem. Keeping your elbows out of the paint was.

I was appalled at the look of my painting. My sister also thought hers didn’t look good, but we painted and painted with time ticking away. Finally we figured things were about as good as they were going to get for a two hour class and gave up.

All the students posed with our masterpieces and paint-stained aprons for a group picture. Some people actually turned out pretty good paintings, but others looked even worse than mine. I tried not to think about it. We finished drying the pictures and brought them home.

“Are you going to hang yours?” asked my sister. “I think I can put mine in the bathroom at church or maybe in my kitchen. I will get my step-son to frame it. He knows how.”

“Umm, I think I will hang mine in the closet.” But by the next morning, I was beginning to think it looked better than I remembered.

I’m still not sure what to do with it, but, after all, it’s FUN art, not fine art.

©Sheila Moss 2016
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The Electric Bill Caper

Posted on July 8, 2016 by Sheila Moss

electricwires.jpg

I did a very bad thing last month. I confess. I’m guilty. I failed to pay my electric bill. I don’t know how it happened exactly, but somehow it just got by me. Utility companies have a very nasty attitude about unpaid bills. They cut off the electricity. I don’t know if I received the bill and mixed it up with the junk mail, or if it was lost in the mail and just never arrived. I’ve looked through everything in retrospect and it is simply missing. Not to worry, however, the electric company gives you a second chance. It is called the “cut off notice.”

I was at the office when I found out. I had hurriedly stuffed the mail in my purse and decided to look it over on my lunch hour, perhaps write a check or two since the mailbox is handy right in front of the office. When I opened the electric bill, my heart sank. The bill was for two months, not one.  And there at the bottom was the dreaded notice. I have until 4:00 today to pay the overdue amount or my electricity is subject to cutoff. Oh no, it can’t be today! But, they won’t cut me off. I’m a good customer. I always pay on time. But there it was in black and white, “Subject to cut off.”

I felt so guilty. I didn’t mean to do it. It was an accident, an accident I tell you. I’m not trying to avoid paying my electric bill. “Please, give me a second chance. I’ll do better,” I thought. But, who hasn’t heard all the stories about the heartless electric company cutting off the electricity of people who don’t pay their bills. No mercy from them. It’s pay up – or else.

Panic! My gosh, I thought. They will come tomorrow and cut me off. I’ll beg for another chance. I’ll go over and pay in the morning as soon as the door is open. But somehow I just had that sinking feeling it was not going to work. I could just hear them saying, “Sure, that’s what they all say!” I called on the phone to plead for an extension, and they gave me the now too familiar news, “You are subject to cutoff tomorrow for non-payment.” Groan. There is no mercy for suspected deadbeats from the hardhearted utility company.

Anyhow, nothing to do at this point but take off work; it’s too late to send a check. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone at the office the real reason. “Sure,” they would think, “She forgot.” “I’ll bet she did.” “Trying to avoid paying money she owes.” “Deadbeat! Probably doesn’t pay any of her bills.” The shame of it all, the embarrassment.

I secretly looked in my checkbook. Maybe it was all a mistake. I must have paid the bill and they forgot to put it on my account. Yes, that has to be it. But no such luck. Sure enough, there was no check written last month. The bill was truly unpaid. Drat! It’s my own entire fault.

So, I took off work, went to the utility company and paid my bill. I could not look the clerk in the eye. I wanted to apologize, to explain, to fling myself at her feet and proclaim my innocence, to confess, to promise I’d never do it again, and to beg for forgiveness. But the clerk was behind bulletproof glass.

Either they are afraid of being robbed back by their irate customers or they have really, really annoyed somebody. I just meekly slipped my bill and money through the deposit slot. When the clerk said, “Are you paying for both months?” I nodded. She stamped the bill “paid” with a big red stamp and slid my change back. I turned and fled.

Redeemed! Guilt free! Honest again! What a relief! Funny, there sure were a lot of other people there doing the same thing I was, paying their bills at the last minute. Guess maybe I’m not the only one that doesn’t remember to pay on time. The company even has a night deposit box for people who can’t make it during the day.

“I’m glad that’s over,” I thought. I have electricity. I have light. I have heat. I can cook, watch TV, and use my computer. Wouldn’t it have been ironic if the electricity was out due to some systematic malfunction, and I didn’t even know it because my electricity was out due to human dysfunction?

©1999 Sheila Moss
Posted in Finance, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Seminar

Posted on July 7, 2016 by Sheila Moss

crowd.jpg

Here I am again. “What am I doing here,” I wonder?  That’s an easy one.  I’m getting motivated.  Motivated for what?  Well, for “SUCCESS” – why not?  Yes, I’m at one of those motivation seminars – the big kind with the well-known celebrity speakers.  They tell us how they became successful, and I guess the idea is that we are supposed to emulate them, be inspired and become successful also.  Sometimes success is largely due to hard work, dedication and motivation – but shouldn’t we also consider the fact that incredible luck can also play a very large part in some cases?

But, I like the seminars.  I must. I go every year. It stimulates my thinking and helps me to clarify goals to work toward.  It really seems to be geared toward people in sales, real estate and insurance, but I’m in social services.  Sales people are not the only ones who need to stay motivated – we all do.  I decided a long time ago that life is too short to be unhappy.  I work hard maintaining a positive attitude and a high self-esteem.  Whatever I need to do toward meeting that personal challenge is worth the time and effort to me.

Most of what the speakers have to say is the same old stuff we heard in psychology 101: Security is from within.  We get what we feel “worthy” of.  We have to be able to change. We need to question what we don’t believe.  We should live by our own inner wisdom instead of by what others tell us. We must get out of our comfort zone to take some risks. And we must have the inner peace to be able to deal with failures and stress.  Yes, I’ve heard it all before. In fact, I’ve probably said it to others.  Still, it is reassuring to hear it over again, and know that I did remember correctly.

The speakers this year seem to be focussed on economic success, financial planning, limited partnerships, and estate planning.  I don’t know if that is evidence of demand for a more realistic approach to these things, or just the general perception that success and money are pretty much the same thing.  Of course, according to the speakers, the best way to be financially successful is to buy the overpriced motivational tapes they push at these affairs.  I don’t know about assuring my own financial success, but I am certain of theirs at the prices they charge for their recorded suggestions.  I sort of feel that one way to insure my financial success might be to avoid spending big bucks to buy these expensive extras.

The seminar itself is relatively expensive to my way of thinking, about $50 per head.  Actually, that’s about the going price of a ticket for a live theater performance around here too.  If you think of it that way, it doesn’t seem like as much.  It is a full day and I get to see important people, be energized, perhaps inspired, and perhaps even MOTIVATED.

I found out, after the first seminar I ever went to, that you can hear and see the big screen just as good from the cheap seats up top as you can from the expensive seats, and you don’t need that $20 workbook, thanks.  So, I am motivated at a considerably lower price than some people are. Also, the friendly, neighborhood library has a large assortment of  motivational tapes and disks that don’t cost a cent to check out. And they want to teach me about financial planning?

It is fun to come, of course.  People get tired sitting for long periods of time and so they do a few activities like the wave, dancing to surfing music and tossing beach balls around – the usual big crowd stuff.  And there is a BIG crowd.  Most of the people are here with corporate sponsorship – free and with a paid day off.  My employer does its own training. Another test of motivation is being willing to spend some money on self-improvement.  I take a day off work and pay my own way to go.  Now that is what I call being really motivated.

Just what is success anyhow?  Well, I’m gonna tell you the secret and you won’t have to spend the money for tapes or even the $50 for a ticket (Of course you will miss out on the fun.)

1.  The first level is just survival.  Most of us have that down pretty well by now.
2.  The second level is achieving security: emotional security, being optimistic vs. pessimistic and financial security.  (Most people get stuck at level two and never move any further.)
3.  The third level is having surplus of security or finances.
4.  Fourth level is having a life that is significant and making a positive difference in the lives of others.
5.  The final level of success is achieving satisfaction with who and what you are.

That’s a lot to think about, isn’t it?  Maybe that is why there are not as many successful people as one would expect.

Well, I’m gonna listen now and work on my own success.  I’m happy I could come to the seminar so you didn’t have to.  If you change your mind, just come on. I’ll be here on the back row, upper level, taking notes, as usual. Maybe one of these years I’ll get successful enough that I don’t have to worry about how to be successful any more.

©1999 Sheila Moss
Posted in Education, Entertainment | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Boss

Posted on July 6, 2016 by Sheila Moss

bossI used to work for a real asshole.  Pardon my profanity, but he’s the kind there is just no other word for except asshole.  He had such a negative attitude about everything that it was difficult to function around him.  I don’t know how he ever became a boss except by default.

His favorite jacket was a maroon sports coat. In fact, he probably is still wearing it right now. He was an authoritarian through and through.  The way to win whatever grudging favor he had to give was to pretend to like him and defer to his rude and demanding ways.  He would have made a great drill sergeant in the Army.  Too bad he missed his calling.  He loved jerking people around and showing that he was the boss – as if anyone could forget.

One of the employees, you know the kind, bought him a hat that had “BOSS” written on it in large letters.  I think that was the only time I ever saw him smile.  He liked that stupid hat and kept it in his office on display.  After that, he expected to be referred to as “Boss” instead of by his name.

The boss did not know how to dial the phone, I guess, either that or his finger was busy doing something else. When he wanted to call someone, he would get his secretary to call for him and then connect the call after the other person was on the phone waiting for him for a while.  He thought it made him look important to keep people waiting.   If the secretary wasn’t around, he’d interrupt whoever was handy, make them find the number he wanted to call and put the call through for him.  Since my desk was closest to his office door, I usually got the yell.

He enjoyed keeping people in terror and making the women cry.  He liked to call people into his office periodically and rake them out for whatever they were failing to do to his satisfaction.  Evaluation time was especially difficult.  Whenever you saw someone with tears in their eyes, you could figure they had been evaluated.  No matter how good you were, you were never good enough for the boss.  Too bad they didn’t let employees evaluate managers on what kind of boss they are!

I sat where he could look out his office door and watch me work all day long.  He would sit at his desk and eat giant size bags of potato chips and belch.  I could hear him crunching.  Sometimes he would close the door and get on the phone for an hour at the time.  I always wondered whom he needed to call for an hour every day with the door closed? Anytime he had something going on, he would shut the door. I used to hope that he would gas himself to death in there.  Guess he never knew I could hear right through those paper-thin walls.

One of the top-level supervisors in our office, we will call him Bill, became really sick.  The boss immediately started trying to think of ways to get rid of him. He forced Bill to work in the office every day instead of letting him take paper work home, which he could have easily done. When Bill finally had to go on sick leave, the boss brought in a blonde and gave her the job before Bill even resigned. They cleaned out all the stuff from Bill’s office like he was already dead, with Bill calling and begging them not to throw his personal things away. When Bill died, the boss didn’t even go to the funeral. His maroon coat would have been out of place anyhow.

Things finally came to head with me when the boss called me in his office one day out of the blue and blessed me out for not working hard enough.  To my astonishment, he said I had gone a whole day without doing anything.  I found out later that another employee, bucking for a promotion, was afraid I might get it instead of her.  Apparently, she fed him a few fibs along with the donuts she brown-nosed him with every morning.  I hadn’t even seen the knife and it was already in my back.

Anyhow, he told me I needed to show more initiative, for example, I should come in his office and do his filing.  It so happened that I was already doing his filing – in the morning before he got there.  When I told him, it made him look dumb, which made him really angry.  The more I defended myself, the madder he became. Finally, I figured that it was useless, so I just shut up and took it. When he finished, I thanked him for calling the matter to my attention and told him he could rest assured I would do better in the future.  And I did – MUCH BETTER – I got another job making more money the very next day.  How’s that for showing initiative?

When I quit, I had to be replaced with a higher salaried IT person. My backstabbing friend got the promotion she wanted so badly. Last I heard, the boss was still terrorizing people and was still an asshole. He will never change. That kind never does.

The other day I heard on the radio that it was Bosses’ Week, which reminded me of  The Boss.  I should send him the perfect Bosses’ Day gift – a hat with what he really is written on it in big letters instead of “BOSS.”

 ©1999 Sheila Moss

Question: Have you ever had a bad boss? I’ve had many very good ones that I were great. But that’s a topic for another time.

 

Posted in Humor, Rants, Work Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Stormy Weather

Posted on July 5, 2016 by Sheila Moss

storm

Gee, the last 48 hours have been rough due to a line of storms moving through.  A friend of mine got out of bed to find out there had been a severe storm.  She wanted to call in to work and let them know she might be late due to debris in the road and no electricity, but the phones didn’t work and the battery on her cell phone was dead.  So, she decided to take a cold shower and it was not until she finished that she realized her hair dryer didn’t work without electricity.

After a while the electricity came back on, so she decided to get on the computer and see how bad things were. But the servers were all jammed and she couldn’t get anything.  The cable was still out on the TV, so no use thinking of that.  Might as well go to work even though she figured she had a pretty good excuse to stay home.

She was working on some really important stuff, and trying to figure out how to save the world. According to an e-mail she got the other day, the only way to save the world is to forward the secret recipe for Mrs. Field’s chocolate chip cookies to at least 20 friends.  If she does not, there will be global disaster, 1000 years of bad luck, and the end of chocolate chip cookies as we know them.

Driving around the litter and power lines, she made it into work only to find out that she was the only one there, but not to worry, the office had an emergency generator. As long as she was there, she might as well stay and run things until everyone else trickled in.  She secretly suspected that they were probably all home baking cookies from the recipe she had forwarded them which made her responsible for the lack of office coverage.

The boss, who had just come back from an exhausting business trip to Disney World, was unable to make it due to an acute case of hangnail or hangover; it was never clear which. He had not heard the news of the storm, and was very irritated that the phone rang ten times before anyone answered it.  He was going to work from home and wanted to be sure that no one tried to leave early because he was not there.  He reminded my friend that her Internet time was being monitored and there was a timing device on her phone line. In the event of an emergency, she could forward any calls to his voice mail.

All these interruptions kept my friend from getting much done.  If the world ends, it will be her fault.  That’s a heavy burden to live with.  She decided that she probably wasn’t going to get much done anyhow, so might as well read the paper and drink a cup of coffee.  As long as she did not get on the Internet, the boss would not know.

She, unfortunately, did not know that there was a video cam recording everything and putting it on the Internet where the world could watch from home. She received her pink slip by FAX later in the day. But, the boss is reconsidering firing her since he needs someone to revise his personal web page for free.

Anyhow, I never got the end of the story because my voice mail ran out of time and the weather channel said another line of thunderstorms was moving in.  I have heard a rumor, however, that her company is investigating the possibility that employees are moonlighting by revising web sites for country music stars on company time and has forbid the posting of Dilbert Cartoons in the office due to conflict of values.

©1999 Sheila Moss
Posted in Humor, Weather, Work Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Goodbye 4th of July

Posted on July 4, 2016 by Sheila Moss
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“More dogs run away on the Fourth of July than any other day!”

Dear Humans,

I want to let you know that I am very upset with you. I do not think it is nice to laugh when I am afraid of the fireworks on the 4th of July. After all, it is an extremely loud noise and I’m not used to having a war going on in the front yard. For all I know, it could be terrorists trying to blow up my doghouse.

I suppose you think I should bark instead of being afraid? Frankly, I think you are expecting too much from a little dog like me. I am a Shih Tzu, not a Pit Bull. I’m a pet, not a freedom fighter.

It has been a really rough week. People started with the firecrackers a week ahead of time, as soon as fireworks were on sale. They could not seem to wait for the official holiday to start petrifying all the animals in the neighborhood. And it won’t stop after the 4th until they use up their entire arsenal.

I do appreciate it when my human holds me on his lap to calm my nerves. I am always shaking so hard my teeth are rattling. This holiday stuff is dreadful, and I don’t know why people think it is entertaining. Sometimes I don’t understand humans at all.

Even the evil cats are afraid. You probably won’t notice, but they hide under the bed until it is over. Of course, I wish they would run away and never come back. Just my luck, they merely retreate and leave me to face the terror campaign alone. Then after things calm down, they groom themselves and catnap as if nothing happened. Stupid cats!

I sure hope there are no other holidays that have fireworks. Those rockets sound like thunder to me. I thought thunderstorms were bad, but at least they are few and far between. Ever since I was a little pup, the lightning has been trying to strike me. Remember that time I walked to the window to look at the rain and a flash of lightning cracked right in front of me? That is why I am so afraid.

I remember one night when it was thundering, you humans were asleep and would not wake up. I wanted to get in your bed so badly that I jumped about four feet straight up and landed on the mattress. I don’t know how I did it, but somehow fear gave me super jumping skills. I’ve never been afraid enough to jump that high before or since, and I hope I never am.

As long as I sleep in the bed with my humans, the lightning can’t strike me. Of course, I have to bark and run the wicked cats away. They attract electricity, you know. I am certain that if I can keep them out of the bed the lightning will wallop them one of these days and I will be rid of them.

I hope you get the point. I am tired of trembling and shaking every time I hear a loud noise. I will be glad when winter gets here and I don’t have to worry about thunder, fireworks, or fanatics. The devil cats are about all I can deal with.

So let this be a warning, if you make me afraid again, I am going run away from home to some place that doesn’t have storms and firecrackers. More dogs run away on the 4th of July than any other day, you know.

Do you mind if I wait until that dark thundercloud blows over, though?

Yours truly,
Dixie The Dog

©1999 Sheila Moss
Posted in Creatures, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

A Living Symbol – The American Flag

Posted on July 3, 2016 by Sheila Moss

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The other day I was down at the discount mart and noticed a display of American flags. The red, white, and blue caught my eye and I stopped to check them out.

“Oh,” I thought, “I don’t really need a flag.”

I used to have a flag that I displayed on patriotic holidays. Through the years the flag wore out and was never replaced. I sort of miss that feeling of patriotic pride that comes from displaying the flag.

I decided that I needed a flag after all, so I bought one. It is a beautiful flag with the stars embroidered instead of printed and the stripes sewn together in different colors.

I took it home and opened it up to look at it. Then I folded it up to return it to the plastic package.

“Grandma, you folded it wrong!” exclaimed my 8-year-old grandson.

You know, he was right. There is a special way to fold the flag in a triangular shape with the only the blue field visible.

This made me think more about the flag and what it symbolizes.

The flag is a symbol of a living nation. As such, we are to treat the flag as if it is a living thing, according to flag etiquette. Thinking of it in this way makes it much easier for me to understand how to regard the flag.

At one time the flag was flown only from dawn to dusk and not at night. Now, however, it is considered correct to fly it at night as long it is illuminated. I hope it isn’t lonely out there all by itself. I hope it is brave like the 15 star flag that flew at night and inspired Francis Scott Key to write the Star Spangled Banner.

There is no official meaning for the colors of red, white and blue or reason given as to why they were chosen. Generally, it is thought that white is for purity and innocence, red for valor, and blue for vigilance, perseverance, and justice. These seem almost like human qualities, don’t they?

We have heard the legend of how Betsy Ross made the first flag at the request of George Washington, and that it was she who suggested the five-pointed star. This story is challenged by scholars, however, who believe it is unlikely.

The flag has one star for each state, and one stripe for each of the 13 original colonies. The blue area of the flag is known as the “union.” I think the flag probably enjoys its nickname of “Old Glory.”

Way back in 1942 a “Flag Code” was established by Congress, which is periodically updated and gives the rules about how to properly display the flag of our country. I found out it must be folded in the triangular shape only if it is to be displayed while folded. I think I’ll fold it in the triangular shape anyhow.

If you don’t mind waiting, you can have a flag that has flown over the Capitol Building for a very reasonable charge. You only have to contact your Congressman or Senator or visit their website. I suppose these flags feel very special since they have represented their county in Washington.

The flag can be flown on any day, but there are certain days that seem more appropriate to me: Flag Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Veterans’ Day come to mind. However, I am so excited about the new flag that I can’t wait.

The flag is flying at my home now, waving freely and proudly, as it should. The feeling that comes from displaying the flag is the same as I remembered. We don’t have to wait for a holiday or a time of national disaster. We can be proud of our country any time we like.

So, show your colors. Keep our country’s symbol alive. Fly the American Flag!

©2007 Sheila Moss
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Fourth of July

Posted on July 2, 2016 by Sheila Moss

fireworks.jpg

Every year about this time the fireworks tents begin to sprout out by the county line, and I know its almost here again – the 4th of July. As usual, I’m sitting around trying to decide the best way to spend the holiday.

This year things seem to boil down pretty much to three choices: a big public gathering, a gathering of friends at the park for a picnic, or a small family-type celebration.

The large public gatherings must be the best. They sure seem to attract plenty of people. The fireworks displays are large and loud. They usually have fantastic food – fantastically overpriced; beer – fantastically over consumed; and traffic jams – fantastically frustrating.

If I didn’t mind rubbing elbows with sweaty crowds and had plenty of money to waste, large gatherings might be a fun way to celebrate. Who knows, I might even be lucky enough to find a place to park without walking several miles from a parking lot.

Celebrating with friends seems like pleasant alternative. A quite day at the park with picnic food, lawn chairs, children, laughing, playing… becoming overly tired… obnoxious, whining children… fighting… arguing – flies buzzing around my delicious potato salad that has been sitting out for hours and is probably full of food poisoning. Serve those flies right if they get botulism.

Of course, there will be all sorts of fun things to do – softball, volleyball… in the hot, oppressive July weather. If the sunburn isn’t too bad, we might even get away in time to see the local fireworks. If traffic is the usual, we will watch them from the Interstate again this year.

Last but not least, there is the thought of simply staying at home and celebrating with family. My family is always happy to come by where there is free food. Let’s see, I will only need to start cooking a day or two ahead to get ready. Maybe we can barbecue, that’s easy. Of course, the grill will have to be cleaned.

Gee, wonder if I need to check the propane on that gas grill… hate to run out. The lawn needs to be mowed, and the lawn furniture hasn’t been cleaned this year. Boy, it sure is great to have a holiday so I can rest.

Of course, the family will probably come late, eat and run. They have to hurry to make it to fireworks. I can stay home and protect the roof from the bottle rockets the neighborhood kids are shooting and calm down the dog, who is terrified by the firecrackers.

What fun! Gee, I love a holiday! Sure hope it doesn’t rain.

©1998

How do you plan to spend the holiday?

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